Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally Yosha’s HOW TO APPROACH GIRLS ON THE STREET DIRECTLY & NATURALLY
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally I Have a Confession To Make... I have really bad night-game. I find it hard even opening at night. Me and my friends regularly host nights at top London nightclubs, which is where we invite out girls to - so I’m SURROUNDED by girls on our table, who I dance and have fun with. But other hot girls in the club that aren’t in our group? I’m terrified of talking to them. I just find the whole environment stifling. I’m intimidated by much better looking, more confident seeming and I always ASSUME hot girls in a nightclub won’t be interested in me. So just to clarify - I’m like a complete AFC when it comes to the classic understanding of ‘THE GAME’ - i.e, approaching and attracting hot girls in a nightclub environment. But I am currently dating three beautiful girls. Infact, I’m very guys, completely
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally confident that in a couple of months time, I’ll have twice that. By this time next year, I’m VERY VERY confident that I would have found a girl of such high quality that I’ll want to have a serious monogamous with her. I can guarantee you now - if you dedicate yourself to doing what I say to do, battle through all rejections, correcting your and persevering - you will be in a position where you can date as many hot girls as you like, without using any scripted openers, routines, or gimmicks - just being yourself. mistakes relationship “Eh? But I thought you said your game was shit?” Yup. Wanna know how? Street game. And not just “excuse me, I’m looking for the nearest treehouse” kind of street-game - I’m talking about DIRECT street-game. I’m talking about going up to the hottest girls you can find and letting them know straight away that you’re interested in them. I’m talking about not really having a clue exactly what you’re going to say when you approach, but instead trusting yourself to come up with what is needed in the moment.
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally Now. Sitting comfortably? Gum? Ok, let’s begin. When I first started doing direct, I got exactly the same response. The difference is I didn’t give up. I made a firm decision that DIRECT STREET GAME was what I wanted to do. It’s how I’ve decided to play the game. So I put on my seatbelt, and rode it out, till the bitter end. So forget about any negative experiences TRYING direct street game. You were just doing it wrong. I’m going to tell you how to do it right. Forget About How You Think It Should Be Done Firstly, forget anything you’ve ever experienced direct street game. I hear so many people tell me “but I’ve tried direct, and they just tell you straight away they’ve got a boyfriend”. They probably do. ME. I got there first ;) about you’ve had
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally The Difference Between Direct and Indirect clearly don’t take care of yourself, and generally sound like an uncalibrated weirdo - 99% of the time she will stop to answer your question, as doing so isn’t conveying any romantic or sexual interest towards you. generally nice, polite people as long as you are nice and polite to them. When you approach a girl indirectly on the street (ask for directions, a female opinion), you are HIDING your true intentions (that you are interesting in the girl romantically/sexually). Because of this, the girl isn’t considering you as a potential romantic interest, so if you are dressed poorly, have poor body language, Girls are Infact, it is impossible to get rejected from going indirect. You can’t reject someone HONESTLY asking for a female opinion - infact to do
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally so would actually be quite rude. People get rejected when their intentions ARE unintentionally through, despite the indirect verbal communication. So now the girl can reject you, because she is now rejecting what she perceives to be your COVERT advances. If you go indirect, you need to be 100% indirect, so as not to arouse suspicion in the girl. If you are going indirect, but they can TELL that you really have romantic/sexual towards them, it is perceives as WEAK behaviour, because you are clearly too scared of saying what’s really on your mind, for fear or rejection. intentions coming When you approach a girl directly, you are forcing her to make a second by second decision whether or not she can see you as a potential date/boyfriend/sexual
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally partner. She might reject your straight away, she might listen to you for a few seconds then decide you’re not her cup of tea, or you might be talking to her for 10 minutes, give you her number, then when you call, decide not to answer the phone then. directly is VERY POWERFUL. If she perceives you as low value, it’s not. Two people could approach a hot girl, say exactly the same thing, but get complete different results. Depending on what is being communicated, either be perceives as a high value, confidence, exciting man who isn’t afraid to say what’s on is mind.... or not. you will Approaching Directly From a Position of High Value I’m going to teach you how to come across as high value. It’s the classic fake it before you make it thing. Actually BEING If she perceives you as a HIGH VALUE guy, approaching her
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally high value is your ultimate goal - but this takes time and high value experiences. Infact, alot of guys I have shown this stuff to REALLY ARE high value people. They either don’t realise it, or they just FORGET their value when they are in the presence of a hot girl. The only way to combat this is to approach, approach, approach untill you are desensitised to it. Eventually you won’t forget your value, you won’t be afraid any more. You’ll be able to approach the hottest girls, and act with the same confidence as when you talk to your best friend. Afterall, isn’t confidence just the absence of fear? This Is How Girls Want To Be Approached This is the stuff movies are made of. Every girl I’ve ever been with who I met using this
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally approach has told me they LOVED the way I approached. They told me they’d never been approached that way. Listen guys - 99.99999% of guys DON’T do this. Despite what you’ve heard GIRLS DON’T GET APPROACHED LIKE THIS. Sure, guys try to ‘strike up conversation’ with hot girls. But NOONE goes straight up and does what I do. If you do this right, you can forget about DHVing. Your approach demonstration of high value. is the So How Do You Do It In A High Value Way? They are many things that communicate when you do a direct street approach. Here are the main ones that you need: high value
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally 1. Fashion & Grooming Before you take any pick- up courses or spend ANY money what so ever on material or products - WORK ON YOUR FASHION. The fabrics that you decide to adorn your body with say more about you than you probably know. I girl WILL REJECT YOU, just because you are wearing clothes that communicate low value. This isn’t so important for indirect game - but for direct game it is ESSENTIAL. When you’re selling your house, you are always advised to spend a few thousand pounds on making it look more presentable, so people will be more likely to buy it, even if the things you are buying won’t even be there when you’ve moved, like plants, furniture and curtains.
