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Crafting a Reply Email

Crafting a Reply Email

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Crafting a Reply Email

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  1. Crafting a Reply Email 2015 1C2

  2. Follow this template and compose your reply to Sira in the slide designated for each pair. To: Subject: xxx Salutation xxx Body xxx Closing Signature

  3. Pair #1 Mr Koh: The email addressed the various ideas being raised. Tone is mostly appropriate. But a bit short. Can be elaborated. To: Sira Subject: Coming to Glasgow Hi Sira, Thanks for replying to the email. It’s great to hear from you! My friend’s band is playing jazz music at the concert. I’m glad that you are keen to start your own band. I’m sure my friends will willbe happy to give you some tips. Since you prefer going on a boat trip, we should go on the boat trip. It will probably be a lot of fun and we can enjoy the beautiful scenery. Thanks for the suggestion to find an Italian to practise speaking Italian with. I’ll try to find some time to learn to speak and read books to improve myself. I’m sorry that you could not bring the skateboard. I was really looking forward to ride it. Maybe I can ride it another time when you come to visit again. Your friend, Chris

  4. Pair #2 Hi Sira, I cant wait to see you soon too! So glad you received my email.(should these two sentences be ordered differently?) My friend’s band plays covers by famous artistes. It’s great that you want to start your own band and I am sure that my friend would be more than pleased to help you with it. On Saturday, as you said, we shall go on the boat trip on the river. It doesn’t matter that you are not a football fan as I am not too (then why suggested??), and I totally agree with you that the boat trip is much more relaxing and we get to enjoy the scenery as well. Wow!! you have great skill in advising people! And my Italian tutor agrees with your advice. My Italian really improved in the past few days. (might be better if an Italian phrase is used here?) About your skateboard, it’s okay if you are not able to bring it with you to Scotland as I know that you need to bring many things for yourself too.I would ask my parents to buy me a skateboard but can you help with the choosing of it (this phrase is problematic). I would appreciate it very much. Take care and goodbye! (is this word appropriate?) Love you, Chris <3 (avoid using this)

  5. Pair #3 To: Sira Subject: Coming to Glasgow Hi Sira, Thanks for replying. How are you? I can’t wait to see you when you arrive. My friend’s band play rock music and they are very eager to meet you. I’m also looking forward to the boating trip on Saturday. Thanks for your advice too I’m sure it will help me improve my Italian language. (Somehow the tone sounds very cold and distant) It’s ok if you don’t bring your skateboard I’m sure we can think of something else. I’m really looking forward to see you too Love,(do you think this valediction is appropriate?) Chris Mr Koh: Please put in the punctuation.

  6. Pair #4 Mr Koh: Quite chatty and therefore comes across as friendly. Just be careful you don’t ramble. To: Sira Subject: Re: Coming to Glasgow Hi Sira, It’s great to hear from you too! My friends play jazz music, they are a popular band called Jazzy Pop. I am sure they will be more than willingly to give you some tips about starting your own band. I think it’s really cool for you to want start your own band! You could always ask me for suggestions for your band name (I’ll give you great names :) ) (Try not to use emoticons - we are assessing you) As for Saturday, I think the weather is wonderful for a boat trip and the scenery is really beautiful! I believe we’ll enjoy this trip! Thanks for your advice! I will definitely go down to the national library and borrow some Italian books. Recently, I met up with a new colleague. He is an Italian man. Not only does he speak fluent Italian, but also English. I am going to ask for some lessons from him. What do you think? (I think it’s nice to ask this question. It encourages a response) About the skateboard, it’s really fine! Although, you might want to lessen the things you’re bringing for easier access to and fro. It will be troublesome to bring many heavy things. But after the trip, could i have a go on it? (A bit confused. How could this take place?) I will look forward to the trip and your reply! Cheers, Chris Should we use a full stop here?

  7. Pair #5 To: Sira Subject : Coming to Glasgow Hi Sira, Thanks for your reply. It’s great to hear from you. I can’t wait for Friday to arrive! As for the band, my friends play rock and western music. They are really good. They rock! You are starting your own band? Cool! I think it’s really a great idea. I hope that you too will soon start your own concerts. (this phrase is problematic…) On Saturday, I am fine with the boat ride. It sounds fun and relaxing. Thanks for your suggestion . I would like to consider it. However, I don’t have an Italian friend. If you have an Italian friends, could you give me their numbers? I would really appreciate it. As for the time being, I try to refer to Italian books. (only try?) As for the skateboard, don’t worry. It’s okay. But good news! I got good results for my exams, so I am thinking about asking my mother to buy me one. I am really looking forward to seeing you. Cheers, Chris Mr Koh: Generally ok and points are addressed.

