Sentence Composition and Rhetoric: Examples of Strong Writing from MGT 360

1. Sentence Composition and Rhetoric:Examples of Strong Writing from MGT 360 Wayne Smith, Ph.D. Department of Management CSU Northridge ws@csun.edu

2. Superior, Contemporary Writing • Employ higher-order writing strategies • Always elevate your writing (throughout this class and beyond) • All of the following examples are from my outstanding students • [Technical] Composition • Introductory Sentences, Thesis Statements, Topic sentences, Transition sentences, Contrasts, Emphases, Transition words, Topic/Content order • [Compelling] Sentence Variety • Length, Types, Passive constructions, Originality, Rhythm • [Persuasive] Rhetoric • Linkages to General Education, Linkages to Subject Matter from Class • Quotes, Analogies, Similes, Metaphors, Rhetoric • Figurative Language, Idioms, Bias-free Language

3. Exemplars – Composition – Introductory Sentences • A startling statistic or an unusual fact • “Chuck E. Cheese is…a corporation that provides employment to much older people with limited English.” • A vivid example • “He routinely yells at his employees and threatens to cut our hours if we don’t work harder.” • A description or an image • “In my experience, a manager can change the attitudes of many employees by having a certain feature that they carry with them at all times. This feature is always displayed on a manager’s face and can be felt when a manager is motivating the employees.” • “I have been working there for over a year, and I must admit that I really love what I do.” • A paradoxical statement • “Bill seemed to be aware that he didn’t obtain his position purely through merit, but he was not an incompetent supervisor.”

4. Exemplars – Composition – Introductory Sentences (cont.) • A quotation or a bit of dialogue • “The phrase, ‘the customer is always right’ is highly used and expected by the customers.” • A question • What is a company with no policy? • An analogy • “Working for a mother as a babysitter can be just as challenging as being an employer working for a manager with equal responsibilities of dealing with customers as well as having precise time management skills.” • An anecdote • “Today, a friend and coworker of mine was let go from my job. He was always an ideas person and I was the one doing much of the executing.”

5. Exemplars – Composition – Thesis Statements • A thesis statement generally appears in the introductory or opening paragraph. • A thesis statement… • requires further proof or development (not a fact or description), • is an answer to a question (not the question itself), • is neither too broad (not specific enough) nor too narrow (can’t generalize), and • should be sharply focused (avoiding vague terms or fuzzy meanings) • A good thesis is non-obvious, arguable, well specified, and includes implications • “It seems that throughout the three years that Tariq has been working for TRUECar, he has not developed himself and has not taken any leadership role in his department.” • “Customer service is a problem faced by any service industry and this issue is a priority for restaurants because it’s a big part of the restaurant experience for the customer.”

6. Exemplars – Composition • Topic Sentences • “A management issue that I have to deal with is how the schedule is handled.” • Transition Sentences • “This is a missed opportunity both in sales and customer service.” • Contrasts • “[Two of my co-founding] partner’s lack of leadership skills were the inability to listen and reason, which is quite odd because the partner I originally went into this project with was smart, talented, and eager to work at the early stage of the project but all that was a façade.” • “However, they are doing so effectively but not efficiently.”

7. Exemplars – Composition (cont.) • For word emphasis, use italics, then, if necessary, use bold, and then, if necessary, use underline. For phrase emphasis, use an “em-dash” (“—”) • Italics are also often used when introducing key nouns, especially proper nouns. • For word or phrase de-emphasis, use parentheses: “(” and “)”. • Emphasis (all emphases are in the original) • “But as time went on, I couldn’t help but notice that this particular situation was just a matter of starting off with a good first impression.” • “Leadership is the best work of management.” • “I just don’t know—really know—how to balance my precious time at this job.” • “…a proper career would allows for a certain level of autonomy and trust from management’s side.” • “I think the store manager, Nikko, picked up on that right away.” • “This was a turning point when my innocent help became my responsibility.” • De-emphasis • “The manager’s assistant had to the take the water (it’s not fresh at that point) to the workroom to be dumped out. (de-emphasis in the original)

8. Exemplars – Composition – Transition words • Similarity Relationship • “Furthermore, the manager did not provide any benefits such as health insurance.” (emphasis added) • Difference Relationship • “I thought all the employees they had hired were fashion designers and professionals. However, I later found out they were nonqualified individuals who where looking for jobs.” (emphasis added) • Temporal Relationship • “Ultimately, we were able to convince him to give customers the sale price on sodas, without any of the required limit…” (emphasis added) • Causal Relationship • “Consequently, our firm did not win the contract with the State government.’