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally The point is, potential buyers (with little imagination) come in and make a quick decision based on the FEELING that the house gives them. If you spend a few thousand making the house FEEL like a home, they are far more likely to buy it. So don’t like your fashion be the reason they girl rejects you. Ask the girl later why she didn’t stop and talk to you, and she probably won’t know. If you don’t know ANYTHING about fashion, then I would strongly advice seeing a professional I went to see Ollie from PUATraining and the change was staggering. You can download his PDF from the website (www.puatraining. com) - on there you’ll see he actually used me as a casestudy). If you don’t have any money, then start paying attention to fashion who does.
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally 2. Vibe magazines, or getting some advice from any friends who do have really good fashion sense. As a general rule, make sure your clothes are WELL FITTED, and if you’re unsure, keep the colours to a minimum. If you like funky, rocky kinda stuff, then go for that kind of look. If you’re more of a suave, gentleman type of fello, then go for that kind of look. This is the hardest thing to master, but with practice it will come. I would describe your vibe as the ‘general feeling’, or the energy that is coming from you. The coolest guys I know just emit a never ending supply of positivity, self-contentment and joy. We’ve all spoken to people who aren’t really saying anything to turn us off, but there’s just SOMETHING about him that communicates an unhappiness, or a deep DON’T TRY AND DRESS IN A WAY THAT DOESN’T SUIT YOUR PERSONALITY.
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally insecurity that is preventing him from truly expressing himself. His VIBE is just a bit off. In RSD’s Blueprint, Tyler says the ‘The Self is ALWAYS Coming Through’. This is your vibe. Having the right vibe will get you laid. Naturals don’t know game. They just have an awesome vibe. serious. Then later in the day he comes across a really friendly, sexy girl who gives him a really positive response, which REMINDS HIM that he IS actually a cool, high value guy. From this point onwards, every girl he approaches is different. He’s not saying anything different before... but his vibe has changed. I can see he is more positive now. He’s happier. I can’t tell you what it is he’s DOING that is making come across this way.... maybe a slight cheeky smile after saying something... maybe it’s a glint in his eye - but its because he actually feeling more confident with what he’s doing. I’ve seen people approach, and get blown up. And they’re vibe is really.... serious. Not perhaps very negative, but there’s just something not quite right. Watching him talk to the girl, there’s just a SERIOUSness to him.... I tell him to smile, and he does, but his VIBE is just kinda.....
