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Navigating Relationship Breakups: Baxter's 6 Steps Guide

Explore the intricate stages of breaking up a relationship according to Baxter's research. Learn about effective communication approaches, partner reactions, ambivalence, and repair scenarios. Discover the nuances in bilateral decisions and the importance of direct versus indirect approaches in the farewell process.

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Navigating Relationship Breakups: Baxter's 6 Steps Guide

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  1. BAXTER’S STEPS INBREAKING UP • Step 1: Onset of Problem • More often incremental, sometimes critical incident • Step 2: Decision to exit • 68% are unilateral (non-reciprocal) • 32% are bilateral

  2. Step 3: Direct or indirect Communication about intent to partner • 76% indirect: withdrawal, decreased intimacy, decreased contact • cost escalation: increase costs of relationship to other - become a pain • 24% direct: • Fait Accompli (73%) - “It’s over!” • State of the Relationship talk (27%) discussion leads to exit

  3. Step 4: Reaction of partner (do they accept the bid?) • 22% chance accept indirect bids • 66% chance accept direct bids • Only 35% overall acceptance of bids • Fiat Accompli, 83% chance of acceptance • Tend to offer counter bids • 1) reward-oriented resistance, “I promise to do what you like” • 2) cost-oriented resistance, “I’ll get you for this, tell friends you are a &*(%$)”

  4. Step 5: Ambivalence and repair scenarios • Does the disengager change their mind? • If not, cycle through again, bids tend to be indirect (75%) • Only 8 of 63 unilateral decisions to exit had a change of heart

  5. For Bilateral decisions: • Step 6: How direct should we be? • Indirect • Fading away - implicit understanding it over (83%) • Pseudo de-escalation - mutual deception while both maintain pretense of continuation • Direct • Attibutional conflict - captures why exit is necessary • Negotiated farewell - free of hostility

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