Readjustment on coming home

1. Readjustment on coming home

2. Re-entry • Re-entry has been studied for over 50 years. Early writers of re-entry after living overseas saw it as a set of problems or challenges that returnees suffered. For example, linguistic barriers or the inability to find a new job you can use your new skills. • However, in the last 30 years, it has become more common to think of re-entry as a positive challenge or an opportunity for growth and self-discovery rather than as a set of problems. • It is common to experience the transition as positive and negative. For example, one minute feeling excited to be home and proud to share what you have learned, and the next bored or frustrated and feeling out of sync to those people who have always been closest to you.

3. Readjusting to home • The physical act of coming home for an individual who has made deep friendships abroad and participated fully in the community is much harder than a volunteer whose overseas stay was less intense or more isolated. • The irony is that great success in adaptation overseas may be followed by a much lengthier and rocky period of readjustment at home.

4. Reverse Culture ShockWhy it happens? • It is largely unexpected Few people prepare for the return home because it is expected to be easy and are surprised when its not. • The memory of home differs from reality When you are abroad, images of home life can be idealised or romanticised. It is easy to minimise the problems or issues that once were sources of stress in your everyday life. Re-encountering them can be disconcerting. • Change has occurred to everyone You, the people around you and your culture has changed. Sometimes it is obvious and immediately observable, sometimes it is “hidden” and only comes out under certain circumstances, these are usually unpredictable and therefore unsettling.

5. “Re-entry is much more difficult than people anticipate. Many people feel that they can no longer relate to their old life, but people should be warned not to get a condescending attitude toward their old life.” - EH “I found that I had the hardest time dealing with being home when I was bored. Being occupied, whether it be at school or at work or just hanging out with friends you have not seen in awhile will help with the re-entry process” - TB

6. RE-ENTRY “WORM” Balanced Re-adaption: integrating the experience abroad with living at home or finding other ways to cope with re-entry Initial excitement: enjoy being at home Judgemental Stage: Nothing at home seems good, finding fault Realisation stage: Noticing significant changes at home and in oneself REVERSE CULTURE SHOCK Frustration

7. Re-entry Progression Just as initial culture shock has definable stages and a predictive progression, so does reverse culture shock. • The “Honeymoon” phase of initial euphoria or relief at being home is present. • Followed by some degree of irritation and alienation. • With an eventual readjustment.

8. Reverse Culture Shock Arrival Reintegration Adaptation Return Home Sense Of Satisfaction Recovery Recovery Culture Shock ReverseCulture Shock While abroad At home

9. 10 Immediate Re-entry Challenges • BOREDOM • After the novelty and stimulation of time abroad, returning to you family, friends and old routines (however comforting) can seem dull. It is natural to miss the excitement and challenges which characterise volunteering in a foreign country. • 2. “NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR” • It is common that no one is as interested in hearing about your adventures and experiences as you are about sharing them. This should not be viewed as a rejection of your achievements because once they have heard the highlights further interest is less likely.

10. YOU CAN’T EXPLAIN • It is likely to be frustrating trying to explain all the sights you saw and feelings you had while abroad, as it is difficult to convey this kind of experience to those who do not have similar frames of reference or travel backgrounds, no matter how interested or good they are as listeners. • REVERSE “HOMESICKNESS” • Just as you missed home when you first arrived overseas, it is natural to experience some reversed homesickness for the people, places and things you grew accustomed to while living overseas. • This can be reduced by keeping in contact, for example by writing letters, but feelings of loss should be anticipated and accepted as a part of moving back home from overseas.

