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How to gain information. Objectives: Positions vs. Interests Needs/motives determine behaviors. Without information, without communication; without communication, without negotiation; Perception as a sense-making process to the environmental stimuli.
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How to gain information Objectives: Positions vs. Interests Needs/motives determine behaviors. Without information, without communication; without communication, without negotiation; Perception as a sense-making process to the environmental stimuli. How to gain information? 1) asking questions; 2) listening; observing for signals How to improve your behaviors and performance in negotiations?
Perception & assumption attention recognition translation stimulus Behavior Perception is the process by which individuals “tune in” to their environment. People as perceptual stimuli are more complex than simple sights, sounds, or colors. People differ in physical characteristics (e.g. height, weight, age, sex, race, dress, speech patterns) and emotional expressiveness (facial gestures, body posture, hand movements, tone of voice). Perceptual distortion: stereotyping (attributes assigned to people solely on the basis of their membership, or “in-group/out-group mentality”) halo effects (one attribute of an individual assigned to its group membership as a basis for classification) selective perceptions (quick judgment on limited information) projections (out of a need to protect our own self-concept) perceptual defenses (out of the instinct for self-preservation) perception
The communication package The communication package Albert Mehrabian, a contemporary writer on nonverbal communication, has determined from his research that as much as 93% of communication is nonverbal. (Albert Mehrabian, Silent Messages: Implicit Communication of Emotions and Attitudes, 2nd ed. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth, 1981, pp. 76-77) Verbal vocal Visual tactile olfactory hearing, sight, touch, smell, taste
The role of language In negotiations, language operates at two levels: the “logical” level and the “pragmatic” level. It is not only what is said that matters, but how it is said, and what additional, veiled, or subsurface information is intended, conveyed, or perceived in reception. Chances for miscommunication abound.
Inquiring 1 The use of questions asatechnique for clarifying communications and eliminating noise and distortion. 2 Questions are essential elements in negotiations for securing information. Asking good questions enables a negotiator to secure a great deal of information about the opponent’s position, supporting arguments, and needs. Manageable questions cause attention, get information, and start thinking; unmanageable questions or questions that cause difficulty, give information, and bring the discussion to a false conclusion.
Nonverbal behavior “Actions speak louder than words.” “You’re a bad liar.” “A picture is worth a thousand words.” “Behavior is action--- communication is the generation of meaning.” Ex. Have one member of the class stand in front of the group without speaking for one minute, and ask the person to try not to communicate. Ask the rest of the class to observe during this time and to write down any messages they get from the person. What messages did you get? Was the person able to not communicate? In interview situations, we try to communicate competence and confidence, We do this through our mode of dress, our grooming, posture, rate of speech, gesture, and facial expressions, to name a few nonverbal modes.
The nonverbal behavoir Nonverbal behavior Cognitive map Nonverbal skills characteristics Nonverbal communication Functions Sensitivity Receptivity Nonverbal repertoire Acccurate comprehension Paralinguistics Kinesics Proxemics Haptics Physical characteristics Sending clear messages
paralinguistics Paralinguistics or paralanguage: “with language”, “accompanying speech” = how you are saying it. 1. a bridge between nonlinguistics and “verbal” linguistics (e.g. grammar, vocabulary, pronunciation) 2. the “greasy” parts of speech: hesitations, vocalizations, laughing, crying, sighing, uh-huh, shh, pitch, articulation, rhythm, resonance, tempo, volume, yelling, whispering, moaning, whining, belching, yawning, snorts, sniffs
Eye say, eye say, eye say, Let’s throw linguistics away. Just look into these eyes, Observe the pupil size, They’ll tell you when to fight and when to play Pupils generate the heat Hearts begin to miss a beat Interactions start to thrive And people really come alive When pairs of pupils in vibrant silence meet. Cast aside the MPI For extroverts can surely lie Adopt the seeker’s role Into the window of the soul Behold the wonders of the telltale eye Nonverbal communication(Power to the pupil)
We have two ears and only one tongue in order that we may hear more than speak less. (Diogenes, 320 B.C.) • "When the eyes say one thing and the tongue another, a practised one relies on the language of the first." (Hindustani Proverb) • The strategy and the planning of the negotiation (90% of the iceberg submerged beneath the water); the tip of the iceberg is the negotiation itself. • 75% of this tip involves active listening and 25% communicating ideas, proposals, suggestions, alternatives and what you want from the negotiation. • Tao Te Jing: Those who know do not speak, those who speak do not know. • From listening comes wisdom, and from speaking repentance. • True listening, total concentration on the other, is always a manifestation of love. (Scott Peck, 1978) • Listening in a conversation is as important as talking. • Implications? listening
Three forms of listening passive listening: a mere reception of the message, without feedback to the sender about the accuracy or completeness of reception. acknowledgement: When acknowledging, the receiver occasionally nods her head, maintains eye contact, or interjects responses like “I see,”, “mm-hmm,” “interesting,” “really,” “sure,” “go on,” and the like. active listening (successful reflective responding) : When the receiver is actively listening, he restates or paraphrases the sender’s message in his own language, e.g. “I don’t know how I am going to untangle this messy problem.” (You’re really stumped on how to solve this one.) “Please, don’t ask me about that now.” (Sounds like you’re awfully busy right now.) “I thought the meeting today accomplished nothing.” (You were very disappointed with our session.)
Active listening • the music behind the notes. • Listening well means being able to understand the full import of what is being said and to obtain the whole picture, so that it is posssible to respond with the fullest amount of information at hand. It requires of the listener a mental, emotional and physical commitment to understand what the other person is saying. This means not simply looking at the person whilst they are speaking, and conveying an interest, but also understanding what they are saying, from their point of view rather than your own. • Characteristics: 1) a greater emphasis on listening than on talking. 2) responding to personal rather than abstract points (personal feelings, beliefs, and positions rather than abstract ideas). 3) following the other rather than leading him into areas we think we should be exploring (exploring his frame of reference rather than forcing ours upon him, at least until we fully understand his position). 4) clarifying what the other has said about his own thoughts and feelings rather than close questioning or telling him what we believe he should be thinking or feeling. 5) responding to the other’s feelings in his communication.
Helicoptering "I have heard this all before and I know what he or she is going to be saying next so I shall switch off." • Levels of Listening • 1.Head level. Intellectual level: a relatively straightforward interaction of communication between two people. • 2.Feelings level. Our feelings can help or get in the way. • Helicoptering: involves the ability to maintain all the elements of active listening that have been mentioned, as well as mentally having almost a third eye which is hovering above the conversation, the meeting or the telephone conversation and observing the negotiation as it develops. Helicoptering resembles a video camera watching the whole process. Your "third eye" is the camera. Imagine what it would be recording if it were plugged on the wall watching the interaction. • Seeing the whole Helicoptering is the part that distinguishes hearing from real or active listening, for it demands that you maintain contact with the other person, respond and initiate, whilst at the same time being able to beam up and view the conversation as a whole.