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally He’s ACTUALLY ENJOYING talking to this girl. hatred, anger and self-pity. They want to find a shiny ball of FUN and HAPPINESS. THAT is the core of what I want you to take from this. You need to learn to ENJOY this. Your vibe needs to communicate that you are a HAPPY person. If you aren’t happy, then you need to really focus on why this is. If it’s your job, then you need to take time away from pick up and focus on your career, if it’s your friends, then you need to take time away from pick-up and focus on finding a better peer group. If it’s just the fact that you’re single and you wan’t a girlfriend - then try and start ENJOYING the process of learning how to talk to girls. This alone will improve your success rate dramatically. Figure out a way to make learning pick-up FUN. 3. Body Language When you approach, you need to use your body in a confident way. Look at the way you stand in the mirror and compare it to the way people like tom cruise stand. The best way to improve your posture and the way you move your body is to pick someone you admire, and model the way they use their body. I have modelled various high value people I’ve come across on my little journey, not of them famous, but just high value people with good body language. Look at the way they gesture with their hands. Look at the way they stand. Look at the way they See your vibe as gift-wrapped present that your giving the girl. No girl wants to unwrap it to find a yucky bundle of
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally talk to people. SERIOUSLY do this. Personally I think this is more beneficial than spending money on any pick- up material. also a firm believer that your psychology also follows your physiology. If you move your body in ‘the way a confident person would move it’, I believe you will start to feel more confident. If you slouch and act like a nervous, shy person, I believe you actually start to feel worse. So model body language role models, and start to work on how you use your body. We all know that your physiology follows psychology. When someone is depressed, you can tell by the way they are walking and moving. If someone is joyfull and happy, they have a ‘spring in their step’. But your As a rule I would suggest the following the next time you approach a girl. - Don’t slouch. Make sure you’re standing up fairly straight - I like to feel my pecs against the insides of my clothes, this reminds me that my chest is out and i’m standing up straight. - Son’t shift around. Stand solid, rooted to the ground. Any movement should be as an extended expressional
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally gesture, rather than out of nervousness or discomfort. the smile you need”. So if she’s sprinting at fall speed, you need to be laughing hysterically. hehe (i’m only half joking). - Use your hands to gesture. Make a point of using your hands to express yourself more. Also, if your hands are already out of your pockets, gesturing in the air, you only need to gesture a little further to kino the girl quite naturally as part of a gesture. 5. Eye Contact You’ve all heard the term laser eyes right? Well, when you approach a girl directly on the street, you need to be looking at her directly in the eyes. Don’t shift your eyes away and look behind her, or down or to the side as you talk to her. You need to be laser eying her. Imagine her naked, on your bed. Imagine all the things you could be doing to her in just a day or two. It’s not STARING.... its a soft, yet focused eye contact that lets her know that you and her and the only things that exist in the moment. 4. Smile Ok, this one is a new pick-up technology I have recently invented. I call it smiling. You need to smile when you stop a moving girl! If you don’t smile, the chances are she won’t stop. Who wants to stop and talk to a miserable person? I definitely don’t. You don’t need a cartoon grin, but as a general rule I like to say: “The faster the girl is moving, the bigger
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally Just start talking slowly, and you’ll be amazed how it changes to whole interaction. You’ll actually feel alot calmer and more confident because of this. 6. Voice Tone, Speed & Volume This is one of the biggest sticking points I had to deal with. I have always talked to fast. I don’t know why, but it’s always been a problem of mine. During a one-on- one with Adam Lyons ages ago, the first thing he told me is that I need to slow down how fast I talk, and it’s been something that I’ve been working on ever since. If you can sense that she isn’t interested in THIS MOMENT, i.e, she begins to slowly walk off - DO NOT speed up in order to FINISH what you were saying in the hope that by finishing what you have to say is going to CONVINCE her to stop. Remember, your VALUE is what is going to make her want to talk to you, NOT what you have to say. So if she starts walking off, CARRY ON talking at exactly the same pace as before. When you approach a girl, YOU ARE IN NO RUSH TO SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY. The end of ‘the opener’ isn’t the goal. Getting her to stop isn’t the goal. The goal is to come across as high value. So when you open, just START TALKING, and starting talking slowly. Talking fast communicates that you are the kind of person that expects people to interrupt you at any minute, or that people generally don’t listen to you, so you Smoothly does it big man.
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally have to get what you have to say out fast, before people lost interest. conversation, practice NOT filling it, and EXPECTING her to fill it. People who talk at a leisurely pace, who add pauses into their speech, communicate that they are the kind of people that people LISTEN TO. Regarding voice tone - If you talk, you should feel the vibration of your voice in your lower throat and chest. You’ll notice that as your tone gets higher, the vibrations go up to your mouth, your nose and even further, depending on how high you go. Raising your voice tone is SEEKING RAPPORT. Imagine how you Your goal should be to pronounce your CLEARLY, and confidently, and at a casual, relaxed pace. If there’s a pause in the words
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally walk talk to a gentle granny. You would want to seem as non threatening as possible, so you would raise your voice tone right up to sounds really nice, friendly and agreeable. will communicate extremely high value as you are not seeking rapport. If you say the same thing to a girl, but your raise your voice tone as you say it, it will communicate to the girl that you are WANT HER APPROVAL for your approach. Your saying “I like you - is that ok?”, rather than “I like you, and i don’t give a fuck what you think of that.” (don’t actually say this! haha) When you approach, you want to make a habit of keeping your voice tone down to a chest area. This is very important. Going direct on a girl with a lower voice range
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally The Approach Ok, here’s the juicy bit. How it’s actually done! The girl is moving, so you need to stop her.
