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Adoption Network Cleveland

Adoption Network Cleveland. Adoption Search and Reunion/ Cautarea si reunirea in adoptie. Linda Bellini, MSSA, LISW Program Specialist, Adult Adoptees & Birthparents. Objectives Today/ obiectivele de azi

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Adoption Network Cleveland

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  1. Adoption Network Cleveland Adoption Search and Reunion/ Cautarea si reunirea in adoptie Linda Bellini, MSSA, LISW Program Specialist, Adult Adoptees & Birthparents

  2. Objectives Today/ obiectivele de azi • Understanding the lifelong journey of adoption/ saintelegemcalatoria de-a lungulvietii in adoptie • Learning common reasons why people search/ saintelegemmotivelecomune care-ifacpeoamenisacaute • Knowing the difference between search and reunion/ savedemdiferenteledintrecautaresireunire • Factors that increase the possibility of a successful reunion/ factorii care sporescposibilitatilesuccesului in reunire Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  3. Adoption is a lifelong, intergenerational process which links birthmothers, adoptees and adoptive families forever./ Adoptiaeste un proces de-a lungulvietii care leagapentrutotdeaunamamelebiologice, copiiiadoptatisifamilii adoptive • The lifelong adoption experience brings with it core issues, especially for those who grew up in a closed adoption./ experientaadoptiei, de-a lungulintregiivieti, aduce cu sine temecentrale, mai ales pentrucei care au crescut in adoptiiinchise • Children of the 1950s, 1960s and 1970s, now adults, grew up with much secrecy and silence. Copiii din 1950, 1960, 1970, care acum suntadulti, au crescutinsotiti de multataceresi secret. Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  4. Failed Goals of Secrecy in U.S. Adoptions/ obiectivelenerealizate ale secretului in adoptiile din Statele Unite • For Birthmothers/ ptmamelebiologice • They could easily resolve their feelings about the placement/ ar fi pututmaiusorsa-sirezolvesentimentele cu privire la plasamentulcopilului • They would be protected from being considered “unwed mothers”/ ar fi fostprotejate de situatia in care erau considerate mame cu copii din flori • They could forget about their child and move on – as if nothing happened/ ar fi pututuita de copilullorsisa-si continue viata ca sicandnimic nu s-ar fi petrecut Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  5. Failed Goals of Secrecy in U.S. Adoptions/ scopurinerealizate ale secretului in adoptii in Statele Unite • For Birthfathers/ pttatal biologic • They can just move on with no concern/ ei pot sa-sivada de treburilelorfaranici o grija • They would never need to assume any responsibility/ nu vortrebuiniciodatasa-siasumevreoresponsabilitate Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  6. Failed Goals of Secrecy in U.S. Adoptions/ Scopuriesuate ale pastrariisecretului in adoptie in Statele Unite • For Adopted Persons/ ptpersoaneleadoptate • They would be protected from being labeled “illegitimate”/ vor fi protejati de la a fi numiti ‘ílegitimi’ • They would be more easily integrated into the adoptive family/ se vorintegramaiusor in familiaadoptiva Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  7. Failed Goals of Secrecy in U.S. Adoptions/ scopuriesuate ale secretului in adoptie in Statele Unite • For Adoptive Parents/ptparintiiadoptivi • They could portray their family as that of a biological one/ isivorputeaportretizafamilia ca o familiebiologica • They would never need to tell anyone/ nu voraveanevoiesaspunanimanui • They could hide their pain of infertility/ vorputeaascundedurerealorlegata de infertilitate • They would not need to ever look back/ nu voraveanevoieniciodatasapriveasca in urma Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  8. Core Issues of Adoption for the Adopted Person/ problemecentrale ale adoptieiptpersoanaadoptata • Loss / Pierdere • Abandonment and Rejection/ abandon sirespingere • Shame and Guilt/rusinesivinovatie Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  9. Core Issues of Adoption for the Adopted Person/problemecentrale ale adoptieiptpersoanaadoptata • Identity/ identitate • Feeling Different/sentimentul ca e altfeldecatceilalti • Feeling like something is different/ sentimentul ca cevadifera Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  10. The Lifelong Journey of Adoption for Birthparents/ calatoria de-a lungulvietii in cazulparintilorbiologici • Often forgotten members of the adoption triad/ adeseorieisuntmembriiuitatiaitriadeiadoptiei • Societal attitudes in the post-World War II decades took their toll on the emotional, physical and spiritual health of birthparents, especially on birthmothers./ atitudineasocietala