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Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence. Disclaimer: . Throughout this presentation, victims may be referred to as “she” and perpetrators as “he”. Domestic violence can happen to anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. . Statistics . 1 in 4 women experience violence

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Domestic Violence

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  1. Domestic Violence

  2. Disclaimer: Throughout this presentation, victims may be referred to as “she” and perpetrators as “he”. Domestic violence can happen to anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
  3. Statistics 1 in 4 women experience violence A woman is battered every 12 seconds in the United States More than 3 women are killed every day In 2008, 6,143 acts of domestic violence were reported to law enforcement in Idaho
  4. Misconceptions Violence does not occur in relationships that appear “normal” DV is a private matter; “It’s none of my business” “Why doesn’t she just leave?” “Husband battering” happens just as often
  5. Abuser’s MO “Abuse as a child causes my violence” “I lost control” “It’s my bad temper” “It’s the alcohol or drugs”
  6. Abuser’s MO Victim was drunk/hysterical/high I was defending myself It was an accident Acknowledges family problems, denies violence Trying to keep the family together
  7. Red Flags Disrespect Controlling Possessive Nothing is abuser’s fault Relationship is serious too quickly Past violence
  8. Myths about Victims Only lower class women Victims provoke and deserve violence Victims move from one abuser to another Low self-esteem Weak Victims should just leave
  9. Reality Most victims do not want the relationship to end, but rather the violence to stop
  10. What Keeps Victims in Abusive Relationships Fear Family Finances Faith Fantasy Father
  11. Leaving is a process, not an event.
  12. When She Leaves Where will she live? How will she support her children? Employment opportunities Lack of transportation Can she make it on her own? Parenting issues
  13. The Often Overlooked Victims Between 3.3 million and 10 million children witness DV annually 50% of men who frequently assault their wives, also abuse their children Those children who are not primary victims are witnessing the violence
  14. How does it affect the kids? Emotional Signs: guilt, shame, scared, overburdened, need for attention Behavioral: acting out, withdrawing Physical: tired, regressive behavior, somatic complaints Social: isolated, difficulty trusting, lots of outside activities Cognitive: feels responsible, blames others, thinks violence is normal, low self-concepts
  15. Roles Children Develop Caretaker Victim’s confidant Abuser’s confidant Abuser’s assistant Perfect Child Referee Scapegoat
  16. “Little Brother” Audio File
  17. Calm Kyle
  18. How do we “fix” domestic violence?
  19. Domestic Violence treatment The problems with: Couples counseling Anger management Substance abuse treatment Recommended: Batterer treatment programs
  20. Law Enforcement’s Response Determining predominant aggressor Self-defense injuries Interviewing Strangulation
  21. Planning for safety Should be a discussion, not a checkbox Individual and varied for each survivor Variable Specifics depend on circumstances
  22. Common Pitfalls Working from your agenda rather than that of the victim Have realistic expectations Accept that at times you may feel burned out and talk about those feelings with staff Accept that, at times, you will feel helpless. Partly as a result of the lack of resources for battered women and partly as a result of the victim’s reluctance to make changes.
  23. Advocates Do Give accurate information for victim to use in her own decision making Offer support for victim and respect her wishes Assist victim with having her wishes met by others Understand that it is the perpetrator’s responsibility to stop – not hers.
  24. Advocates Don’t Make decisions for the victim Try to persuade the victim Voice personal opinions and values Act as an extension of law enforcement (we are not investigators, nor do we give information)
  25. Empowerment and Advocacy 1. Respect Confidentiality. All discussions must remain confidential. This is essential to building trust and ensuring safety. 2. Believe and Validate her Experiences. Listen and believe her. Acknowledge she is not alone. 3. Acknowledge the Injustices. No one deserves to be abused, the violence is not her fault. 4. Respect her Autonomy. She is the expert on her life, she knows what decisions are best. 5. Help her Plan for Future Safety. What has she done in the past, does she have a safe place to go? 6. Offer at least one referral!
  26. Non-Judgmental Questions Victim may have difficulty identifying abuse as more than just physical violence. What is it like at home for you? What happens when you and your partner disagree? Has he ever thrown things or hurt you in any way? Does he put you down or call you names? How does he handle things when he doesn’t get his way? Do you have to account to him for all of your time? Does he use your religious beliefs against you? Are you scared he will harm you or your children?
  27. Tips for Working with Battered Women Ask Direct Questions To assess danger (Is he there?) To assess safety options (Friends that can help?) To gather basic information Empathy/Support It’s hard to make such important decisions That must be rough for you That must make you angry (sad, scared) Softening You are pretty hard on yourself, everyone has doubts (these feelings, reactions) I think you are expecting too much of yourself
  28. Tips for Working with Battered Women Improving Self-Esteem Sounds to me like you’re not a bad person, you want to make the best decision You’re just trying to be a good mother Feedback/Verification Let me see if I have the facts rights You want to do something but you’re not sure what Confrontation Sure it’s hard to make changes, but you said earlier you’ve had it Maybe you need to think about what is best for you
  29. Helpful Hints Treat victim with respect Assess the safety of victim Allow victim to vent feelings Sometimes it’s not clear what a victim wants. It’s ok to ask what made them call now or what they are hoping you can do for them Empower the victim to make choices and decisions. Call attention to her strengths Help victim feel they are building a relationship with the agency, not you as an individual. Use minimal self-disclosure
  30. Helpful Hints End interaction on a note of hopefulness if you can Resist temptation to say bad things about abuser Develop realistic expectations. By listening, you have performed a great service! Slow down, don’t rush to solve the problem. The initial problem may not be the most pressing If you get stuck, get curious Practices pauses, silence isn’t a bad thing If victim resists solution, she isn’t read to make changes. She just needs to talk and be heard.
  31. Questions? Yolanda Matos Valley Crisis Center PO Box 558 Nampa, ID 83653 208-467-4130 matosvcc@netscape.net yolandam@valleycrisiscenter.com
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