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally Jog past her (on either side), and as you do, turning to face her as you pass. Make sure you have eye contact with her, so she can clearly see that your intention is to speak to her. Make sure you EASE into her field of vision so you don’t startle her.
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally Remember to smile!
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally If you look at my hands, you can see they are infront of me, and slightly to the sides, in a kind of ‘PLEASE STOP’ posture. This is a subtle thing that can sometimes make the difference between her stopping, and her walking past. I always do it. promoters don’t stop directly in front of you. You see they all EXPECT you to not want to talk to them. You on the other hand, are a HIGH VALUE MAN. And you are about to make a girls day. So of course she’s going to want to listen to you. So GET RIGHT INFRONT OF HER. BLOCK HER PATH. DO IT YOU PUSSY!!! hahaha A very important thing to point out here, is you HAVE to stop DIRECTLY infront of her. You need to give her room to stop - if you jump in too close, she’s likely to continue straight past you. The faster she’s moving, the more space you need to give her to stop. The reason you need to get directly infront of her, and not a bit to the side, is what it is communicating. Ok, now what you say to her. There are varying degree’s of DIRECT... obviously going up to a girl and telling her you would love to fuck her would have less chance of success that telling a girl she ‘caught you eye’, so I would say it just comes down to personal But I would recommend a spirit of adventure and experimentation. Try these ones out: Charity people don’t get right infront of you. They wouldn’d dare. Homeless people asking for change wouldn’t presume to stop directly infront of you. Club preference.
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally 1) Hey you - I’m just on the way home... but I just saw you. I’d be kicking myself if I didn’t come over and tell you *enter a sincere compliment here*. I’m Yosha. 2) Look at you - you look fucking incredible. I had to meet you. 3) Hey, sorry to bother you... er... I’ve just ran away from my friends... I saw you walk past and I had to meet you. Who the hell are you?! I’d rather you not try and remember too many ‘scripted openers’... the spirit of the opener should be IN THE MOMENT. I’d rather you use these ideas as templates for making your own up. And I want you to be honest with the compliments. Make them unique to the girl. And don’t say “I like your dress. Say YOU look amazing in that dress. See the difference?
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally Now - the TRANSITION. This is very important. So many people deliver their direct opener, then kind of wait for the girls response before they move on. Remember you want to communicate that you don’t want her approval, your just the kind of man that isn’t afraid to go for what he wants in life. You want to deliver your opener, then immediately transition into a conversation. How do you do this? Ok, this is the part of the interaction that is going to mess up the most interactions. This is actually the hard part that takes the most practice. But if you follow my advice, and with enough practice, you should be fine. When you first start doing this, you’ll probably bricking it, worrying about what you’re gonna say after be
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally the opener. So you’ll go in, say the opener, stand there for a few seconds, and they say something like “so what are you up to?”. And that’s fine. Well... it’s not fine. It’s shit. But I mean it’s GOING TO HAPPEN to you. And it’s just because you CAN’T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY. You’ve started this direct game journey, so congrats for having the balls to go up and do it. Now’s where the real learning starts. more relaxed doing it. This is where it can start to get fun. When you are scared of a given result, you using all of your mental capacities to try and find a way to avoid that result. In this case, you’re scanning your mind for that ‘next thing to say’, for fear of that dreaded awkward pause. I like to think of it like that scene in Wallace And Gromit (the one with the evil penguin) where Gromit of on the train, frantically laying down rail- track infront of him so the train doesn’t crash. So in relation to this, you’re afraid your going to reach back and not be able to find a piece of track...... CRAASH!!! The more you approach, the more desensitised your become to approaching a girl and saying something direct. This is the first step; getting rid of your AA. Eventually, really start to enjoy it as the majority of responses will be full of smiles. You’ll make their day, which is cool in-of-itself. you’ll actually The problem is, the mindset, the feeling of having to USE YOUR BRAIN to try and WORK OUT what to say, so the complete opposite thing you need to be doing. Infact, it’s when you do this that As you become less afraid of it, you’ll start to become a bit
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally you’re MOST LIKELY to run out of things to say. Instead, you have to be in the moment. You have to LET GO of everything you’ve ever learnt about pick-up. Just relax. Observe. Take everything in. LISTEN to everything she’s saying. EVERYTHING around you is a potential lead into a conversation, yourself, and this crazy situation you’ve just put the both of you in. including Does she have an accent? Has she got shopping bags? Is she wearing anything that you like? Is she tall? Short? Did she smile when you approached? Does she seem
