Clergy and Faith-Based Leader Response to Domestic Violence

1. Clergy and Faith-Based Leader Response to Domestic Violence North Dakota Department of Health “Conference on Preventing and Responding to Injuries in ND” Presenter – Desiree’ Uhrich October 29, 2008

2. Types of Abuse • Physical • Emotional/Psychological • Sexual • Financial • Spiritual

3. Intimate Violence • Battering or sexual assault by spouse or partner • Incest or sexual abuse of a child by family member or caretaker • Physical or emotional abuse or neglect of a child or children • Abuse or neglect of a vulnerable adult (age or physical disability) • Homicide by one family member of another or by a partner

4. Trauma Not everyone who experiences IV ends up with harmful effects. Women who have been victims of child sexual abuse demonstrate twice as much impairment as women who have not. Women who have been raped are 9 times more likely than nonvictims to attempt suicide. Also higher risk for alcohol/drugs, eating disorders, anxiety disorders. Women in battering relationships higher risk for suicide.

5. How prevalent is IV? Women are more likely to be assaulted in their homes by someone they love and trust than they are on the streets of most American cities. Study by U.S. Dept of Justice – Child abuse and domestic violence account for 1/3 of the total cost of crime. Men are more likely to be victims of violent crime in general, but women are more than 10 times more likely to be victimized by an intimate partner.

6. Overwhelming SILENCE We know about the statistics in our churches and communities, yet there is still silence. Why? Because facing the realities of intimate violence and its traumatic consequences is much harder than staying blind to it.

7. What is asked of you? All the perpetrator asks is that you be a bystander and do nothing. This appeals to our desire to see, hear, and speak no evil. Very tempting. . . . The victim asks you as the bystander to bear the burden of pain and demands action and engagement and remembering.

8. What have we done? As a culture and as a church, we have consistently sided with the perpetrator through our silence. Victims of intimate violence have been silenced by our disbelief and discrediting. One of the KEYS to recovery from trauma of IV is to remember and tell the story and to be believed.

9. Intimate Violence and the Church’s Response Rated as both the least-used and least-helpful resource compared to friends, family, therapists, family doctors, social service agencies. Victims who have reported their pastors helpful were from churches where social problems were addressed and a safe environment was created where women felt safe in coming forward with their stories.

10. Intimate Violence and the Church’s Response Women who are committed to their religious traditions often turn to their pastor with family problems. Women who have experienced IV are more likely to leave the church than nonabused women. Why? They experienced revictimization through silencing. – Church’s betrayal is symbolic of God’s betrayal.

11. “Churches need to be known as a place where we hold perpetrators accountable and where we are on record as religious communities that abuse is not tolerated. When offenders are held accountable, we can be come a safe community to heal.” Marie Fortune

12. Spiritual Abuse • Ignoring religious traditions of victim or ridiculing them. • Preventing victim from participating in religious/spiritual ceremonies/events or church. • Justifying violence or domination based on religious teaching. • Misusing scripture to instill fear. • Dictating how another should believe or perceive God and their faith. • Using shame or guilt to influence and control. • Maligning God by conveying that another is not deserving of God’s love, freedom, and grace.

13. Silence Resignation Self-blame Confusion Terror/Fear Trauma Unexpressed anger Isolation Physical injury Inward scars Deprivation in diet, basic needs, clothing, medical and dental care Physical ailments brought on by years of stress – fibromialgia, IBS, PTSD, headaches, anxiety, depression What Do Victims Experience?

14. Fear Anger Hopelessness Insecurity Sadness Guilt Shame Embarrassment Vulnerability Feeling Powerless Low self-esteem Hyper vigilance Emotional Impact of Abuse

15. Loss of hope Loss of faith Loss of trust Fear Vulnerability = Pain Silence that is filled with the noise of anxiety and frightening images Feeling unworthy Anger and hurt inhibit forgiveness Guilt Question, “Why did God allow this?” Despair and anxiety make prayer difficult Spiritual Impact of Abuse

16. Hope Courage Confidence Abundance Ability to love God, oneself, others, and all creation Trust/Faith Dignity Silence that fosters reflection and insight Recognize possibility for new life Security and acceptance Safety Growth Compassion for oneself Forgiveness of self and others Struggle for Wholeness

17. Quotes • “Hope emerges among those who publicly articulate and process their grief over their suffering.” (Brueggemann) • “Trust is not just a psychological issue – it is in fact a faith issue, indeed the faith issue.” (Fox) • “I will not let it continue to make me feel bad about myself. I will not let it limit my ability to love and trust others in my life. I will not let my memory of the experience continue to victimize and control me.” (A survivor)

18. What Image(s) Come to Mind? What image comes to mind when you think about domestic violence?

19. What Image Comes To Mind?

20. How do you view intimate violence theologically? Where is God in it all? How do we read scripture/sacred text to help us look at domestic violence? What are the characteristics of God, i.e. mercy, justice, etc. that motivate us to action? What is helpful for survivors?

21. Spiritual Resources are of central importance to victims Not uncommon for survivors to report that they prayed to survive battering or to live through a rape Many have a deeply personal connection to the Divine and confidence in God’s faithfulness and presence

22. “I would sit outside my bedroom door reading the 23rd Psalm over and over and wait for him to fall asleep.” – A survivor Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff – they comfort me.

23. 23rd Psalm You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup overflows.

24. 23rd Psalm Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord my whole life long.

25. Important resources What resources do our faith traditions hold for us as we seek to become a community where accountability, prevention, and healing are possible in the context of domestic violence?

26. Theological Resources 1. Nature of justice as understood in Scripture 2. Consistent biblical mandate of hospitality Especially to strangers Most vulnerable Community was called to protect the widow, the sojourner, and the orphan • Especially prophetic traditions • Justice is the core principle running throughout all of scripture • Essence of God is justice • Carefully listen to those who have not been heard

27. Jesus sees those who are “invisible” to the rest of society. He makes room and shows hospitality. Who is “invisible” in our society now? Luke 7:36-50 – The woman with the alabaster jar of ointment for Jesus' feet. Mark 5:21-43 – The outcast woman who hemorrhaged for 12 years. John 4:4-42 The woman at the well The widows and the orphans in the books of the prophets. Scriptural Passages

28. Exodus God freed the Israelite nation from suffering and slavery. Expected Israel to care for those on the margins – poor, widows, orphans. God proclaims liberation for those bound by the terrors of violence in their families. Resurrection Need to hear about that power which overcame Jesus’ total vulnerability and suffering. Need to learn that they too have the possibility for a new life. Healing and wholeness are possible. Two Primary Images from Judeo-Christian Tradition

29. Honoring the Body • “For it was you who formed my inward parts; you who knit me together in my mother’s womb .” Psalm 139 • Bodies are sacred • Embodiment is central to the Christian faith, i.e. church is the body of Christ • Wounded and abused bodies are persons made in God’s image.

30. Honoring the Body • Matthew’s Gospel affirms that when we minister to others we minister to him • Bodily vulnerability is something we all share. • View the world through Jesus’ body. His wounded but resurrected body brings into focus the bodies of all the wounded and abused in the world.

31. Honoring the Body

32. Goals for Domestic Violence Intervention • SAFETY for the woman and children • ACCOUNTABILITY for the abuser • RESTORATION of individuals and, IF POSSIBLE, relationships OR MOURNING the loss of the relationships

33. What happens when the victim comes to the pastor? Marie Fortune warns, “You will not be able to believe her” if his public role includes governance of the church, SS teacher, generous steward, etc. Your experience with that individual is real and true and PUBLIC. The victim’s experience with the individual is real and true and PRIVATE. With most of us, we go with our experience even when info conflicts with it.

34. 3 Major Approaches for Caring for Victims of IV 1. Short-term crisis needs for women and children in midst of IV where focus must be on victim’s safety and perpetrator’s accountability 2. Caring for victims who seek pastoral care to recover from the trauma. May be well after the fact. 3. Prevention and resistance.

35. What should I say? What are some things you could say to a victim that would be helpful in you role as clergy person, or church man or woman?

36. What should I say? • I believe you and I’m sorry this is happening to you. • No one deserves to be abused. I am afraid for your safety and the safety of your children. • Help is available. You are not alone, this happens to other women. Here is a number you can call for advocacy and shelter. I’ll stay with you if you’d like to call now. • If addressing spiritual aspect – “God desires your safety and protection.” “You have a faith community that supports you.” (if it is true) “Would you like to pray together?” – Gauge the appropriateness of your comments here.

37. How Can Clergy/Faith-Based Leaders Effectively Practice Intervention and Prevention? • Get as much training as possible – Go through volunteer training offered by local program. • Recognize the power of compassionate presence - Henri Nouwen calls it “compassionate solidarity.” • Give public voice to the issue of domestic violence. Encourage the faith community to be a safe place for victims to come for help. Utilize sermons, newsletters, bulletins, meetings, etc. to raise awareness.

38. Images of Hope – Women are Sacred – People are Sacred

41. Despair Hope

42. New Life and Hope “The Resurrection” by Joseph Cusimano