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Under Siege – Sex Today

Under Siege – Sex Today. Pastoral Approach 1 2008. The Series. Sexual (Un)common Sense Strategy and Tactics for Change 3. Pastoral Approach 1&2. Talk Outline. The purpose of the talk The normal helps. Focus. Topic: sexual self-control Focus: masturbation-pornography

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Under Siege – Sex Today

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  1. Under Siege – Sex Today Pastoral Approach 1 2008

  2. The Series • Sexual (Un)common Sense • Strategy and Tactics for Change 3. Pastoral Approach 1&2

  3. Talk Outline • The purpose of the talk • The normal helps

  4. Focus • Topic: sexual self-control • Focus: masturbation-pornography • Category: our university students + • Most do not have sexual self-control yet. • “Community kids” are like the others, except they usually have known these things are wrong.

  5. Our young men • Why do I know anything about the situation? • Perhaps my sample is “biased”, but I do not think my conclusions are.

  6. Our young men • Almost all of our young men have (had) a problem in this area. • At least in the past, they were under the domination of it. • Many of them have done things that were seriously wrong, sometimes things unheard of when I was young. • Internet pornography makes it more challenging. • Masturbation and pornography very often go together. • Pornography is more serious than masturbation in its consequences.

  7. Our young men • Only some can get free by themselves — with good teaching. • I think I can get all of the converted ones free from it.

  8. Talk Outline • The purpose of the talk • The normal helps

  9. What can we do? • Teach about it. • From here on, I presuppose they accept these things as wrong. • Also about the purpose of sexuality. • Discuss it in pastoral care and get them to use the normal helps well. • Do not wait until they get married. • Work someone out of it.

  10. Teaching • Most have gotten little apart from us. • Sexuality seminar (pre-formation) • FC 2: Course for single men (Year 2)

  11. Pastoral care discussion When start to work on it? • When they bring it up wanting help • Entering formation: fornication • After FC 2: goal of basic sexual discipline

  12. Normal Helps • Individual pastoral care discussions • Men’s group • Buddies • Internet protection • Special prayer

  13. Normal Help: Pastoral Care • Only trained pastoral workers should do this, and under supervision.

  14. Normal Help: Pastoral Care • Ask their permission. • Preferably each time at the start • This can be painful for them (although relief for others; or both at the same time). • Keep confidentiality. • Bring it up periodically, not each time. • Don’t make it the regular focus of normal pastoral care. – The goal is to keep an eye on the situation.

  15. Normal Help: Pastoral Care • We want to encourage them they can do it and tell them to keep fighting.

  16. The Value of Testimony • They need to know it can be done (some think it is impossible). • If you are over it… • If there is no reason you should not… • If not, speak about others.

  17. Normal Help: Men’s Group • Confession in the men’s group you lead? • My criteria: • Only after you know where everyone is • Only if you are confident they are all willing • Only if you can check to see if they are being honest

  18. Normal Help: Buddies • The buddy system – two guys confessing to each other • They do not necessarily give advice — mainly accountability. • Sacramental confession does not usually do the same thing. • They need to be committed to regular contact and direct speech.

  19. Normal Help: Internet • A filter (blocking program) • Computer use in the open • Covenant Eyes for laptops

  20. Normal Help: Prayer • Prayer for general help in area • Prayer for deliverance • Prayer for the past • No substitute for learning sexual discipline

  21. What can we do? • Teach about it. • Discuss it in pastoral care and get them to use the normal helps well. • Work someone out of it. • This requires a special talk.

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