  8. Pair #6 To: Sira Subject: Re: Coming to Glasgow Dear Sira, You’re welcome. It is also my pleasure to hear from you too. I can’t wait to meet you when you arrive toat Scotland. As you have asked, my friend’s band is a pop band. I think it’s a great idea of startingto start your own band and I hope I can listen to your music sometime (when you have composed some). I’ll try to confirm with my friends? if they have time to meet you. I agree with you about the boat trip on the river. It is very cool with an excellent scenery and it is a very relaxing activity to do on a Saturday. I would take your advice to try and find an Italian so that I can practice my Italian. I know this new transfer student from Italy and my teacher paired him up with me for English class since English is my top scored subject.(this phrase is problematic) Perhaps I can ask him if we could do a language exchange. Thanks for suggesting the idea. I would also try and borrow Italian books from the library so that I could test myself. It’s okay if you can’t bring your skateboard along on this trip. I have a spare skateboard that you could use. I can’t wait for the day you arrive here. See you soon! Cheers, Chris Mr Koh: Enough details mentioned and appropriate tone used.

  9. Pair #7 Mr Koh: Much elaboration of ideas but note phrasing. To: Sira Subject: Coming to Glasgow Hi Sira, It’s nice to hear from you! I can’t wait for you to come to Glasgow. My friends play the latest hits like Sugar by Maroon 5. I am glad that you want to start a band. Have you found any band members yet? What kind of music would you guys be playing? I am looking forward to hearing your band perform some day.You have my full support. I am sure my friends would help as well.(this sounds a bit vague to me) I think we should settle on going on a boat trip on Saturday as that is your preference. River Clyde has such beautiful scenery. I am sure that we can will enjoy the trip! Thanks for your advice on what I should do to improve my Italian. I have decided to chat online with an Italian who has started learning English recently.I am so lucky to have found someone who fits the bill perfectly.(what do we mean “fit the bill”? And I wonder if it is “safe” to chat online with someone we have just met??) It should help the both of us significantly. I have also just bought an Italian online book as you advised. You also mentioned about not being able to bring along your skateboard. That’s okay. Maybe we could rent out a skateboard somewhere and have a go on that? (Wouldn’t it be better if you actually know where you can rent the skateboard and mention it?) I am also looking forward to meeting you! Cheers, Chris

  10. Pair #8 Mr Koh: Sentences are short and staccato. May want to consider elaboration. To:Sira Subject:coming to Glasgow Hi Sira, It’s great to hear from you. I can’t wait to have you here in Glasgow. I’m glad that you are interested in starting your own band.I’m sure my friends would love to help you.My friend’s band mainly plays(wonder if the order should be changed for fluency) rock music. On Saturday,we shall go on a boat trip on the river like you have (why would we want to use a present perfect tense here?) suggested.I agree with you that a boat trip sounds more chilled out. Thank you for your meaningful(Is this the right word to use in this context? Is this what you meant?) suggestions to improve my Italian.I would try doing a language exchange with a friend. It’s okay if you’re not able to bring your skateboard with you. (Sounds like you are not really ok?) I really look forward to meeting you! Cheers, Chris

  11. Pair#9 was “disbanded” Ying Qi joined Pair#20

  12. Pair #10 Hi Sira, (we need to pay attention to the format - you have missing items) It’s great to hear from you.I can’t wait to see you soon. I’m so glad to hear that you want to start your own band.I hope that meeting my friends will give you a headstart in doing so.My friend’s band plays metal music. About Saturday,(we might want to rephrase this…) shall I book a boat for us to ride in? Thanks for the advice on how I can improve my Italian.I will try to get an Italian Pen Friend(why are we using capital letters for this?) as soon as possible. Since I have a waveboard, maybe you could try it when you are comingcome to Scotland. (should we be using a question mark here?) I am really looking forward to seeing you soon. Your Friend, (this makes you sound very distant…) Chris Mr Koh: Your email does not sound warm. It’s more transactional than friendly...