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally friendly? Does she remind you of anyone? What’s the weather like? Why did you approach her? Are you crazy? Is she crazy? Do you do this all the time? Does she get stopped all the time? Has she always lived in London? Why did she come to London? her know about you - open up to her and she will open up to you. But don’t forget, this was a direct approach. Don’t let her forget that. Throw in the occasional direct comment to keep the interaction spicey. All of that shouldn’t come from your memory, but from THE MOMENT. And the only way to do that, is the be RELAXED and CALM. Your focus needs to be shifted from INWARDS to OUTWARDS. Then #close when you feel like you have had a solid interaction. The longer the interaction, the more chance the number won’t flake. If you can, instant date. Girls never flake after an instant date ;) Notice how close I am to her face. This was a direct approach, so don’t be afraid to invade her personal space a bit. Finally - text her within 10 minutes of leaving her. You want to keep the interaction going continuously, otherwise when you call or text in a few days, the memory of the fun you had together might have faded and you might just be ‘some guy’ again. Now just have a natural conversation with her. Get to know her. If your intention for the conversation is to find out about her, then you will naturally qualify her. Let That’s it - hope this helps guys! Go out and practice
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally it, and let me know how it goes! Oh, before I end it, as a final thought let’s just quickly cover one more small thing which is very relevant to direct game: Rejection I have a second confession for you guys. These photos make me look like a pimp, but that’s just showing you guys when it goes right. ALOT of the time, it just doesn’t hit. The girl has a boyfriend, is in a serious rush to be somewhere or just isn’t interested at all. Some guys who teach this stuff would have you believe that they are perfect, but unfortunately I’m only human. I’m also a bit of a character who isn’t going to ‘fit’ with every girl I meet. When I go out there I’m being MYSELF. I’m not hiding
Yosha how to approach girls on the street, directly & naturally behind any scripted stuff, I’m just putting my personality out there on the line, and I bet there’s some girls out there that just WONT go for that. physically, I mean the one who will totally LOVE you. The one who will totally love everything about you. She’s out there man, and every second you spend sitting at your computer and not out on the street is one less second you could be spending with the girl of your dreams. I’m also a bit goofy. I like to have a laugh, all the time. I hardly ever take anything seriously. Some girls hate this! If I approach one of these girls, you can bet the interaction won’t end up on youtube! I would love to hear of any success stories from anyone - feel free to contact me on email@example.com My point is that getting good at game is the first step. But once you get to a certain level where you start getting some really cool results, it’s just a process of meeting AS MANY GIRLS AS YOU CAN, so you can find the ones that are really right for you. The ones that love the kind of person you are. MASSIVE thanks to Yad who took me under his wing when I first started doing day- game all those months ago. If it wasn’t for him I would never have been able to write this article! Love you dude! All the best, - Yosha Look - somewhere out there on the streets there is your perfect 10. I don’t just mean
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WHAT TO TEXT A GIRL A PRIMER Moe Abbasi: Text Game Decoded PDF EBook Free Download ON THE INSIDE = INTRODUCTION = WHAT SHE’S THINKING = DATING BEFORE TEXTING = WHY TEXTING MAKES IT TOUGH = DEALING WITH FEELINGS = SUBCOMMUNICATION = THE FIVE PHASES OF TEXTING = HOW TO BEAT THE ODDS = A KEY PSYCHOLOGICAL HACK = CONDITIONING HER FEELINGS = GETTING HER ADDICTED = TAP INTO HER PLEASURE CENTER = STIMULATE HER EMOTIONS = BE UNPREDICTABLE = CREATE ANTICIPATION = IF SHE STOPS RESPONDING = NEXT STEPS TEXT GAME DECODED
PAGE 1 WHAT TO TEXT A GIRL - A PRIMER ! ! ! ! ! ! There was a time in my life when I thought that text messaging was worse than chewing on aluminum foil. Therapists live to have patients with the range of terrible emotions that it inflicted upon me. ! Confusion: sitting there, looking down at my phone. “come up with ! something !clever… come on… what should I SAY to her?” ! Self-Loathing: just sent a text, not sure if it’s the right one “did I really ! just send that? stupid stupid stupid.” ! Anxiety: haven’t heard back from her in one hour, twenty two ! minutes, and thirty four seconds. “Oh God. I blew it. should I send ! another text and apologize? wait, my phone just buzzed! Is it her?! ! Ahhh, crap, it’s a free AT&T notification. I hate those guys, getting my ! hopes up like that.” Nothing you haven’t experienced before, right? And heck, if you turn on your phone right now and open up your "contacts"... I'm willing to bet there's at least one girl stored away in there who you're really attracted to. Maybe you even have a straight-up crush on one of the girls saved in your phone...