in deceniile de dupacel de Al DoileaRazboiMondial a taxatsanatateaemotionala, fizicasispirituala a parintilorbiologici, mai ales a mamelorbiologice Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  11. The Lifelong Journey of Adoption for Birthparents/ calatoria de-a lungulvietii in cazulparintilorbiologici • Typically the painful loss of their child through adoption overshadows the rest of their lives (isolation, unexpressed grief, secrecy)/ in mod obisnuitpierdereadureroasa a copiluluilorprinadoptie le umbresterestulvietii (izolare, durereneexprimata, secret) Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  12. The Lifelong Journey of Adoption for Birthparents/ calatoria de-a lungulvietii in cazulparintilorbiologici • Triggers include birth of another child; seeing friends and relatives with babies, milestone events of the relinquished and/or other child(ren)/ factoriiprovocatori pot fi nastereaunui alt copil; savadaprietenisau rude cu bebelusi; evenimentecapitale in care alt copilsaucopiieste/suntabandonati Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  13. The Lifelong Journey of Adoption for Birthparents/ calatoria de-a lungulvietii in cazulparintilorbiologici • Negative – Coping by self-blame and stigmatizing; perceived relational failure(s); depression; denial; self-medicating; seeking support/counseling/ negativi: safaca fata autoinvinovatiriisistigmatizarii; esecurilorrelationalepercepute; depresiei; negarii; auto-medicatiei; cautarii de sprijin/consiliere; Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  14. The Lifelong Journey of Adoption for Birthparents/ calatoria de-a lungulvietii in cazulparintilorbiologici • Positive – Finding a “voice” – sharing their stories to educate adoption professionals, prospective adoptive parents, their families, the general public; working to change legislation to open sealed records/ pozitiv: sa-sigaseasca (sadevina ) o voce – sa-siimpartaseascapovestileunorprofesionistiformati in adoptii, parintilor care dorescsaadopte, familiilorlor, publiculuilarg; salucrezepentru a schimbalegislatia in sensul de a deschidedosarelesigilate Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  15. The Lifelong Journey of Adoption for Adoptive Parents/ calatoria de-a lungulvietii in cazulparintiloradoptivi • Requires adaptation to build a family through adoption/ saconstruiesti o familieprinadoptie, cere o bunaadaptare; • Preparation needed to make space for birthfamily, especially birthmother, in their child’s heart and mind/ suntnecesare pregatiripentru a face locfamilieibiologice, mai ales mameibiologice, in inimasiminteacopiluluiloradoptat Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  16. The Lifelong Journey of Adoption for Adoptive Parents/ calatoria de-a lungulvietii in cazulparintiloradoptati • Assistance needed in the healthy management of the absent birthfamily presence, psychologically and physically/ estenecesara o asistentapsihologicasifizicapentrumanagementulsanatos al prezenteifamilieibiologice absente • Acceptance of adult son’s/daughter’s need to search/ acceptareanevoiifiului/fiiceiadulte de a cauta Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  17. What is Search?/Ce estecautarea? • For the birthparents who did not pursue it: /ptparintiibiologici care nu au tintitasta: • Not wanting to disrupt their son’s/daughter’s life/ nedorindsaintrerupaviatafiului/fiicei; • Not wanting to intrude on the adoptive family/ nedorindsa fie intruzivi cu familiaadoptiva; Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  18. What is Search?/ ceestecautarea? • For the birthparents who did not pursue it:/ ptparintiibiologici care nu au tintitasta: • Fear of rejection/teama de respingere; • Not believing it’s their right to search/ nu cred ca araveadreptulsacaute; • The unspoken agreement to never talk about their child again/ conventianeexprimata de a nu maivorbiniciodatadesprecopilullor; Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  19. What is Search?/ceestecautarea? • For the birthparents who do search: ptparintiibiologici care cauta: • They have a medical genetic problem/ au problememedicalesaugenetice; • A need to know that their son/daughter had a good life/ au nevoiesastie ca fiul/fiicalor are o viatabuna • To share why they made an adoption plan – to share their story/ saimpartaseascacelorlaltimotivulpentru care au facut un plan de a-si da copilul in adoptie- sa-siimpartaseascapovestealor; • To answer any questions/ saraspundaoricareiintrebari; Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  20. What is Search?