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Funny tweets every parent can relate to

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Funny tweets every parent can relate to

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  1. Funny tweets every parent can relate to

  2. Here are some of the funniest tweets from parents that every parent can relate to. A Love of Literature Six-year-old: *checks out another Star Wars book from the school library* Me: Why do you always get Star Wars books? Six-year-old: I only read the classics. —@Xplodingunicorn Personal Chef Before having kids: “I am NEVER making separate meals for my children.” Four years later: “Let me repeat your order: tricolour pasta (al dente) with butter and cheese on a bed of string cheese on a fairy plate, cup of water with star-shaped ice cubes, yogurt two ways, Cheez-Its.” —@bretjturner Fish have Feelings Son: What’s for dinner? Me: Fish. [He screams, starts hyperventilating, begins to break from reality.] Son: [Suddenly stops] Wait. Have I ever had fish? —@DadandBuried Call Steve Irwin Recently, a little boy politely said hi to my nephew. He responded, “Hi! I am Alligator” and pretended to eat the other kid with his arms. I have never been prouder. —@karencheee

  3. A New Godzilla My four-year-old is insisting he’ll only eat “monster food,” and whatever that is, it’s definitely not the grilled cheese my wife just made. —@Dadpression A Personalized Bath My friend Luke didn’t realize until he was an adult that lukewarm was a real temperature. He thought it was just a term his mom used to describe his bathwater. —@Adam__Melia Door Jam In my experience, when one door closes it reopens and closes 13 more times by a small child. —@mommajessiec Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk Four-year-old: Daddy, I spilled some milk. Me: A little or a lot? Four-year-old: A tiny bit. Me: Okay. Four-year-old: But that tiny bit went everywhere. —@Distracted_Dad Public Enemy I told my daughter that showing her chewed-up food to her brother in public is gross, and she said, “Well I’m not here for the people.” —Saladin Ahmed, writer Eat Your Veggies “The carrots are working!”—My six-year-old son, finding his shoes in a dark room. —@whatbabytalk

  4. Make It Rain *Making macaroni and cheese* Five-year-old: I wanna put the cheese in! Me, handing her open packet of powder: Okay, can you very carefully pour this in? Five-year-old: *Just waves the packet around like she’s throwing rice at a wedding* —@copymama No Paparazzi, Please! Me to a kid in the elevator holding a stuffed pig: Hey! Is that a pig? Kid: He doesn’t like you. Me: How can I make him like me? Kid: If you stop asking questions. —Helen Rosner, food writer A Real Bad Boy One of the weirdest things people would ask me when my kid was younger was, “Is he a good baby?” Oh, no, this is one of those extremely bad babies. He runs an organized crime syndicate from his crib and sneaks cigarettes whenever I’m not looking. —Anne Thériault, writer Roll With It Today my child is upset by “All the stuff that doesn’t have wheels.” —@MyMomologue

  5. Back-Handed Compliment Daughter: What’s nostalgia? Wife: It’s when you miss something that’s really old. [Later] Me: I’m home from work! Wife: Aww, we missed you! Daughter: [whispering] Nostalgia. —@NewDadNotes Hamper Damper How to stay on top of the laundry when you have two or more kids: 1. You can’t. 2. Find a new dream. —@MacgyveringM22 For more family fun, check out www.funtides.com.

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