PAGE 2 WHAT TO TEXT A GIRL - A PRIMER ! ! ! ! ! ! But right now, it's just a number. You've got it tucked away safely in your phone, so what next? Well, for years and years men debated fiercely over the big dating question of the 20th century: "How long should I wait before I call her?" But it's the 21st century now, and a new question is clawing at single men around the world: "WHAT DO I TEXT HER?" As one of New York’s top dating coaches, I’ve talked to more guys in recent years about this very topic than anything else. I’ve also talked to a lot of women about it. And they all know what’s up: Most guys are clueless when it comes to texting. Our screw-ups, awkward texts, and failed attempts are the hot topic of conversation on girls night out. But with this report, and all of the material I’m putting it out on texting, I want to change that. Because it’s not our fault.
PAGE 3 WHAT TO TEXT A GIRL - A PRIMER ! ! ! ! ! ! Sure, there are some artsy poet laureate's out there who “just get it”... but for the rest of us, it’s a struggle. The good news: there are some amazing breakthroughs in psychology that are going to turn the tables in your favor. But before we can get to those, I want to give you a “lay of the land.” Understanding this stuff is your first step towards having an unfair advantage, so pay close attention. WHAT SHE’S THINKING WHEN YOU’RE TEXTING HER You absolutely have to understand this: When she gave you her number, it wasn’t a binding contract to see you again. I can guarantee that she was not thinking “I really hope to have this guy’s babies.”
PAGE 4 WHAT TO TEXT A GIRL - A PRIMER ! ! ! ! ! ! She was experiencing positive emotions with you. When you got her number, her feelings toward you were pretty good. And she thought to herself “I’d like to see this guy again.” Congrats! You made a girl like you. Then she went off to meet her friends, or to class or work. A day or two passed. Her mood changed a hundred different times. And those positive feelings she had towards you began to fade away. But it might be even worse than that. She might be getting texts from an ex she’s not totally over, and five other guys who also have her number. She might have had a date lined up for the night after you met her. Heck, she might not even remember giving you her number. So by the time your first text to her arrives, her feelings about you have changed. She just doesn’t feel as strongly as she did about you in the moment when you got her number. And what is the typical first text message that a guy sends? “Hey”
PAGE 5 WHAT TO TEXT A GIRL - A PRIMER ! ! ! ! ! ! Short and simple. Cool. Yet it does absolutely nothing to get her feeling good about him again. Not surprising that girls think it’s the worst first text of all time. Let’s look at another one: “Hey Jen, it’s John from the bar the other night. Great to meet you! Want to get together on Tuesday?” It’s got a little more personality than “hey.” But again, it doesn’t do anything to change her mood, her emotions, or her feelings towards him. And when it comes to making decisions, people are not logical - especially when it comes to love and dating. A girl’s not sitting there with a spreadsheet, doing an analysis of the different guys she could be dating, so she can decide who she’s going to see on Wednesday night. Nope, decisions like who to text back, who to go out with, who to sleep with, and who she wants as a boyfriend are emotionally-driven decisions. Let’s consider another first text. I have a first text formula, which I used to come up with this one, and I gave it to a client. The night prior, he’d met a
PAGE 6 WHAT TO TEXT A GIRL - A PRIMER ! ! ! ! ! ! girl who was wearing this stunning dress, hit it off with her, and walked away with a great number. His first text read: “ur dress last night = weapon of mass destruction. i trust you put it somewhere that the CIA won’t find it” Good first text? You betcha. It does so many little things right, but the most important thing it does is to make her smile, and giggle. It activates her emotional circuitry. It makes her feel something. A great start. But there’s still a long ways to go. WHAT WAS DATING LIKE BEFORE TEXTING? Let’s recap: when a girl decides she wants to go out with you, it’s a decision that’s driven by her feelings and emotions towards you. So basically, you have the best chance of getting her to say “yes” when she’s feeling really good about you. Let’s take a little journey back in time to see how this worked before text messages.
PAGE 7 WHAT TO TEXT A GIRL - A PRIMER ! ! ! ! ! ! It’s 1984 again. Ronald Reagan just won re-election, theatre-goers can’t stop talking about Ghostbusters, and text messaging is unheard of. Caller ID is still a ways in the future. Even the answering machine hasn’t caught on yet. You called someone, and either they picked up, or you called back. I was only four back then, but I’m told that in such ancient times, there were very few points of contact between when you’d meet a girl, and when you’d go out on a date. You met her and took her number. You talked once or twice on the phone. And then you went out with her. Bada boom, bada bing. So her feelings towards you - and whether she went out with you or not - would depend on only one or two phone calls. A woman would use this time to “screen” a guy out if he acted creepy or nervous, had a terrible phone voice, or otherwise made her feel “bad” on the call. Those one or two phone calls were the only “data points” she could use when deciding if she wanted to see a guy again.
