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Issue 1:

Issue 1:. Passive voice was used too often. >: / Ex: “…an element of Poe’s history can be detected …”. Issue 2:. Ca n’ t use contractions in your formal essays. Not unless professor/teacher does n’t mind. “The speaker is n’t awake…”. Issue 3:.

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Issue 1:

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  1. Issue 1: • Passive voice was used too often. >: / • Ex: “…an element of Poe’s history can be detected…”

  2. Issue 2: • Can’t use contractions in your formal essays. Not unless professor/teacher doesn’t mind. • “The speaker isn’t awake…”

  3. Issue 3: • You were using second person. (What up???) • “In the raven, you can sense the mood is dreary and forlorn.” • “Today, you can see the form of spirituals in all types of music genres.”

  4. Issue 4: • Weak verb choice (simply sucks the energy right out of your paper). • Often, you used a weak verb with a phrase, when ONE yummy verb could do the job for you… (paramedic method) • Ex: “Goes(ick)along with” hmmm….

  5. Issue 5: • Using “I” in the paper. “I believe…I think…I assume…I argue…” • In the inimitable words of Remy: • “No, no, no, no, no!”

  6. Issue 6: • MLA formatting : • Only a slight issue for a few. Mostly, forgot to add the header: • Last name page # • Heading: • Your name • Teacher Name • Class Name • Date—inverted with no punctuation • (ex: 13 April 2014)

  7. Issue 7 (cont.): • MLA formatting : • Parenthetical citations: • “Blah, blah, blah” (line 4). • After that: • “Blah, blah, blah/blah, blah/blah” (5-7).

  8. Issue 8: • Did not employ/deploy the paramedic method.  I wanted to clean your sentences for you (like a gorilla picking parasites off its young) • Most sentences were in need of the writer to exercise the removal of unnecessary wording due to the fact that the result of the unnecessary wording left the reader tired of reading the wordy sentence. (35) • Most sentences required the student to eliminate their wordiness because it tired the reader (14).

  9. Issue 9: • LOTS of missed opportunities to use phrases (and now clauses) to: • enhance your sentences • provide lead-ins to your quotes • blend commentary with your quotes • Eradicate “be” verbs (am, is, are, was, were, being, been) • combine two/three/four weak sentences. • See how the above list is set up? That reminds me……

  10. Issue 10: • SOME missed opportunities to use parallel structure. • (I say some because many of you nailed it. Go, you!) • Spiritual songs not only expressed the horrid situation of slavery, but also coded escape routes to the north.

  11. Issue 11: • What’s up with all of the “be” verbs? (Again, a phrase/clause situation)—go with the 80%/20% rule: 80% GOOD action verbs; 20% linking verbs. • Escaping to the north was the only way slaves could be free, and “Follow the Drinking Gourd” was a song that told slaves how to escape to the north. • “Follow the Drinking Gourd,” a slave spiritual that buried within its text a secret route to the north, helped slaves to escape, their only solution to secure their freedom.

  12. Issue 12: • Some of your ideas were redundant… • Some spirituals helped slaves to sing about their misery. “Go Down Moses,” is a song about the misery of this. • Better: “Go Down Moses,” a spiritual referring to the misery of the slave condition, draws a parallel to the slaves of the south and the Israelites in Egypt • Which reminds me….

  13. Issue 13: • Name your “this” (still vague wording in your essays)

  14. Issue 14: • Somewhere in your intro, TAG it, baby: • T: Title • A: Author • G: Genre • “The Raven,” a gothic poem by Edgar Allan Poe, blah blah blah…. • The Blind Side, a nonfiction novel by Michael Lewis, blah blahblah

  15. Issue 15: • Employ literary jargon (thank you, Tyler Greene) whenever possible—it elevates your analysis from “amateur” to “accomplished/professional” • Employing literary jargon elevates your tone to “didactic” (educational) and “erudite” (scholarly) which is what your professors/teachers expect to “hear” in your paper. • (“setting,” “dialogue,” “conflict,” “the speaker,” “theme,” “static character,” “suspense,” “minor character,” “genre,” “gothic elements,” “dark romanticism,” “stanza,” “structure,” “style,” “tone/mood,” “point of view,” “repetition,” “refrain,” “rhyme scheme,” “paradox,” “personification/personify,” “imagery,” “internal rhyme,” “irony,” “juxtaposition (oooh),” “form,” “connotation/connotes,” “epiphany,” “exposition,” “ambiguity,” “antagonist/protagonist/foil”)

  16. Issue 16: • Thesis statements were vague, **wordy, improperly organized, out of parallel structure, introducing concrete evidence, in passive voice, or…..not there… • **Due to the fact that () the narrator is “nodding nearly napping,” among other things, suggests that the raven is imagined, and grief is the main visitor instead of the raven. • (WOW—there are several issues in this one parallel structure)

  17. Issue 17: • Some of you love to flirt with Death—by using the word “got.” In your final research paper (which you will begin the last week of April), Death will come for you in the form of an abysmal grade if you submit a paper to Death’s agent, Ms. H.,with the word…got. • GOT shall be nameless here… forevermore….

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