HUMMING Hazel, my dear old chum, Your departure is leaving us glum, But when you retire,

1. Mrs Onions~ A selection of poetry by staff and pupils at Port Ellen Primary school on the occasion of your retirement HUMMING Hazel, my dear old chum, Your departure is leaving us glum, But when you retire, Think of joining the choir, You don’t have to sing you can hum. ……..hmmmmmm By Mrs Harrison

2. IN OUR OWN WORDS MRS ONIONS Mrs Onions you are a star, You have helped take our school really far, Who will now make sure our lights are turned off, Or express their annoyance with a big sigh cough? We need you here to hammer the grammar, And sing a song when the working nights get long! You will be kept busy it is a panto year, You’ll be given a list of jobs before you leave here. Hazel dear we will miss you heaps, Our memories of you truly are for keeps. There is no danger you will ever be a stranger, Because even when you go we will still need you to sew! When you leave we will all cry boo hoo, But there will always be get togethers for future WOO WOO! By Miss MacRae NUMPT.V No more marking jotters, Or updating children’s files, No 8am arrivals to be Met by Lachie’s smile! I’ll miss you Mrs Onions, But d’you know what makes me smile, Is the thought of you mid morning Watching Jeremy Kyle. By Mrs Macdonald PARTING IS SUCH SWEET….. In the words of the bard, Parting is such sweet sorrow, That we shall say goodbye, good luck, Today and beyond the morrow. For morrow, thou shalt be retired, In most deserved repose. No more vexed reports and tests, And no more…….. ….chalk dust up thy nose! Chosen by Mrs Macfarlane

3. THE DEMON APOSTROPHE Haiku! Haiku! How to construe,The demon apostrophe, punctuated!No longer mislead, The dash was dead,He was glad he was educated. “And, has thou erased the Demon Dash?Come punctuate, my erudite boy!O hyperbole! Metaphor and similie!”He prepositioned in his joy. T’was brillig and the thesauruses, Did gyre and gimble in the euphemisms, All mimsy were the subjunctive clauses, And the oxymorons ate the spoonerisms. Beware the demon apostrophe my son, The letters dropped, the clause that defines, Beware the onomatopoeia and shun, The non-indented first lines. He took his transitive verb in hand: Long time his infinitives he split, So struggled he with tautology, And focused his sarcasm and wit. And, as his wit he did exercise,The Demon Apostrophe, with abysmal grammar,Came as a speech mark in disguise,And began to stammer. T’was brillig and the thesauruses, Did gyre and gimble in the euphemisms, All mimsy were the subjunctive clauses, And the oxymorons ate the spoonerisms. By Mrs Clark (with a nod to Lewis Carroll)

4. RETIREMENT You might think retirement makes you old. But if you’re old and grey this can be ok, Because you can always get a pension. If you really want you can have an extension, For you old grey house. Or you can buy a life time supply of Famous Grouse. Any how do not retire OR ELSE! By Brandon • EXCUSES FOR NOT DOING MY HOMEWORK • The demon apostrophe attacked my house. • My homework got buried in an earthquake. • Aliens came and vaporised my home. • It fell in the fire (It wasn't me!). • It blew away in Hurricane Hayley. • Mrs Macdonald ate it. • It was put in a fortune cookie. • I left it in the dragon’s den when I was fighting for treasure. • A leprechaun took it home for a bath towel. • I couldn't be bothered. • By Hayley MRS ONIONS My favourite teacher is Mrs Onions, Red is the colour she loves, She is going to retire. Oh la la, she taught me French, Never hesitates to read to us, I like her red Wizard of Oz shoes, Often she would crack. Never stops trying to make me better. She is the best teacher in the world. By Peter

5. MRS ONIONS Mrs Onions you are good at Respecting and Super at sewing! Oh, I really wish you were not going! I promise we will always keep in touch! Oh my goodness, I’ll miss you so much! Now its time to Say goodbye. xxxx By Megan Johnston MRS ONIONS Super Intelligent Imaginative My favourite teacher Panto pro Linlithgow lady Yarns a lot Tattie bogle Hilarious Early to school Brilliant Beginnings Eco friendly Spelling era x 3 Times tables a must for me. By Rachel MacKinnon MRS ONIONS She’s got ginger hair and glasses, You could say she is quite small, But out of all the teachers, She’s my favourite one of all. I’ve had her quite a few times now, Primary five, two and one, From Letterland to decimals, She’s made our lessons fun. She knows absolutely everything, I think she’s got a massive brain, I’ll miss you Mrs Onions, But do come back again! By Eilidh

6. VIDEO GAMES Video games entertain, And during a gaming spree, You have a very rare chance, To let your mind run free. Video games frustrate, And if you peep through the door, Of an easily frustrated gamer, You’ll hear (and see) things, which you should never have heard (or saw). When he loses a life, “Oh shoot!” When it’s time to turn off, “Oh man!” And when it is finally game over, The very rare but not too rude “Oh Damn!” By Alasdair FISHING I went fishing on my friend Sam’s boat, My dad came too and he wore a big coat. We went to Texa and we caught a fish, We cooked them in a pan and served them on a dish. They tasted good but we made a big mess, Doing the dishes caused us distress. Next time I want fish, I’ll use my head, And go to the Nippy Chippy instead. By Bailey GHOSTS I lay in my bed with my covers up tight, Why? Because they haunt me all night. Looking out of my window, Listening to the howling winds, I feel their helpless lonely sins, I think it’s coming…… BOOO! Ha, ha, ha, got you! By Lachlan

7. A ROOM WITH A VIEW The sea as flat as the glass window I look out of, The amber sun like dying embers of a fire ready to go out for the night, Clouds that look like white fluffy candyfloss. House martins swiftly swooping for food. The swans glide through the water making a track. Fish jumping and splashing like bubbles in a boiling pot. Pink buoys bobbing like fishing floats with a catch underneath. I see the coasts of Ireland, so near I could swim there, This tonight, tomorrow will be different. By Anna Macdonald SPACE Gigantic space, Quiet, dark. Suddenly shooting stars come past, As fast as bullets. Red planets like Mars, Glowing like lanterns. Fiery sun, Shining like a golden eye. Amazing moon, Like a huge rolling ball. By Liam Dedication – To the best Nan ever! FISHING IN THE BAY Lobsters fighting in the bay, Crabs hide under the rocks, The sea as shiny as diamond. Spider crabs fighting like warriors, Waves hitting the boats, Creels going over the sides, Fishing in the bay. By Jason

8. MRS ONIONS Caring constantly, Fun flying, Smiles sparkling, Art attracting, Hugs hugging. I love the way you care and play, And love nature. I think you are fun, honest, And full of kindness, Happy, Smiley And best of all a good teacher. By Aileas FUNNY BUNNY Bunny is funny Surfing through a sea of honey. Bunny falls off, He’s not swimmin’ but he’s still livin’. He’s feeling weird and hungry too, Bunny was eating the whole way through. Everyone was laughing, They all called him funny. Bunny surfing in the honey. By Ellen SCHOOL I can see people working I can hear rope skipping I can smell fish and chips I can taste chocolate milkshake I feel happy By Emily SCHOOL I can see children playing I can hear teachers chatting I can smell apple crumble I can taste chocolate milkshake I feel happy By Maisie