/ ceestecautarea? • For the Adoptive Parents:/ ptparintiiadoptivi: • They may have a cognitive recognition that it is a natural for their son/daughter to want to have their questions answered, but the emotional impact could be very different/ s-arputeasa fie constienti de faptul ca este natural ca fiul/fiicalorsadoreascasaaibaraspunsuri la intrebarilelor; • Fear of losing their son/daughter to the birthmother and/or birthfamily/ teama de a-sipierdefiul/fiicace-I valasasivapleca la mama saufamiliabiologica; Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  21. What is Search?/Ce estecautarea? • For the Adoptive Parents: ptparintiiadoptivi: • Unresolved failure and loss – “We loved and nurtured them, but not enough or they wouldn’t want to search”/ pierderesieroarenerezolvata- ‘L-AM IUBIT SI L-AM HRANIT DAR NU A FOST SUFICIENT PT A-L IMPIEDICA SA CAUTE” • Prompts feelings of inadequacy and rejection/ mentinesentimente de inadecvaresirespingere; • Threatened; Worried/ amenintare; ingrijorari Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  22. When to Search/ Candcauti? • Be emotionally ready/safiipregatit emotional; • Be clear about why searching/ sastii de cecauti; • Be prepared for the ups and downs of the process/ safiipregatitptsuisurilesicoborasurileprocesului Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  23. When to Search/ candcauti • Have support system in place (adoption support group, counselor)/ saai un sistem de sprijin functional (grupuri de sprijin, consiliere) • When self-motivated (should not be driven by others)/ candesti auto-motivat (sa nu telasicondus de altii) Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  24. Search Process/ procesulcautarii • Assemble all known information – best place to start is with the agency that handled the adoption/ asambleazatoateinformatiilecunoscute-celmai bun loc de a incepoeesteagentia care s-a ocupat cu adoptia; • Research relevant laws in the country where the child was born and adopted; / cautalegilerelevante in statul in care s-a nascutcopilulsi a fostadoptat;in the USA each state has different laws/ in Statele Unite fiecare stat are legidiferite; Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  25. Search Process/ procesulcautarii • Register with reunion registries available through the country, state, organizations/ registrulundesuntinregistrarereunirile, disponibil la nivel de stat, organizatii • Find competent search resources/search professionals within the country and/or state of birth/ gasesteresursecompetente in cautare/ cautaprofesionisti din statulrespectivsau/sistatulunde a avutlocnasterea; Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  26. Search Process/ Procesul de cautare • Research court documents available (marriage, divorce, birth, death)/ cautadocumentele de la tribunal care suntdisponibile • Country specific articles, blogs and support groups may be good sources of information in an international search/ articolespecifice, bloguri, grupuri de sprijin pot fi sursebune de informatieintr-o cautare la nivel international Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  27. Search Process/procesul de cautare • Social Media – use of the Internet and various social networking sites, such as Facebook, can be very helpful but be cautious/ media –utilizatiinternetulsidiferite site-uri ale unorretelesociale, cum ar fi Facebook- acestea pot fi utile darfitiprevazatori cu ele; Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  28. Emotional Roller Coaster of Search/ tangajul emotional al cautarii • Anger/ furie • Sadness/suparare • Fear of rejection/teama de respingere • Stirring up painful memories/ fixareapeamintitridureroase • Disappointing the person found/ dezamagireapersoaneigasite Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  29. Emotional Roller Coaster of Search/ tangajul emotional al cautarii • Outcome not meeting expectations/ rezultatele nu corespundasteptarilor • Finding death at the end of a search/ gasestimoarte la capatulcautarii • Running into dead ends/ alergisprecapat • Feeling overwhelmed/ tesimticoplesit • Taking a break/ itiiei o pauza Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  30. Making Contact/ realizareacontactului • Be emotionally prepared for different outcomes/ fiipregatit emotional ptdiferitevariante • Searcher must always respect the wishes of the person found/ cel care cautatrebuiesarespecteintotdeaunadorintelepersoaneigasite • Pace the time between initial contact and an actual meeting/ regleazatimpuldintrecontactul initial siintalnire; Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  31. Making Contact/ realizareacontactului • Allow the person found the time to process the situation and their emotions/ ingaduiepersoaneigasitesa-siiatimpulnecesarpentru a procesasituatiasipropriileemotii; • Establish boundaries for ongoing contact/ stabilestelegaturipentru a mentinecontinuucontactul; • Get support from others who understand/ gaseste-ti sprijin in randurilecelor care inteleg; Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  32. Contact Strategies/ strategii de contact • The end of the search is really the beginning/ capatulcautariieste cu adevaratdoarinceputul • Making a phone call/ da telefon • Writing a letter/scriiscrisoare • Using an intermediary/ teservesti de un intermediar • Waiting for a reply/ asteptiraspunsul Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  33. Plan Ahead for a Reunion/ planificadinaintereunirea • Where will it take place?