  13. Pair #11 Mr Koh: Do not overuse exclamation marks. But I like the tone. Very friendly and involved. Subject: Re: Coming To Glasgow (The items are not “formatted” correctly. Reorder them) To: Sira Dear Sira, I’m really excited to see you soon! Thanks for the reply mail. The band my friend is in plays music from the 60s. And that band is no ordinary band, heard(Should we use a full stop here?) of that famous band called Maxine’s Potatoes? Yes, my friend is from that band! I have asked my friend, and she is most definitely willing to help you out to get started on your own band. As for the boat trip, I think that boating is better than watching football too! We could go on a boat trip, and then watch football if you want to. Don’t worry about the price,(full stop?) I have just gotten some free football tickets for this Sunday! Let’s have a blast on Sunday! Thank you for your advice on meabout learning Italian. Hopefully it’ll work out well! As for English, the key is to read and write. You can write stories and poems every once in a while to improve. I can bring some books on improving English if you would like. As for the skateboard, it is most definitely understandable! (this phrasing is odd. What is “it”? The “skateboard”?) Don’t feel so bad about it! (another “it”?) See you soon, (this is not suitable as a valediction) Chris

  14. Pair #12 To: Sira Subject: Coming to Glasgow Dear Sira, I’m really excited to hear from you! (Start a new paragraph. Use some background knowledge. You “jump” into the topic?) My friend’s band mainly plays metal. I hope you like metal music too. If you’re thinking of starting a band, I can call up my friends to help you. I believe they would be glad to be able to be of a help(this part is vague) to you. I’m sorry to hear you’re not a fan of football. A boat trip on the river sounds like a good way to chill though. (I don’t know about you but this part sounds like “you” are not happy about it and are “settling”).I will book a boat so that our trip this Saturday can be enjoyable (It almost sounds like it will not be.). Yes, I am learning Italian,I do have a Italian friend who I think I can be with to learn Italian. I’ll also make sure to get some books in Italian too. Thanks for the suggestion. :) It’s okay if you are unable to bring your skateboard to Scotland. It’s understandable that you are unable to bring it.(This sounds repetitive?) We’ll still have plenty of fun! Looking forward to meeting you! Cheers, Chris p.s. MOOPMOOPMOOPMOOPMOOPMOOPMOOPMOOPMOOPMOOP (this is nonsensical?) Mr Koh: You may want to watch your choice of words because that influences the tone.

  15. Pair #13 (You have missing items in your format. Please note!) Dear Sira, I’m really excited for you to come to Glasgow! I’m not really sure what type of music my friends will play on Friday. It will be fun for you to meet them and I’m sure that they will give you many tips on how to start your own band. The boat trip down River Clyde on Saturday will be extremely fun as the scenery is extremely (rather than use the same adverb, perhaps we can describe why the scenery is beautiful?) beautiful. It’s also a good time to relax and enjoy yourself. Thanks for giving me advice on how to improve my Italian! It’ll be hard to find someone who speaks Italian fluently here though?. It doesn’t matter if you can’t bring(As far as possible, try not to use double negatives in a sentence) your skateboard as we still have many things to do in Glasgow! (perhaps elaboration could include some ideas?) Looking forward to meet you! Cheers, Chris Mr Koh: More could be done to elaborate on the ideas.

  16. Pair #14 Mr Koh: Need to be more complete in your email. Don’t leave issue(s) mentioned unresolved. This applies in real life? To: Sira Subject: Re: Coming to Glasgow Hi Sira, I am really excited that you are coming over! I’ m sure my friend and her band will be willing to entertain you with their classical music (does a “band” play “classical” music? I am not sure…)! If you are looking for advice on starting your own band, my friends will be of great help. For the plans on Saturday, I think that we should go on the boat trip too! It’s way more relaxing and the view is spectacular. Do you know anyone speaking fluent Italian as I do not know anyone who speaks Italian?(phrasing sounds odd. And how can your friend help if she does not stay in Glasgow?) If you do, please tell me how to contact that person. I will follow your advice and try to buy books in Italian. It’s sad that I’ll not be able to have a go on your new skateboard. (I think you need to address your emotion. Or else it’s like a “guilt trip” or you are making your friend feel bad? The next sentence will then not be congruent with this sentence) I’m really looking forward to meeting you! Best wishes, Chris

  17. Pair #15 Mr Koh: Do note paragraphing when you bring out new ideas and watch your wording. To: Sira Subject: Re: Coming to Glasgow Hi Sira, Thanks for replying to my email. I am waiting to meet you in Glasgow! So about my friend’s band, they play rock music.(can we rephrase this? You are using repeated subject) I am so happy that you are starting a band. My friends will definitely help you! (should we start a new paragraph since it is a new thing we are talking about?) On Saturday, I agree with you on going to the boat trip based on my past experiences going on a boat trip. It would be very exciting and relaxing. The scenery is awesome. Thanks for your kind suggestion . (start new para?) I’m currently looking for someone who speaks Italian and I’m reading Italian books too! It’s too bad that you can’t bring your skateboard. I can buy it or ride it next time. (Not sure about you but this sounds like you aren’t happy about this…) Looking forward to meeting you! Cheers, Chris