PAGE 8 WHAT TO TEXT A GIRL - A PRIMER ! ! ! ! ! ! I remember calling girls back in college (texting didn’t really catch on until I was in my mid twenties). It was definitely stressful, because you knew you had twenty minutes to rekindle the feelings she had when you met her, and ask her out again. But if you did well on that phone call, it was all good. Ok, fast forward to modern times. On any given day, you get more calls, beeps and notifications on your smart phone than most people got in two weeks back in 1984. In a little bit, we’re going to learn about how this makes for all sorts of interesting psychological “loopholes” that you can use to make girls really, really like you. The science is going to blow you away. But for now, let’s think about how text messaging changes the “dating game” - and not in your favor. WHY TEXTING HAS MADE IT MORE DIFFICULT FOR US GUYS
PAGE 9 WHAT TO TEXT A GIRL - A PRIMER ! ! ! ! ! ! Before text messaging, asking a girl out used to take place over a single, 20-minute phone call. But now it takes place over the course of days, with a bunch of tiny little messages. This is both a blessing and a curse. If you’re great at texting, you can make her like you a lot more than you can with a mere phone call. We’ll get to that in a little bit. But there are also a lot more opportunities to screw it up. You can send a crappy first text, and ruin it from the start. You can text too much, too soon, and make her think you’re needy. You can text too little, too late, and cause her to lose interest or get bored. You can send texts that are weird, misunderstood, or offensive (without meaning it). And you can screw it up at any point. You might do ok for five texts, then send a sixth one that totally kills it. Things might go great all the way through the first date, then get ruined when you’re asking her out on the second date.
PAGE 10 WHAT TO TEXT A GIRL - A PRIMER ! ! ! ! ! ! Heck, I’ve seen clients who screw it up after they’ve had sex with a girl because they were texting the wrong thing. The following critique came from a client - this was the text exchange the day after he slept with a girl for the first time. He tried to be cool and nonchalant, but actually came across like a dick. ============================= 12:35&PM Her: Shit. Can you check your bag/car for my cell charger????? 12:36&PM Her: Just kidding I found itttt 12:46&PM Client: haha ok Ok&this&is&when&it&really&starts&to&go&wrong.&&A<er&sex,&you’ve&GOT&to&make&a& girl&feel&good&about&herself.&&You&HAVE&to&get&this&right.&&Instead,&you&got& back&with&“haha&ok”.&&What&does&that&tell&her?&&That&you&don’t&care&much.&& That&you’ve&had&sex&and&are&now&doing&other&important&things.&&This&was& SUCH&a&great&opportunity&to&get&back&to&her&with&something&sweet&like & Niiiiice... the cell phone charger gods were looking out for you today!!! It’s&so&much&friendlier!&&But&you&didn’t&even&need&to&sent&all&that...&I&mean,& anything&with&a&liXle&more&personality&than&“haha&ok”&would&have&been&beXer&:)
PAGE 11 WHAT TO TEXT A GIRL - A PRIMER ! ! ! ! ! ! 1:16&PM Her: Thanks again for inviting me. Your so sweet I had a wonderful time! 2:58&PM Well you’re always good company haha Ok,&this&is&where&it&really&goes&wrong.&&I&know&you&were&trying&to&sound& nonchalant,&but&it&just&came&across&as&insensi\ve.&&I’ve&told&you&once&already,&but& it&bears&men\oning&again:&a<er&a&woman&has&given&herself&to&you,&make&her&feel& GOOD&about&it.&&So&I&would&have&called&her&5^30&minutes&later&and&had&a&nice&liXle& talk&^&about&how&you&loved&spending&\me&with&her,&and&how&sexy&she&was.&&Ask& her&what&she’s&up&to&for&the&rest&of&the&day.&&Then&say&something&like&“well,& something&tells&me&I’ll&catch&you&very&soon&on&text”.&&That’s&always&an&easy&way& back&to&tex\ng,&and&asking&her&out&again. ============================= In the previous example, the girl got really turned off and didn’t want to see my client anymore - she thought he was a jerk. He didn’t mean to be... he just didn’t know how to text her the right thing. Just one example (of many) of how easy it is to screw things up.