11. 5. RELATIONSHIPS HAVE CHANGED • It is inevitable that when you return you will notice some relationships with family and friends will have changed. Just as you have altered some of your ideas and attitudes while abroad, they are likely to have experienced some positive or negative changes. • It is unrealistic to expect no change, however the best preparation is flexibility, openness, minimal preconceptions and tempered optimism. • It is helpful to realise that however keen some of your friends back home are to listen to your stories, sometimes they just wont “get it.” • Some of your experiences may need to be internalised, processed and integrated into your own life in ways that make sense for you, without being able to fully share them with anyone else. • Other volunteers who live near you at home can relate to much of what you experienced abroad and therefore can be an invaluable source of support when you are feeling down, seek them out and share your feelings.

12. PEOPLE SEE “WRONG” CHANGES • Sometimes people may concentrate on the small alterations in your behaviour or ideas and seem upset or threatened by them. • Or they may ascribe “bad” traits to the influence of your time overseas. • These incidents might be motivated by jealously, fear, or feelings of superiority or inferiority. • To minimise these, monitor yourself and be aware of the reactions of those around you, especially in the first few weeks following your return. This phase normally passes quickly if you do nothing to confirm their stereotypes.

13. 7. PEOPLE MISUNDERSTAND • A few people will interpret you words or actions in such a way that makes communication difficult. • E.g. what you may have come to think of as humour (particularly sarcasm, banter, etc.) and ways to show affection or establish conversation may not be seen as wit, but with aggression or “showing off.” • Also, a silence that was seen as simply polite overseas might be interpreted at home incorrectly, as signalling agreement or opposition. New clothing styles or mannerisms may be viewed as provocative, inappropriate, or as an affectation. • Continually using references to foreign places or sprinkling foreign language expressions or words into an English conversation is often considered boasting. • Be aware of how you may look to others and how your behaviour is likely to be interpreted.

14. 8. FEELINGS OF ALIENATION • Sometimes the reality of being at “home” is not as natural or comfortable as the place you had constructed as your mental image. When daily life is less enjoyable or more demanding than you remembered, it is natural to feel some alienation. • Many returnees develop “critical eyes”, a tendency to see faults in the society you never noticed before. Some even become quite critical of everyone and everything for a time. This is no different to when you first left home. Mental comparisons are fine, but keep them to yourself until you regain both your cultural balance and a balanced perspective.

15. 9. INABILITY TO APPLY NEW KNOWLEDGE AND SKILLS • Many returnees are frustrated by the lack of opportunity to apply newly gained social, technical, linguistic and practical coping skills that appear to be unnecessary or irrelevant at home. • To avoid ongoing annoyance: adjust to reality as necessary, change what is possible, be creative, be patient and above all use the cross-cultural adjustment skills you acquired abroad to assist you own re-entry.

16. 10. LOSS/COMPARTMENTALISATION OF EXPERIENCE (“SHOEBOXING”) • Being home, coupled with the pressure of job, family and friends often combine to make returnees worried that somehow they will “lose” the experience. Many fear that it will somehow become compartmentalised like souvenirs or photo albums kept in a box and only occasionally taken out and looked at. • You do not have to let that happen: maintain your contacts abroad, seek out and talk to people who have experiences similar to yours, practice you cross-cultural skills, continue language learning. Remember and honour both the hard work and fun you had while abroad.

17. Consider… • The 5 things that have bothered you most about being home. • The 5 things that you have enjoyed most about being home. • The 5 international things (people, places, situations. Etc.) you miss the least since you have returned home. • The 5 things (people, places, activities, etc.) you miss the most from abroad since you have returned home.

18. Your Roots • Some people feel “rootless” when they come home, they no longer feel as attached to their home culture as they once were but also don’t feel completely connected to a country where they haven’t grown up. • People who spend a long time living in one place are “vertically rooted.” When you go abroad, when you deliberately “uproot” yourself to go abroad you would lose a lot of familiar reference points and distance yourself from familiar support networks. • In your host country you overcame challenges and learnt to adapt to a new way of life, you met people from different backgrounds forming new relationships that acted as your support network.

