Stages of Dating

1. Stages of Dating Are You Dateable? Hate it when Love it when

2. Stage One: Gushy POEM • Typical Words & Actions • “We have so many things in common.” • “No one else has ever felt quite like this before.” • Try and do everything to please each other • Be on time, laugh at jokes, never disagree, be on best behavior • Putting on a front being something they are not. Everything is artificial

3. Characteristics of Stage One • Same likes: music, cars, people, food • Non-critical • Conversation keeps going • Need to be physical (always holding hands, hugging) • Writes the other persons name all over everything • Love the sound of their names together • Dating relationships are usually short • Everything is funny • Co-equals (where to eat, “you decide.” “No, you decide etc.) • Lots of kissing • Constantly saying “I love you” • Lots of talking to each other on the phone • Lots of text messaging, emailing, instant messaging • Attend ready made entertainment (movies, dances etc.) Scenario 1A &1B

4. Stage Two: Playing Games“Hormones Suck!” • Typical Characteristics • Ups and Downs • Remember who their friends are because now they need them. • Have swollen eyes from crying on the average of three times a day. • Have hearts crossed out all over their notebooks.

5. Characteristic of Stage Two • Very possessive and jealous • Comes late for dates or they are not ready when the date comes to pick them up. • Disputes are created or they are real • Power struggle over the plans • Where to eat, what to do, who to go with.. • A time of extreme emotions • The real person comes out • Pettiness / Pet peeves are expressed and dwelt upon • Feeling more comfortable with each other. • Values their personality more than their looks. • Testing of commitment to the relationship and to each other. Usually the break up stage. Scenario 2A & 2B

6. Stage 3: Goal Directed • Typical Words: “Were planning our future together” “I want YOU to be happy” “ I will love you unconditionally”

7. Characteristics of Stage Three • They are glad to see each other do things with other friends • They trust one another • They are not all over each other whenever they’re alone • The are interested in seeing each other fulfill goals • They want each other to be happy • They are interested in each other’s long term happiness • It’s not all about short term pleasures • They can talk about non-romantic topics (in-laws, children, money, sex, religion, occupation, politics, holidays etc.) • They are comfortable being themselves • They begin to remember things about each other and adapt to it (which foods they don’t like, they stay up late, they go to bed early, they are tight with money etc.) • They may become engaged • More mature • They will often times start to make wedding plans Scenario 3A

8. Which stage do teens or young adults tend to marry in? • What are the results of this? • Which stage do divorces happen in? • Can a couple get to stage 3 and still find out that they don’t share the same dreams and goals? • How did it get this far? Should they marry?

9. CYBER DATING • What is this type of dating missing? • What are the risks? • You don’t know who the person really is • Never get a chance to get to know the person doing daily activities • Live in a fantasy world • Communication lacks body language • Many times people lie and mislead Scenario 4A & 4B

10. Explain your picture In 1 or 2 words – Why did you choose that picture? What was the reason you chose the picture mainly based upon? Is this wrong or bad?

11. Are you dateable? • Complete both of the personal assessments: • Are you dateable? • Do’s and Don'ts of dating • Remember to complete the personal analysis • These will help with your sticky note writings.

12. “You Drive me Crazy!” • Girls on one side and boys on the other. • As a group write what you hate about the other sex. • The person with the ball will share a pet peeve in dating and then hand the ball to the person to his/her right. • The writer will jot down two or three words to describe that pet peeve. • Share what your group wrote down • Opposite Sex just listen. You will have chance to respond and defend. • Do you agree/disagree? Is it fair what they are saying?

13. “AAAAAHHHHH, how sweet” • As a group write what you love about the opposite sex • The person with the ball will share a pet peeve in dating and then hand the ball to the person to his/her right. • The writer will jot down two or three words to describe that pet peeve. • Share what your group wrote down. • Opposite Sex just listen. You will have chance to respond and defend. • Do you agree/disagree? Is it fair what they are saying?

14. TOP RATINGS • Girls – how to rate with the guys • Fun to talk to • Attractive • Acts feminine • Neat in appearance • Not demanding • Prompt • Personality • Friendly • Sense of humor • Mature • Guys-how to rate with the girls • Gentleman, polite • Sense of humor • Prompt, respects curfews • Sincere compliments • Considerate • Fun • Personality • Kind • Chooses activities

15. Do’s and Don’ts of dating. • Have You listed 5 positive dating characteristics you can do to contribute to your positive dating experience? • Maybe now you have some ideas or here are some more…..

16. Dating Characteristics POSITIVE • Being concerned with your date’s comfort • Being able to carry on a conversation • Being able to ask questions • Stay attentive to your date • Show respect for the other person • Be yourself, be genuine NEGATIVE • Speaking freely of past relationships • Being oblivious to the partner’s need • Being unfamiliar with rules of etiquette • Pointing out faults • Dominating the topic • Pretending to know everything • Talking about yourself the entire time • Being worried about what you will say

17. Share and discuss • Identify the items that are NOT socially acceptable behaviors that make it hard for one to date. • What messages do these behaviors send? • Are you willing to overlook any? Why? • Dangers if overlook these? • What if the dating characteristics do not support your personal values and goals?

18. Remember ……. • Your appearance and hygiene • Look and smell your best • Your posture • Your words • Clothing selection and care Physical attractiveness might get you a date, but it won’t get a long-term happy relationship.

19. Dating is Fun – Don’t be blinded by the fun. • Monday you go out, Tuesday you clean your room, Wednesday you go out, Thursday you wash the car, Friday you go out, and Saturday too. • You laugh, get dressed up, new experiences, you’re admired….. • How is this NOT like real life?

20. How does a person feel about self and about date? • Are you in love with your friends too? • How can you tell the difference?

21. Remove the Blinders • Are you in love/like with this person or with the activities and actions? • Can you have just as much fun doing the same activity with another person? • Are doing mundane chores together fun? • Can you spend time apart?

22. Dating Tips • The quickest way to make anyone like you is to like them first. Be friendly, smile and relax. • Develop a good personality. • Be well-groomed. • Cultivate sensitive awareness to the reactions of other people. • Never break a date to accept another. It is inexcusable to stand anyone up. • It is never in good taste to be late. • Don’t be over sensitive or self-centered.