9. Exemplars – Composition – Topic/Content order • Topic/Content order • “The current method of closing the books was to use Quickbooks online beginning on the 25th day of the month, but the new proposal was to begin that process five days earlier: the 20th of each month.” (order in the original)

10. Exemplars – Sentence Variety – Length • Aim, in general, for sentences around 20 words. But vary the sentence lengths. Think of 20 as a “mean”, as it were, for the entire document. • Examples from the same student-professional within the same document • Short-length sentences • “We are a small firm.” • Medium-length sentences • “On the rare occasions that they do notify me, they send an email saying a package in my name has arrived.” • Long-length sentences • “Customer service is a problem faced by any service industry, and this issue is a priority for restaurants because it’s a big part of the restaurant experience for the customer.”

11. Exemplars – Sentence Variety – Types • Vary the types of your sentences. Even a 1 ½ page essay will have a mix of all four main types of sentences. • Examples from the same student-professional within the same document • A simple sentence has one independent clause. • “I was a projectionist.” • A compound sentence consists of two or more independent clauses. • “Licenses unlocked the content and made the feature film playable, so it was essential to secure all of the licenses the night before the premiere when there was ample time.” • A complex sentence contains one independent clause and at least one dependent clause. • “To me, film projectionists were skilled and mysterious, controlling the entire show and seeing everything from the shadows.” • A compound-complex sentence has at least two independent clauses and at least one dependent clause. • “The theater started slow, converting one house or two at a time, but we eventually received word that a different theater was getting fully outfitted with new projectors, and we were the lucky ones slated to receive the hand-me-downs.”

12. Exemplars – Sentence Variety – Passive constructions • In general, use active sentences. That is, write sentences where the subject is the clear focus. • But don’t be afraid the use a passive construction for variety. • Also, sometimes it just sounds better and is more pleasant. • It’s particular helpful when discussing rules or policies objectively. • Just like bold, italics, and underline, use passive constructions sparingly. • Passive construction • “Employees are not permitted to be under the influence or in possession of drugs or alcohol during paid work hours.”

13. Exemplars – Originality • Some sentence construction, and by extension, paragraph construction, is highly original. Such sentences are memorable and distinctive. Such sentences represent the best of the writer’s thinking and expressiveness. When chosen well and used appropriately, these sentences have persuasive, lasting impact. • “I walked into a cold, monotonous establishment. I knew no one, and understood no one. It was a…building on a corner, weathered by the sun, and time. It was my first day as interim General Manager. I can still remember the icy cold air, the blue-tinted ambience, and the smell of grease.” • “…my manager came back to the office [after work] because she forgot her wallet and was surprised to see me at my desk. She questioned why I had not gone home, and out of frustration, I replied, ‘Well, there are only eight hours in a given workday, and when I have to do both your job and mine, those hours are simply not enough…”

14. Exemplars – Originality (cont.) • “For me this experience was very eye opening because I learned that…many people have no business being managers.” • “Management is the way people control different parts of their lives.” • “The cash register was more of a decorative statement than a functional instrument.” • “The issue is that the business is dysfunctional and functional at the same time.” • “I would say that the city of Sun Valley loved not just our donuts but the facility behind it as well. Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever.” • “Management can be either your best friend or your worst nightmare.” • “It all ended in one fell, and foul, swoop.” (emphasis in the original) • “It was cold winter day; the touch of the cold air hitting my hand made my spine tremble with shivers.” • On the surface, as is often the case, all seems to be ideal. Millimeters below the veil, however, the failings of empowerment and guidance stir tumultuously. • It gave me great satisfaction and it was the first time I was aware that I can be the author of my book and not a reader.

15. Exemplars – Rhythm • Some sentences are deliberately designed to flow well; that is, the sentence is conscientiously rhythmic and effortlessly natural. Like deeply original sentences, these sentences too have persuasive, lasting impact. • “Perhaps his planning was good, but his leading wasn’t effective.” • “After cleaning my apron and preparing my pens for action, I am ready for another day of work at a local restaurant.” • “Managers who fail to properly lead run the risk of damaging their respected businesses; however, managers who properly lead can boost their store location to all-time highs.”