/ undevaavealoc? • When will it take place?/ candvaavealoc? • Who will participate? / cine vaparticipa? Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  34. New Roles Post-Reunion/ Rolurinoidupareunire • For the Adoptee:/ ptadoptat: • Learning how to integrate new people into one’s life/ invata cum saintegrezenoilepersoane in propriaviata; • Managing the amount of information learned can be overwhelming/ managementulcantitatii de informatieaflatapoate fi coplesitor; • Taking time to develop relationships/ ia-ti timpptdezvoltarearelatiilor; Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  35. New Roles Post-Reunion/ rolurinoi post-reuniune • For the Birthparents:/ ptparintiibiologici • How to tell others who might not know about the adoption?/ cum saspuialtora, care s-arputeasa nu stienimicdespreadoptie? • How do they fit into their son’s/daughter’s life?/ cum se vorpotriviei in viatafiului/fiicei tale? • Learning how to establish meaningful communication with the adoptee/ sainveti cum sastabilesti o comunicareplina de sens cu adoptatul; Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  36. New Roles Post-Reunion/ rolurinoi post reunire • For the Adoptive parents: Pt parintiiadoptiv: • Learning how to manage insecurities that surface/ sainveti cum safaci fata nesiguranteloraparente; • Learning how to manage worries about son/daughter turning away from them or liking their birthfamily better/ sainveti cum safaci fata ingrijorarilor cu privire la posibilitatea ca fiul/fiica ta arputeasa se intoarcasisa se lege din nou de familiabiologica; • Being supportive can result in bringing parents and adoptee closer/ dacaacorzi tot sprijinul s-arputeasarestabilestiapropiereadintreparintiiadoptivisipecopiluladoptat; Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  37. Pitfalls in Reunion / caderi in timpulreunirii • Resolving past issues/ rezolvareaproblemelorvechi; • Lack of open communication/ lipsa de comunicaredeschisa; • Unmet expectations/ asteptarinerealizate; • Different values-different lives/ valoridiferite- vietidiferite • Bad Timing for the person found/ moment nepotrivitpentrupersoanagasita Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  38. Transformation in USA Adoptions/ transformari in adoptiile din SUA • Moving from secrecy to openness in adoption / evolutiadinspre secret spredeschidere in adoptie; • States changing legislation to allow for open records to adoptees (Ohio in March 2015)/ schimbarealegislatiei din diferitele state astfelincatsapermitadeschidereadosarelorcatreadoptati (Ohio in martie 2015) • Growing up in an Open Adoption/ a cresteintr-o adoptiedeschisa Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  39. Conclusions/ concluzii • Searcher controls process and pace/ cautatorulcontroleazaprocesulsiritmul • Honor given to all parties/ toatepartiletrebuieonorate • Even with undesirable outcomes, searchers always thankful to know the truth/ chiardacarezultatelecautariisuntnedorite, cautatoriisuntintotdeaunamultumitisacunoascaadevarul; • Importance of emotional preparation and support/ importantapregatiriiemotionalesi a sprijinului Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  40. 1,950 searches to completion!/ 1950 Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  41. Adoption Network Cleveland Sources Journeys After Adoption: Understanding Lifelong IssuesJayne E. Schooler and Betsie L. Norris The Girls Who Went Away Ann Fessler The Spirit of Open Adoption James Gritter The Seven Core Issues of AdoptionSharon Kaplan Roszia and Deborah Silverstein Birthbond: Reunions Between Birthparents and Adoptees: What Happens AfterJudith S. Gediman and Linda P. Brown The Adoption Reunion Survival GuideJulie Jarrell Bailey and Lynn Giddens, M.A. www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  42. Adoption Network Cleveland • Contact Us • (216) 325-1000 www.AdoptionNetwork.org Linda Bellini Program Specialist, Adult Adoptees and Birthparents (216) 482-2323 Linda.Bellini@AdoptionNetwork.org Facebook: Adoption Network Cleveland Twitter: AdoptionNetCle Youtube: youtube.com/adoptionnetcle Linkedin: Adoption Network Cleveland www.AdoptionNetwork.org

  43. calatoria de-a lungulvietii in cazulparintilorbiologici

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