19. More on your roots… • People who have lived in more than one place are “horizontally rooted,” people who have experienced adapting to different ways of living develop skills that can enable them to adjust in other environments with increasing ease. • It is common for people after returning home to have a confused sense of self and conflicting loyalties about how they fit into their home culture. Some of the functions that the vertical roots served for so long were replaced by you horizontal roots while you were away. • Where are you going to plant your roots now? Are you the same person you were before you went abroad? Do you friends and family think so? It is very likely that you have changes and it is necessary to think about these changes in order to come to terms with the “new” you.

20. Processing you experiences “UNPACKING” How can you tackle the challenge of sorting through your recent experiences, sharing your thoughts and feelings with the people important to you, and blending the key parts of life at home and life abroad to reflect the person you want to be? Communicate the wonder of your experiences to those close to you Few people have the patience and boundless enthusiasm to listen to every anecdote and look at every photo. To deal with this: try to distil the experience, think about moments that stood out for you to help them enjoy listening to the highlights: E.g. What made you laugh out loud? What brought you to tears? Your greatest personal insight Your biggest cultural mistake Your biggest cultural success Be careful, nothing turns off even a keen listener faster than hearing about how superior your new country or culture is to your home country.

21. You may need time to process your experiences and to readjust to life at home. If you have only been overseas for a few weeks, you are likely to find it easier to readjust. However, longer term working in a rural community, deprived shanty town or disaster zone or on sensitive human rights issues might need more time to readjust. For some getting stuck into a job immediately is an effective way to achieve this. For others, it might be best to talk things through.

22. Say No to “Shoeboxing”! • One regrettable result of resuming everyday life after returning home is the tendency to “shoe box” the international experience. • One meaning of this is to literally put mementos (letters, ticket stubs, photos, brochures etc) in a box and put it away to be taken out and looked at when you feels you need to reconnect with or relive your experience. • The other meaning is to mentally compartmentalise the experience as a completely or largely separate from you life back at home.

23. Tips for coming home… • Focus on how you are better now from the experiences you had. • Don’t get isolated. • Read a lot about everything. It will get you brain working. • Stay spontaneous. • Rekindle your spirit of adventure. Explore home. • Go out of your way to make new friends, just as you did abroad. • Don’t let failures in your home culture be any less a learning experience than they would have been while you were abroad. • Continue to reflect on what you learned abroad, allow yourself time.

24. More tips for coming home… • Don’t dwell on the past. • Exercise. Endorphins kills re-entry sadness. • Look for the good in the present situation. • Write down what you thought was great about the UK while you were abroad. • Keep your memories alive – don’t store them away in a shoe box. It wasn’t a dream and it was important. • Accept that you have changed and that things are not going to be the same as when you left and that’s a good thing.

25. More Tips… • Don’t be upset if people seem indifferent to your experience. • Recognise that things at home have changed while you were away and respect those changes. No one’s life went on hold just because you were gone and their experiences are important to them. • You will need to “rebuild” relationships, not merely “resume” them. • Talk with others who have come back from abroad and share you experiences, frustration and joys. These are the people who can help you though it. • Reverse judgements – try to resist making snap decisions and judgements about people’s behaviours when back at home. Most returnees report gaining major insights into themselves and their home country during re-entry, but only after allowing a sufficient time for reflection and self-analysis.

26. Coming Home “In a sense, it is coming back, the return, which gives meaning to the going forth. We really don’t know where we’ve been until we come back to where we were – only where we were may not be as it was because of who we’ve become, which after all, is why we left.” • Bernard from “Northern Exposure”, upon returning from Africa

27. Bringing it Home As part of the small percentage of the world’s citizens who have had the opportunity to live on another culture’s terms, you have probably found that the experience awakened your senses and led you to new understandings and personal growth. Coming home might feel like a let down after all that excitement. But it is also an opportunity to put your new skills to use. The challenge now is to take both your new knowledge and you exploration skills and integrate them permanently into you life ahead. It might sound like a daunting task, but supported by you horizontal roots, the new you is destined to thrive.