16. Exemplars – Linkages to General Education (“Basic Skills”) • In general, individuals with college degrees work on different issues than individuals without college degrees. Applying key concepts and ideas from fundamental courses matters greatly throughout your personal and professional life. • Computing • “One potential way of transferring data is to create an Excel template and go about the process of manually inputting all customer data into the system. However, a more productive compromise would be scanning the data of current clients into the computer and from that point forward inputting all new client data into the computer.” • English • “My main problem with the team was lack of taking notes and then retaining the information for the next day.” • Math • “One day I made exactly $7.50 because I had one client who came in for a $15 haircut. That really frustrated and angered me because I was already charging $20 for friends and family.”

17. Exemplars – Linkages to General Education (“Subject Exploration”) • Arts and Humanities • “Dealing with people is difficult, to say the least.” • Comparative Cultures • “Most problems are based on human beings or employees themselves. Also, these problems are different from countries and cultures because every country has its own working habits and behaviors.” • Critical Reasoning • “Using statistics [for soccer] can be good indicators of the areas of improvements. We can have 240 passes and three shots on goal, but live examples will encourage strategic applications of techniques to get more shots on goal.”

18. Exemplars – Linkages to General Education (“Subject Exploration” cont.) • Government • “Six bales with some of our larger, and more expensive, antique rugs had been flagged by US Customs in transit from Afghanistan; they were being held at the dock for inspections.” • History • “The business has been running strong for over 25 years here in the United States.” • “My first year at the afterschool program was very rewarding. I was the coach of several teams and leader of the science club.” • Natural Science • Oral Communication • “A simple ‘thank you’ can go a long way.” • “Speaking in person definitely helped reduce the miscommunication and we were finally on the same page.”

19. Exemplars – Linkages to Domain/Subject Matter (“Lower Division Core”) • Business students have successfully completed lower-division core classes. Students are incorporating these high-level concepts into their writing. • Accounting • “When asked what I did to come up with the numbers [on the financial statements], I had no answer. I had no explanation of how the numbers got there because I really didn’t understand what I was doing.” • Business Law • “According to our policy, which is based on state law, we are allowed to have six children per employee working, with one of those children being under 15 months (any child under 15 months of age counts as two children).

20. Exemplars – Linkages to Domain/Subject Matter (“Lower Division Core” cont.) • Economics • “It was not until after hours were cut that it was made clear to us why we were failing to make sales: management was modeling our location’s sales goals on the sales numbers for a location in San Francisco.” • “I believe the overarching issue here is that the owner’s sole concern was making as much money as possible while keeping her labor costs to a minimum.” • Statistics • “On a normal weekend, our restaurant would average about 7,000 dollars; however, on that specific night we made over 11,000 dollars.”

21. Exemplars – Linkages to Domain/Subject Matter (MGT 360) • MGT 360 is the “Principles of Management and Organizational Behavior” course. Students, already, have learned about planning, leading, organizing, and controlling and are incorporating these high-level concepts into their writing. • Planning • “Elements of planning are demonstrated when high levels of management determine specific plans and goals of the [bank] tellers.” • Leading • “Elements of leading are seen when my manager tells me day-to-day words of encouragement and coaches me on how to improve my solutions pitch to customers.” • Organizing • “Organizing elements can be observed when my manager organizes my work schedules and where I am on the [bank] teller line directionally to maximize my number of customer interactions.” • Controlling • “Elements of controlling are seen when I am evaluated on my performance to reach my solutions goals at the each quarter end.”

22. Exemplars – Linkages to Domain/Subject Matter (MGT 360, cont.) • Some students have read the first couple of chapters of the textbook and can incorporate the theory and practice of management and organizational behavior directly into their writing. • McGregor’s Theory X/Theory Y (Textbook, Chapter 1) • “One of the most important organizational challenges that I have ever encountered as an employees was while working at my current job. The challenge that I and other coworkers are still facing is the negative view that our supervisors have of us. This negative view leads to our supervisors believing we are unmotivated and irresponsible. Further, because we are constantly viewed as being wrong, we often are nervous or scared to make mistakes, leading to McGregor’s self-fulfilling prophecy of Theory X (that is, the belief that workers do not like their jobs). Although this challenge is ongoing, I do believe there are ways to solve this by communication to my supervisors, and ultimately implementing McGregor’s Theory Y (that is, the belief that employees want to work hard).”

23. Exemplars – Linkages to Domain/Subject Matter (“Upper Division Core”) • Business students may have successfully completed one or more upper-division core classes, other than MGT 360. Students are incorporating these high-level concepts into their writing. • Finance • “I receive credit…when a banker successfully enrolls a customer into online banking, opens accounts, or upon approval of credit card, loan, and lines of credit applications set up by a banker.” • Marketing • “Fast forward to two years later when [my boss] broke the record of having 1,000 orders per day on Amazon. • Operations • “Any store has sales problems at one point in their business cycle and it is simply inevitable.” • “In particular I recall my delivery job from 2013 at a small business called Night Owl Cookies where I had a new method of making our deliveries more efficient.”