  18. Pair #16 To Sira Subject: Re : Coming to Glasgow Hi Sira, It is also great to hear from you(why is there no punctuation?) My friend’s band does rock music and they would be delighted to meet you!(do we need an exclamation mark here?) They also added that they would be more than happy to answer your questions about starting a band. I am truly sorry that you do not like football but you definitely can go for(on) the boat trip after I am finished with my football match,so I can bring you around. (Am I the only one who feels this sounds like “YOU” come first? This is a friend travelling all the way to YOUR country…) Italian is really interesting and i would love to find an Italian to practise with when i have the time (it sounds like this is not your priority and you did not really think your friend’s suggestion is useful?) .That is a great suggestion,thanks Sira! (Use a full stop.) It’s okay if you didn’tcan’t bring the skateboard.We have many more things to cover in Glasgow! Can’t wait to meet you too! Hugs and kisses , Chris Mr Koh: I think more thought needs to go into your choice of words.

  19. Pair #17 Mr Koh: Need to watch the construction of sentences. Affects the reading of this email. (there’s something missing in your format) Subject: Re:Coming to Glasgow Hi Sira, Thanks for your reply. It’s great to hear from you. So, on Friday you’re are(some issue here. Please do check through what you are writing: self-edit) going (is there something missing here?) and that’s great to hear (know?). (Start new para. No context set so very abrupt) They play music pieces such as “Star Wars” and many more. Starting a new band sounds interesting. It will be awesome if you can ask them for some suggestions and you will be able to do(is there a better verb?) small concerts like them. On Saturday, I am fine with going on the boat trip on the river. It doesn't matter if you are not a football fan. It sounds fun and I guess it will be relaxing too. It is a good idea to get an Italian to speak with(this verb usually requires an object) but won’t it be challenging finding for one. (so is it or is it not a “great” idea since you said it’s challenging?) It is a great idea as I will benefit from it and it is also kind of the best way to learn. Could you recommend me books I could read in Italian to improve? Ok, I understand that you will have a lot of things to bring. It’s ok we can(punctuation matters. You have changed the meaning) engage in other activities. I hope to hear soon from you. (this phrasing is odd) Cheers, Chris

  20. Pair #18 (there are missing elements in the format) Hi Sira, (incomplete sentence?) Great to receive your reply. I can’t wait to go on the boat trip and to see your friend’s band. I’m sure my friend have many great tips to start a band. I heard them playing before,it (should we use a full stop instead?) was wonderful and i’m sure you will love it too! (remember your paragraphing as you start a new idea) Great advice i will try to find someone who learns Italian too. Could you recommend? You could also learn with me too. (start new para) Oh it’s alright, we can go ice skating instead. Make sure to bring snacks too! (You are using a command verb? Does it still sound friendly?) I am really looking forward to the trips with you(no punctuation?) See you! Chris (shoo fabulous rite) (what is this?)

  21. Pair #19 Mr Koh: I am “closing” my ears as I am reading your email because you are “shouting” so much! (there are missing items in your format) Subject: Re: Coming to Glasgow Hi Sira, (Justify to the left. No need to leave spacing) I’m so excited for you to come! I can’t wait! (start a new para with a new idea) My friend’s band plays modern pop music. I’m sure she will be able to give you some advice on how to start a band. (start new para) Thanks for the suggestion! I will try to find an Italian to practice speaking with! I am planning to go to the library tomorrow to borrow some Italian books! (start new para) Such a pity that you can’t bring your skateboard. I really wanted to see it and try it out since I’ve never played on a skateboard before. (While you want to express disappointment, how can you do so without making your friend feel guilty?) I’m looking forward to seeing you and looking forward (sounds repetitive) to see your reply! CHEERS ,(why is this word in CAPS?) Chris

  22. Pair #20 To:Sira Subject:Coming to Glasgow Hi Sira, I’m so happy to hear from you. I’m so(“so” excessive use of this word) excited to meet you for the concert on Friday next week. My friend’s band would be playing rock music during the concert. I’m sure they would also be more than happy to talk to you about {starting a} band and give you advice. You could even make some new friends! Also, thanks for telling me about your preference on Saturday. I’m sure that the boat trip will be very enjoyable. (This is quite a nice way to “resolve” the issue) Thanks for your advice about me learning Italian. I am now trying to find someone is learning English. I have also borrowed some Italian books from the library to further improve my Italian. About your skateboard, I’m sorry that you can’t bring it along. I guess that I’ll have(get?) to try it next time. I’m really looking forward to seeing you too! Cheers, Chris Mr Koh: Appropriate tone with adequate amount of details.