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Feeling Overwhelmed

Feeling Overwhelmed. Part 5. Review. Addiction is often about escaping when we feel overwhelmed We need to find healthy escapes Sometimes we bring being overwhelmed on ourselves due to bad decisions and unhealthy coping skills

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Feeling Overwhelmed

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  1. Feeling Overwhelmed Part 5

  2. Review • Addiction is often about escaping when we feel overwhelmed • We need to find healthy escapes • Sometimes we bring being overwhelmed on ourselves due to bad decisions and unhealthy coping skills • Sometimes being overwhelmed for short periods of time is a good thing • An important part of Recovery is learning when both feeling overwhelmed and escaping are healthy or unhealthy

  3. Tonight – danger in recovery – to think that if you do the right things, life will become easy – no obsession, no pain, no struggles - especially not overwhelming ones • This is often a subconscious expectation • Sometimes it is the result of a well trained fantasy approach to life • Sometimes it is picked up from comments by others in recovery • Misread the Promises of Big Book and Bible • It is part of our culture’s constant message – a happy life is a life of ease, comfort, prosperity

  4. Two facts • The best things in life have an element of pain and struggle • Childbirth, raising kids, relationships, training for a career • Love, the main characteristic of a healthy life, has many joyful parts, but it also calls for times of sacrifice and pain. And at times, the sacrifice and pain feel overwhelming • Note: I am not saying …. • That you should stay in an abusive relationship • That you should not set boundaries – that you should let people use you

  5. Our default setting • To avoid pain – to seek pleasure and comfort • To avoid sacrifice – to save our life, not give it away • Observation • A dysfunctional family seems to train children to be good at sacrifice and love – they have to give up their needs and desires so that they can meet the selfish desires of the person in the position of authority, or so that they can meet the needs of their younger siblings

  6. The reality is that a dysfunctional family trains a child to be selfish • The authority figure models/operates by the belief that the recipe for happiness is to be selfish – to always get your own way, to use other people, to indulge your selfish desires • The sacrifices that the child make for the authority are not appreciated, so they give no joy or pleasure. There is nothing that reinforces that sacrifice ultimately leads to joy • Therefore, the child gets a skewed perspective on sacrifice and, thus, on the recipe for happiness. They see sacrifice as never being good, and selfishness as the recipe for happiness

  7. The child can’t wait to be out on their own so that they can live for their own needs and desires • They become selfish like the authority figure in their life • Sacrifice, in their adult life, is often seen: • As a to get someone to like you. Therefore, self-serving • As something that is done begrudgingly; and if you have to do it for too long a period of time, you develop a resentment

  8. The paradox • John 12:24-27 – “Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honour the one who serves me. “Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour.”

  9. Matthew 26:38 – “Jesus began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, ‘My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.’ Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.’” • Psalm 126:5-6 – “Those who sow with tearswill reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.” • Philippians 2:17 – “I am being poured out as a drink offering”

  10. Conclusions • The recipe for joy is a paradox • Sacrifice – pouring out one’s life – is a characteristic of everyone who has made a positive impact on others • The goal is not an easy life where one has constant pleasure; the goal is genuine love, which sometimes involves elements of pain and sacrifice, which can feel overwhelming • The healthier we become, the more we love – that includes service and sacrifice. But we also learn how to balance loving service with proper self-care

  11. A healthy family is characterized by everyone, especially those in authority, being willing to make sacrifices for others. And it appreciates and rewards sacrifice • Our ego can distort service and sacrifice • Martyr complex – look at me, at how much pain I endure and how many sacrifices I make • I’m better than you because I’m involved in more service • It is easy to take on more service and neglect the ones God has given you to love – your family

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