24. Exemplars – Rhetoric – Quotes • Quotes • “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”—Unknown • “All ye abandon hope who enter here.”—Dante • “You can’t create experience. You must undergo it.”—Albert Camus • “[There will be moments] where fate rarely calls upon us during a moment of our choosing.”—Transformers (movie) • “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”—George Bernard Shaw • “Example is not the main thing in influencing others; it’s the only thing.”—Albert Schweitzer • The Dalai Lama once said, “With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.”

25. Exemplars – Rhetoric – Analogies • The analogies below are organized by the intended purpose of the author. • At a detail-level analogies are typically one of: • Similarity (Comparison), Dissimilarity (Contrast), Description (Predication), Class (Subordination, Coordination, or Super-ordination), Completion, Part/Whole (Whole/Part), Equality (Equivalence)/Negation, or Non-semantic Relationships (Sound, Letter, Word) • Analogies (make the unfamiliar seem familiar) • Similarity (Comparison) • “As a business grows, the management team should grow with it.” (emphasis added) • Analogies (make something abstract more concrete) • Whole/Part • “As I said, communicating with your managers or employees is a dance; for every person the dance is different, but with practice anyone can be the best.” (emphasis added)

26. Exemplars – Rhetoric – Analogies • Analogies (to argue a point) • Description (Predication) • “During my four years working at this [coffee house], I had to deal with my share of good and bad. Customers wanted their free drink, and management wanted their sales numbers.” (emphasis added) • Dissimilarity (Contrast) • “Just like the horses that we saw in the documentary, Buck, at one point in my life I was also expected to fulfill my duties, yet failed.” • Similarity (Comparison) • “Lobsters are one of the few animals that never stop growing. From the moment they are born, they have untold potential. Though not physically, that truth also lies in business and just about every aspect of life. Through challenge comes opportunity to grow, develop, and improve.” (emphasis added) • Completion • “A proper manager is a leader not a boss; leaders promote prosperity while bosses demand efficiency.” (emphasis added)

27. Exemplars – Rhetoric – Analogies • Analogies (provide fresh thoughts or changed feelings about a topic) • Similarity (Comparison) • “Going to work every day became a chore if I knew I would be working with her. However, I knew in the back of my mind that the person that would have to change would be me. Just like in the clips [the class instructor] showed us in class, the horse trainer stated that your life is reflected into your horse, just like my inappropriate behavior reflects back into my team.” (emphasis added)

28. Exemplars – Rhetoric –Similes • A simile is a comparison of one thing with another thing of another kind. A simile is typically less concrete than an analogy (because it’s less direct) but more concrete than a metaphor (because it’s less figurative). A simile can be identified by the use of either the word “like” or the word “as” in the comparison. • Similes • “…there is a breakdown in communication between personal goals and overall team goals. When you walk into our [bank] branch, there is the open area with the desks where the bankers sit, and the windows where the tellers stand. Tellers are separated by a “bandit barrier” to help ensure safety. It seems like this barrier has taken a more literal meaning. Everyone who works on the other side of the bandit barrier is completely separated from the open side. Oftentimes, it feels like we’re two separate countries who have become enemies at war.” (emphasis added) • “Working there felt like walking on eggshells.” (emphasis added) • “I still remember the rewarding feeling I got when the shop ran like a well-oiled machine.” (emphasis added)

29. Exemplars – Rhetoric –Similes (cont.) • Similes • “I felt like the stress level was rising like the tide and each day the wave would get bigger and bigger until I couldn’t take the crash of the wave into my body.” (emphasis added) • “A department store during the holidays is as busy as an air conditioning company during the California summer.” (emphasis added) • “She volatile with everyone and lied as easily as it rained in Maryland.” (emphasis added)

30. Exemplars – Rhetoric – Metaphors • A metaphor is a figure of speech in which either 1), a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is not literally applicable, or 2), a thing is regarded as representative or symbolic of something else, especially something abstract. • The following are examples of #1 above: • “The tides are changing in the workforce, and companies must begin to evolve with the new wave of workers in order to operate success businesses.” (emphasis added)

31. Exemplars – Rhetoric – Metaphors (cont.) • A metaphor is a figure of speech in which either 1), a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is not literally applicable, or 2), a thing is regarded as representative or symbolic of something else, especially something abstract. • The following are examples of #2 above: • “Just imagine a football team playing with its third-string players; it’s just painful to watch…” (emphasis added) • “Working in a pizzeria is all the fun that would be expected, but when the dough rises, so does hell.” (emphasis added) • “Unfortunately, when it rains, it pours.” (emphasis added) • “Since the company is considered a small business, I quickly learned to wear many different hats and I began traveling to various trade shows across the country.” (emphasis added) • “Our specialty departments were depleted by the time he was fired, but a new day was shining its light upon us, and I was happy [with] the results…” (emphasis added)

32. Exemplars – Rhetoric • When used well, rhetoric is the most powerful and influential use of language. The use of modes of discourse (conversation methods), and rhetorical strategies (purposes and plans for the discourse), rhetorical devices (tools and mechanisms to develop strategy), and rhetorical techniques (how the devices are used) is a life-long learning task. • The following are examples of various rhetorical tropes and schemes used accurately and appropriately by my students. • “We were accomplishing nothing and accomplished nothing.” • “From working as a ride operator at Six Flags Magic Mountain to selling products door-to-door, from cleaning bathrooms at a local bar to working to construction as a plumber, my employee history has been somewhat of a rollercoster.”

33. Exemplars – Figurative Language • There many different types of “figures of speech”. These are employed to provided additional emphasis for key ideas, concepts, or images in a narrative. In business prose figurative language can be helpful but only if used sparingly. • Cliché • “Successfully achieving an organizational opportunity was not a walk in the park, but my persistence and dedication landed me with multiple opportunities.” (emphasis added) • “Last but not least, since absolute power corrupts absolutely, I recommend a supervision team to keep an eye on the operation to avoid this type of error.” (emphasis added) • Personification • “The shoes you filled when Michael left were huge.” (emphasis added) • “Unfortunately, the treasurer [of the student club] was not as welcoming of my good friend MS-Excel.” (emphasis added)

34. Exemplars – Figurative Language (cont.) • Hyperbole • “I have told my aunt plenty of times what I’ve noticed about the employees and how it really impacts the business, but it seems like my aunt has built a great relationship with both of them, so it looks like I will be busting my butt more on the weekends.” (emphasis added) • “I somehow managed to put the shipment boxes away, made the 30 waffle cones, and the other million morning shift duties all while serving the customers ice cream.” (emphasis added) • Symbolism • “I’m confident in your ability to right the ship.” (emphasis added) • Allusion • “His meteoric rise to the top is an example for all of us.” (emphasis added) • Irony • “Our soccer players are great. They may not be big, but they sure are slow.” • Onomatopoeia

35. Exemplars – Figurative Language (cont.) • Understatement • “Flunking out of college might be a problem.” • Synecdoche • “The associates are the wheels in a race and without them you will struggle to move forward.” (emphasis added) • “…that was all I could tolerate with a workstation in such close proximity to the uncontrollable redhead who I learned later had made thirteen others walk away from the otherwise lovely shop.” (emphasis added) • Metonymy • “I just knew that it was going to be a bad day at work. The suits were coming for an audit.” (emphasis added) • “Our bench was not strong enough to promote from within, so we had to start from scratch.” (emphasis added)

36. Exemplars – Figurative Language (cont.) • Pun • “My boss [at a workout studio] and his wife asked that I develop and promote a new dance program at our studio. Although I have worked at a studio for a year previously, I didn’t know what my first steps should be.” (emphasis added)

37. Exemplars – Idioms • Idioms, or idiomatic expressions, are phrases that require some cultural knowledge, often local cultural knowledge, to be understood. In business prose idioms can be helpful but only if used sparingly. • “With the help of my manager and coworkers, we performed with flying colors.” (emphasis added)

38. Exemplars – “Bias-Free” Language • It’s important to actively remove any remnants of explicitly biased or tacitly biased language, either spoken or written. Giving the diversity of Los Angeles, CSUN students tend not to have any issues in this area. • Race • Sex/Gender • Class • Religion • Age • Disability

39. References • Most of the categories for the Composition section Sentence Variety of this presentation were excerpted and adapted from the following book: • Hacker, D., and Sommers, N. (2014) A Writer's Reference (8th ed.), Bedford/St. Martin's, Boston:MA. • A few of the categories for the Composition section of this presentation were excerpted and adapted from the following book: • Garner, B. (2013) HBR Guide to Better Business Writing, Harvard Business Review Press, Boston:MA. • All of the examples were pulled directly my students’ work. It can only be my high privilege to be able to work with, and learn from, these motivated and talented student-professionals.