Follow The Family What do families need from Montessorians in 2009?

1. Follow The FamilyWhat do families need from Montessorians in 2009? Ann Epstein, Ph.D.

2. Issues and Opportunities • Distracted Parents • Stress • Cell Phone/Blackberry/IPhone/ Addictions • Over-Protective (“Helicopter”) Parents • More Stress • Misinformation • Uninformed/Reluctant Parents • Still more stress • Poor models • Being a Family • The Power of Chatting • Easy Family Pastimes

3. Family Systems PROCESSING LIFE EVENTS Adaptability Cohesion INPUT: Family Characteristics (coping style) OUTPUT: Family Functions Family Interaction Communication

4. Family Interaction Systems Cohesion disengaged separated connected enmeshed Adaptability rigid structured flexible chaotic Communication closed open rigid

5. The Distracted Parent • Characteristics • Constantly “plugged in” • Very busy, often away • May be very social, often a leader • Often unaware of effect on child • Understanding this parent’s needs • Organized, predictable, clear program • Clear, open communication • Non-judgmental information regarding child development

6. Partnering with Distracted Parents • Text, phone or email them with good news about child’s progress. • Email a quick message saying how much you enjoy seeing parents and children talking together because it creates a close bond and nurtures language and cognitive development. Provide a link to suggestions for busy parents. • American Speech and Hearing Association http://www.asha.org/public/speech/development/suggestions.htm

7. Suggestions from the American Speech and Hearing Association for Parents Provide one or two suggestions at a time! • Talk with your child frequently • Make it a point to chat for at least ten minutes every day without any interruptions. • Read a variety of books; read often and talk with your child about the story. • Be sure bedtime stories are not interrupted. Make this a very special “Mommy or Daddy and Me Time”.

8. Suggestions from the American Speech and Hearing Association for Parents • Have your child retell stories and talk about events of the day • What did you like best about today? Why? What happened? • Help your child focus on sound patterns of words such as those found in rhyming games • Have fun with rhymes and songs while you are in the car: Mother Goose, Itsy Bitsy Spider,

9. Suggestions from the American Speech and Hearing Association for Parents • Talk with your child during daily activities; give directions for your child to follow • Setting the table, cleaning up toys, making cookies • Talk about how things are alike and different • Foods, toys, family members! • Give your child reasons and opportunities to write • A note for your desk at work, a story for grandma, one item on the shopping list

10. Over-Protective Parents/“Helicopter” Parents • Characteristics • Fearful: of child’s progress, safety, friends, nutrition, etc. • Very involved • Sometimes pushy • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKFuHMXC_9w • Understanding this parent’s needs • Validation • Information • Social, motor and cognitive development • Nutrition and safety

11. Partnering with Very Involved Parents Validate their commitment • Acknowledge their care for and concern about their child. • Gradually guide parent toward a more appropriate level of concern. • Celebrate child’s independence! • Acknowledge parent’s efforts to “let go”.

12. Partnering with Very Involved Parents Always come back to your appreciation of parent’s commitment to being the best parent she/he can be. Keep celebrating child’s independence! If appropriate, partner this parent with other parents who have “let go”. Involve parent in school and class projects.

13. Partnering with Very Involved Parents ProvideDevelopmental Information • Regular (no more than weekly) updates on child’s progress • Online Resources: American Academy of Pediatrics: • Parent Corner: topics from bedwetting and bedtime to video games and working mothers http://www.aap.org/parents.html • Developmental Milestones (e.g. ages 3 to 4, http://www.aap.org/publiced/BK0_DevMile_3-4Yrs.htm) • Online “Experts”: Child Development Institute (Dr. Robert Myers) http://childdevelopmentinfo.com/development/normaldevelopment.shtml

14. Partnering with Very Involved Parents Provide Academic Information • Share Academic Expectations • School curriculum guides, report forms, student portfolios • Parent Education Sessions: curriculum, “hot topics” • Ask this parent to help organize these events • Always acknowledge parent’s commitment to child

15. Partnering with Very Involved Parents • Provide Safety and Nutrition Information • TV/Media Use: total of 1 to 2 hours/day: American Academy of Pediatrics • http://www.aap.org/publiced/BR_TV.htm • Internet Safety: (A Minute for Kids Audio Files) • http://www.aap.org/healthtopics/mediause.cfm • Food Hassles: Six Tips to Handle Eating Issues • http://www.aap.org/publiced/BR_FeedingKidsRight.htm • Healthy Food Choices: US Dept of Agriculture • http://www.mypyramid.gov/preschoolers/index.html • Sharing Information Effectively • Electronic newsletters • Email • School Website • Personal Notes and Conversations

16. Partnering with Uninvolved or Reluctant Parents • What happened? • Understand why this parent is less connected with child. • Stress and Trauma • National Institute for Trauma and Loss in Children • http://www.tlcinst.org/typicalstress.html • Understand the stress that comes with guilt. • Resist judging parent.

17. Partnering with Uninvolved or Reluctant Parents • Set boundaries for your involvement • Assume a long term perspective • Share community resources, make referrals • Meet weekly when parent is ready • Maintain focus on your role as teacher • Model, Model, Model • Show parent how to interact with child • Understand child’s need for security • Share child’s progress often

18. Being a Montessori Family in 2009 • All Kinds of Families! • Gay and Lesbian Parents • Step Families • Grandparents as Parents • Tips for Divorced Dads • http://video.about.com/fatherhood/How-to-be-a-Summer-Dad.htm

19. Being a Montessori Family in 2009 • Encourage Family Activities • Setting Family Time as a Priority • What Do We Enjoy? Pick One! • Photography, cooking, biking, reading, sports, nature, travel, games, volunteering, music, art, dance, etc, etc

20. Resources • American Academy of Pediatrics • Parent corner - http://www.aap.org/parents.html • Developmental milestones -http://www.aap.org/publiced/BK0_DevMile_3-4Yrs.htm • TV/Media – http://www.aap.org/publiced/BR_TV.htm • Internet Safety: A Minute for Kids Audio Files • http://www.aap.org/healthtopics/mediause.cfm • Food Hassles: Six Tips to Handle Eating Issues • http://www.aap.org/publiced/BR_FeedingKidsRight.htm • US Dept of Agriculture • Healthy Food Choices • http://www.mypyramid.gov/preschoolers/index.html

21. Resources • American Speech and Hearing Association • Speech/language suggestions for parents - http://www.asha.org/public/speech/development/suggestions.htm • Child Development Institute (Dr. Robert Myers) • Development suggestions for parents - http://childdevelopmentinfo.com/development/normaldevelopment.shtml • Stress and Trauma • http://www.tlcinst.org/typicalstress.html

22. Resources • Tips for Divorced Dads • http://video.about.com/fatherhood/How-to-be-a-Summer-Dad.htm • You Tube Mom • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKFuHMXC_9w