The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens • Habit 1: Be Proactive • Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind • Habit 3: Put First Things First

HABITS 4 and 5 Habit 4: Think Win-Win Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

Start thinking Win-Win!! • Play to win instead of playing not to lose.

Thinking Win-Win • An attitude towards life • A mental frame of mind that says: I can win and so can you • Begins with a belief that we are all equal; no one is superior or inferior to anyone else.

Win-Lose Thinking - The Totem Pole • An attitude toward life that says the pie of success is only so big so I”m going to get my slice first or grab a bigger piece than you • Very competitive • Totem Pole Syndrome - As long as I’m a notch higher than you I don’t care about anything else

Win-Lose • Some negative behaviors with a win-lose attitude: • •Using other people, emotionally or physically, for your own selfish purposes • • Trying to get ahead at the expense of another • • Spreading rumors about someone else • • Always insisting on getting your way without concerning yourself with the feelings of others • • Becoming jealous and envious when something good happens to someone close to you

Lose-Win Thinking = The Doormat • Thinking this way says to others “wipe your feet on me, everyone else does.” • Easier to let others have their way than to try to share your feelings • You’ll find yourself setting low expectations and compromising your standards again and again

Lose-Win • Giving in to peer pressure is LOSE-WIN!!! • Be sure to take a stand on the important things

Lose-Lose - THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL • “If I’m going down, then you’re going down with me.” • “I don’t care what happens to me as long as you fail.” • Lose-Lose usually happens when two win-lose people get together

Win-Win - THE ALL YOU CAN EAT BUFFET • You care about other people and you want them to succeed • You care about yourself and you want to succeed as well • THERE’S PLENTY OF SUCCESS TO GO AROUND

HOW TO THINK WIN-WIN • Find security within yourself • Avoid competing and comparing yourself to others • Go for a win-win or just decide not to play • The true test of whether you are thinking win-win...How you feel. Thinking Win-Win fills you with positive feelings and gives you confidence

Seek First to Understand The deepest need of the human heart is to be understood. You can show people you care by simply taking time to listen without judging and without giving advice. In order to improve our success with others and to reach a Win/Win situation (Habit 4), we need to understand the other person first. HABIT 5…

Positive Listening… • We need to change the way we interact with people by changing the way that we listen to them. • We need need to be non-judgmental and to not make our assumptions.

Many of us don’t know how to listen…

Five Poor Listening Styles IGNORING/SPACING OUT – when someone is talking to us but we ignore them because our mind is wandering. The "La La La, I can't hear you" fingers in the ears school of listening PRETEND LISTENING – We still aren’t paying much attention, but we pretend by nodding or making generic statements like “yeah” or “sounds good”.

Poor listening styles… • SELECTIVE LISTENING – We only pay attention to the part that interests us. • WORD LISTENING – WE actually pay attention, but we only hear the words and fail to watch the body language, the feelings or true meaning behind the words. • SELF-CENTERED LISTENING – We see everything from our point of view instead of standing in one’s another’s shoes (You think your day was bad….)

So what’s the big deal? Judging When we listen from our point of view, we usually reply in one of three ways that makes others close up. Probing Advising

Genuine Listening • Listen with your eyes, heart and ears. • Only 7% of communication is contained in the words we use. • The rest comes from body language and how we say words or the tone or feeling reflected in our voice.

Steps to Better Listening • First, listen with your eyes, heart, and ears. – listening with your ears isn’t good enough. • Only 7 percent of communication comes from the words we use. The rest comes from body language (53%) and the tone and feeling reflected in our voice (40%). • To hear what other people are really saying, you need to listen to what they are not saying.

PRACTICE MIRRORING REFLECT MIRRORING PHRASES “So, as I see it…..” “I can see that you’re feeling….” “So, what you’re saying is ….” Repeat back to the person what they just said. It is not mimicking. Put it in your own words. This lets the person know you understand what they are saying without judging or giving advice.

Walk in Their Shoes • Work to understand the other point of view. • Effective listening is not simply echoing what the other person has said through the lens of one's own experience. • Rather, it is putting oneself in the perspective of the other person, listening empathically for both feeling and meaning.

When we listen with the intent to understand others, rather than with the intent to reply, we begin true communication and relationship building. Seeking to understand takes kindness; seeking to be understood takes courage. Effectiveness lies in balancing the two.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens