Embracing Children in Trauma and Family Crisis

1. Embracing Children in Trauma and Family Crisis Linda Ranson Jacobs Healthy Loving Partnerships for Our Kids www.hlp4.com

2. Aaron’s Story One of abandonment Being taken by police officer Placed in emergency shelter Entering foster care Separated from sibling

3. Trauma & Family Crisis • Weather related disasters • Terrorist attacks • Death of someone close • Desertion of one or both parents • Foster care / kinship care • Divorce • Abuse • Deployed parent to war zone

4. Key Concepts • The nature of the trauma alone does not determine the reaction • When the children are in crisis, often the parents are also • Reactions to most traumas will be similar Taken from When Nothings Makes Sense. Disaster, Crisis and Their Effects on Children by Deskin and Steckler

5. Circle of Life • Preschool - family • Elementary - school • Teens - out of school activities

6. Key Concepts • When the trauma is very large, like a natural disaster, expect the impact to be widespread and long lasting • When the trauma is small like a divorce, the impact is still devastating to the individuals involved • Simply being a listening ear can be very helpful • When you reach out to families in crisis, you can be Jesus’ hands Taken from When Nothings Makes Sense. Disaster, Crisis and Their Effects on Children by Deskin and Steckler

7. Regression Quietness, lack of emotion Lethargy/apathy Complaint of pain Nightmares/disturbed sleep common Beware the quiet child Note behavior change May be attention getting behavior Child’s Emotional Reaction toCrisis Taken from When Nothings Makes Sense. Disaster, Crisis and Their Effects on Children, by Deskin and Steckler

8. Increased demands for attention Isolation Fearful/anxious Overactive/silliness Clingy, dependent Attempt to order world Withdrawal/crying Gain attention & release tension Child’s Emotional Reaction toCrisis Taken from When Nothings Makes Sense. Disaster, Crisis and Their Effects on Children, by Deskin and Steckler

9. Lessons Learned from the Oklahoma City Bombing • Children re-grieve the loss as they grow • Child’s reaction can be delayed • Children do not need to be the victim or have witnessed to be traumatized • Children have individual reaction

10. Lessons Learned from the Oklahoma City Bombing • Children have own time table for healing • Children grieve differently than adults • Children may need an invitation to talk after the trauma • Children need people to listen to them and their stories

11. Hardwired to Connect Developed by the Commission on Children At Risk

12. Research report co-sponsored by YMCA of the USA, Dartmouth Medical School, and the Institute for American Values. • Prepared by the Commission for Children at Risk, a panel of 33 leading children’s doctors, neuroscientists, research scholars, and youth service professionals.

13. The cause of this crisis of is…. • A lack of • Connectedness • close connections to other people • deep connections to • moral and • spiritual meaning

14. The brain is hardwired to survive. In times of stress the brain will “downshift”. It’s as if your receptive arms suddenly close down to information. It’s All About The Brain www.ConsciousDiscipline.com800-842-2846

15. Brain Downshifts Occur When There Are • Physical threats • Psychological threats • Intellectual threats • Emotional threats • Cultural/social threats • Resource restriction

16. Helpful Resources Group Publishing, “Comforting Children in Crisis” KidsHealth, www.kidshealth.org

17. Understanding Their Brains Brain Stem Limbic Cortex

18. Brain Stem - Freeze, Flight or Fight

19. Function Survival: Flight, Freeze, Fight Reactive and Fast Runs Away or withdraws Furious or Enraged Physical Attacks Examples: Hides / Freezes Runs Hits Brain Stem Survival Mode, Avoids Pain www.ConsciousDiscipline.com800-842-2846

20. What Can You Do? • You cannot rationalize the brain stem • You can describe what the action is. Ex. “Your body is going like this.” • Realize a response is to a perceived threat www.ConsciousDiscipline.com800-842-2846

21. Limbic - about Feelings

22. Function Feelings Emotions Memory Motivation Affiliation Boundaries Indicators Strong Affect (anger) Name Calling Territoriality Judging, Blaming Examples: “Stupid idiot!” “No butting! “That’s my place.” Limbic SystemAll About EmotionsSeeks Pleasure www.ConsciousDiscipline.com800-842-2846

23. What Can You Do? • You cannot teach the limbic system. • You can mirror and reflect what they are sensing. • Add empathy to the child Ex. “Seems to me your mad. I can understand why you would be sad.” www.ConsciousDiscipline.com800-842-2846

24. Cortex - Think Logically, Make Choices, etc.

25. Function Reason & Logic Analysis Language Compassion & Empathy Indicators: Annoyed Irritated Example: “He pushedme!” CortexFrontal LobesLikes Novelty/Challenge www.ConsciousDiscipline.com800-842-2846

26. What Can You Do? • Help child reason • Validate feelings • Listen to rationalizations • Facilitate problem solving • You can teach a child in the cortex www.ConsciousDiscipline.com800-842-2846

27. Activate Mirror Neurons • Kids mimic your expressions • “Mirror neurons show you what it’s like to experience what others do” (Bruce Perry, Born for Love) • Mirror neurons at work - “Have a good day.”

28. Children Need Your Empathy Not Your Pity Gavin conversation Christmas night Me: What’s going on? Tell me why you seem sad. Gavin: I miss my mom. I want my mommy. Me: I know you do. It’s hard not to have mommy here on Christmas isn’t it? Me: What could I do to help you tonight. Do you want me to rub your back or hold you for a little while? Gavin: Hold me Me: I can do that. Climb up here on my lap.

30. Dr. Bruce Perry, “Born to Love” Empathy has been eroding due to the rapid changes in our society that have become measurable over the last five years. All in all, we have fewer daily opportunities to connect face-to face in shorter amounts of time with smaller numbers of people.

31. Explaining Emotions (activity in DC4K)

32. Brain Fast Facts • The best exercise for the brain is exercise (get the kids moving) • Connections on the outside with others create connections on the inside • Recognize the value of repetition • Brain functions optimally when it feelssafe

33. Understanding the Legacy • Fear about safety • Behavior problems • Regression to younger habits • Total confusion

34. Short-Term Legacy • Intense stress • Overwhelming emotions • Difficulty completing task • Academic problems

35. Undue Stress • It’s uncomfortable • Causes health problems • Affects the brain • Smaller brains - on average 25% smaller • May affect the ability to memorize

36. Stress Reducing Tips • Stretching - cross lateral & midline • Breathe from the diaphragm • Foods - applesauce, mashed potatoes, OJ, bananas • Music

37. Create safe environments Be a Safe Keeper / Shepherd Develop routines, routines build security Develop rituals, rituals are emotional glue Tips & Techniques

38. Relationships are of utmost importance Get to know each child - Last names - all last names Josh’s story Tips & Techniques

39. What Does Scripture Say? “If one of you says to him, ‘Go I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?” James 2:16

40. “Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descend like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants.” Deuteronomy 32:2 (NIV)