Grief Care

1. Grief Care

2. Objectives • To understand what the person in grief is going through. - 3 stages of grief • Role play: how to care the person in grief • “Do” and “Don’t” in grief care

3. 3 Stages of Grief

4. Recoil Shock Rebuild - Letting Go of One’s Grief - Building a New Life • Expressing Intense Feelings • (groan, uncontrollable sob, inability to concentrate, forgetful, distracted) • Trying to make sense of the tragedy • (guilt, anger, faith crisis) • Resignation • (isolated, loneliness, depression) - Disbelieve or Denial - Expressing Intense Feelings

5. “Do” and “Don’t” in Grief Care

6. To “Do” • Be available, Build a safe house - make contact at routine basis, • Pray for CR and CG • Listen (Active, Reflective Listening) • Encourage emotional expression, - Accept the feelings and actions of the CR - allow for tears, - Be patient if the stories are repeated and repeated - Touch and hug to communicate warmth and caring • Touch and hug to communicate warmth and caring • Do some physical activities with the CR, • Let CR make decision and help CR avoid rush decision • Offer distinctively Christian resources, mobilize support if needed. • Balance care giving and boundary • Encourage CR to do Grief coping activities

7. Grief Coping Activities • Crying, talking, sharing • Prayer and meditating on Scripture • Attending a support group • Staying busy, working, balanced with rest and relaxation • Journaling • Listening to music (hymns, praise and worship) • Reading • Exercising regularly • Taking a vacation • Spending time with family and friends • Calling a friend and going out for a meal • Creating a memory book • Gardening • Attending a Bible study

8. Not to “Do” • Do not judge or tell CR what to fell. • Do not give CR self-help books right away. • Do not drop in unannounced. • Do not try to give advice unless asked. • Do not preach. • Do not try to heal the wound.

9. To “Say” • Pray and pray • Offer comfort - “I am here for you “ - “You must be devastating. I can not imagine what you are going through.” • Share stories and memories of the one they lost, - CR needs to hear his/her loved one is remembered. • Express your own grief • Non-judgmental, don’t challenge the denial • Offer specific help - Don’t say “ If you need help. Please let me know”. Instead saying “May I come and help you (specific job) • Guard against platitude

10. Not to “Say”(These are platitudes.) • “I understand exactly how you feel” • “At least he/she is not suffering any more” • “Time will heal” • “He/She’s young. He/Shecan (marry again, or have more children)” • “Everybody will die, sooner or later” • “Everything will be all right” • “The first year is the hardest” • “Only the good die young” • “It is time to get on with your life” • “Every cloud has a silver lining”

11. Not to “Say” • “He/She is in a better place” • “God has taken him/her home” • “God doesn’t give any more than you can bear” • “God doesn’t make mistake” • “God only takes the good” • “This is God’s will” • “Even when we don’t understand it, we shouldn’t question God’s will” (note: What willthe consequence be if CG says these statements? What should CG say if CR says these statements?)