PAGE 12 WHAT TO TEXT A GIRL - A PRIMER ! ! ! ! ! ! Worst of all, if you’ve got her number, there’s a good chance that a few other guys do too... so her inbox is a literal battleground of guys vying for her attention. Every message you send is another entry in a competition for her time and her interest. So that sucks. But we’re not out of the woods just yet. DEALING WITH HER FEELINGS Remember - women make the decision about whether or not to see you again based on emotion, not logic. Based on how they feel about you. Along those lines, here’s another important thing you need to understand: Feelings are “transmitted” across a number of “channels.” Your eyes, your facial expression, your body language, your vocal tonality, and yes, the words you speak. So the best chance you have of making someone feel good about you is to use all of your channels well. Good eye contact. Nice smooth vocal tonality. Solid conversation and flirtation. Great nonverbals.
PAGE 13 WHAT TO TEXT A GIRL - A PRIMER ! ! ! ! ! ! The fewer channels you have to work with, the harder it is to influence someone’s feelings. Live, in-person is better than a video call. A video call is better than a phone call. A phone call is better than texting. Given how “narrow” of a channel texting is, you’re already at a disadvantage. So why not just proclaim “I don’t do texting” and just call her? Well, put yourself in a girl’s shoes for a second. She’s given her number out to a few guys. The right move for her is to sit back and let them “duke it out” for her interest. She can let the messages roll in, take her time to respond to them, and see who she’s liking the most. Girls say they like it when a guy calls them, but in my experience, it’s almost never in your best interest. Especially with girls under 30. They rarely pick up, so all it really does is brand you in a girl’s mind as “that guy who really likes me because he called me.” The one caveat - every now and then you need to do it when you’re coordinating times for something - a movie, for example. But in general, if someone is telling you that you should call a girl instead of texting her, you can pretty much ignore them. It strips you of your power and value.
PAGE 14 WHAT TO TEXT A GIRL - A PRIMER ! ! ! ! ! ! And make no mistake - most guys just don’t have the power when they’re trying to get a girl to go out with them. It’s just how the dating game is played. A girl’s text message inbox is one of the most efficient “guy screening” tools ever invented. So woe be upon you if - with this very narrow communication channel - you can’t make her feel good about you. Not only do you have to avoid making any dumb mistakes or turning her off, but you also have to amplify her emotions towards you with every additional text you send. Rather than making her feel good on one phone call, you’ve got to make her feel better and better about you over the course of five, ten or twenty text messages. And it never really ends, does it? Until you’re in a proper relationship with her, you have to keep “getting it right” with texting. You really need to get good at this stuff, because text messaging is the bridge between every time that you see her.
PAGE 15 WHAT TO TEXT A GIRL - A PRIMER ! ! ! ! ! ! It’s become an integral part of the dating game. High stakes. If you’ve ever felt like texting was unfair, annoying, or frustrating, you probably now have a better understanding of why it feels that way. It’s literally a different form of communication than anything else out there. Comparing texting to real conversation is like comparing English to French. To carry the metaphor further: if you visited France but only spoke English, it’d be pretty darn tough to connect with all of the beautiful women you’d meet there. So let’s look at the “language” of texting. SUBCOMMUNICATION AND THE LANGUAGE OF TEXTING When you text a guy friend, think about what’s going on.
PAGE 16 WHAT TO TEXT A GIRL - A PRIMER ! ! ! ! ! ! You’re probably already his buddy. You’re not worried about him “having other options” or “losing interest” if things don’t go right. And importantly, you’re not trying to get into his pants or get him out on a date. Rigggggght? Think of a text conversation you had with one of your guy friends recently. Chances are it wasn't emotional, or flirty, or sexy... I mean, I hope it wasn’t. And if your buddy texts or calls you up just to “say hi” or “chat” about whatever, chances are you’d wonder what drug he was on. I might even give my friend an emoji slap if he pulled something like that with me. It’s like “dude, we’ll talk when we hang out.” The dynamics of texting your buddy just aren’t that complicated. It’s information exchange, pure and simple. But the dynamics of texting a girl involve two things: 1.) the specific words you choose to send her 2.) your subcommunication
PAGE 17 WHAT TO TEXT A GIRL - A PRIMER ! ! ! ! ! ! We’ll get to the specific words in a little bit. For now, let’s look at subcommunication, because SO many guys mess this stuff up. Here’s the deal: When you text her, a girl is gathering so much more information than the specific words you’re pecking out. For example, she’s paying attention to stuff like... ! the time between messages: if you’re super quick to respond when ! you’re getting to know her, it’s going to subcommunicate that you’re ! needy. ! whether or not you use emoticons: if you make occasional smilies ! and winky faces, it’s going to subcommunicate your positive and ! playful emotions. ! how enthusiastic, or “cool” you are to her: if you’re too cool at the ! wrong time (like in the post-sex example above) it could ! subcommunicate that you don’t care or are a jerk. ! your use of proper spelling and grammar: if you write your texts ! like you’d write a term paper, it’s going to subcommunicate that you ! are uptight and nervous.