Dealing with Conflicts

1. Dealing with Conflicts A useful P.U.R.P.L.E. People Skill!

2. What is a conflict? A conflict is a disagreement between two or more people or between two or more choices.

3. Sources of Conflict include: • Differing values or beliefs, goals and standards individuals may possess • The availability of resources including time, money and material possessions • Psychological needs or things that make a person feel important and secure (friendships, status, accomplishments) • The inner desire to keep oneself or others safe

4. There are four types of conflict. • Intrapersonal conflict • Interpersonal conflict • Intragroup conflict • Intergroup conflict

5. An intrapersonal conflict is a conflict that occurs within a person. An example of intrapersonal conflict is when a person must make decide between studying for a test or going to a game with his/her friends. An interpersonal conflict is a conflict that occurs between two or more people. Examples of this include arguments between two or more people or disagreements. The two types of conflict that involve individuals are:

6. Intragroup conflict which occurs between people who identify themselves as belonging to the same group. For example when group members can’t agree on plans or activities for the group. Intergroup conflict is a conflict that occurs between two or more groups of people including families, schools, gangs, religious groups and/or nations. Examples include school rivalry, lawsuits or war. Group conflicts are defined as:

7. Hidden anger is anger that is not recognized or is expressed in a harmful way. Hostility is a feeling of ill will and antagonism that may grow from hidden anger. When passive-aggressive behavior occurs, the person appears to be cooperative and pleasant on the outside while feeling angry and hostile. Destructive relationships can occur when people practice conflict avoidance and conflict confrontation. This occurs because they do not share their true feelings. Close relationships are prevented from developing because it is hard to feel safe when people are hostile and aggressive. Increased violence can occur because of the anger and hostility involved with unresolved conflicts. There are risks associated with conflicts including:

8. When a conflict occurs, people usually respond using one of following Conflict Response Styles. • Conflict Avoidance occurs when a person denies that there is conflict or attempts to please other at his/her expense. • Conflict Confrontation is when a person attempts to settle a disagreement in a hostile, defiant and aggressive way. • Conflict Resolution is a style that uses skills to resolve the conflict in a healthful, safe, legal, respectful and nonviolent manner.

9. Conflict Resolution involves skills used to respond to conflict so everyone feels they are involved in a win-win situation. There are 10 steps or skills used in Conflict Resolution. • Remain Calm. • Set the tone. Avoid blaming, interrupting & threats, affirm others, be sincere, avoid put-downs, reserve judgments, use positive nonverbal messages, separate the person from the problem.

10. Conflict Resolution Skills continued: • Take responsibility for personal actions. • Use I-messages to express needs and feelings. • Listen to the needs and feelings of others. • Define the conflict.

11. Conflict Resolution Skills continued: 7. List and discuss possible solutions. Evaluate each solution. • Will the solution result in actions that are healthful? • Will the solution result in actions that are safe? • Will the solution result in actions that are legal? • Will the solution result in actions that are respectful of everyone who is involved? • Will the solution result in actions that are nonviolent?

12. Conflict Resolution Skills continued: • Agree on a solution. • Keep your word and follow the solution upon which you agree. • Ask for the assistance of a trusted adult if the conflict cannot be resolved.

13. Sometimes a third person is needed to help those involved in a conflict reach a solution. Mediation is a process in which a third person, the mediator, helps people involved in the conflict reach a solution. Peer mediation is when the mediator is a person who is similar in age or status to those involved in the conflict.

14. Keep a neutral position. Listen to both sides. Set ground rules. Opposing sides agree to treat each other with respect and to listen. Define the conflict. Each side tells their side of the story and how they feel about what has happened. Identify solutions to the conflict. Opposing sides brainstorm solutions. Mediation involves seven steps:

15. 5. Evaluate suggested solutions. Will the solutions result in actions that are healthful, safe, legal, respectful and nonviolent? Is it a solution a responsible adult would agree to follow? Agree to try a solution. Both side agree to try a solution that has been agreed upon. Schedule a follow-up meeting. Schedule a meeting to see if the agreement is working. Mediation continued:

16. Please get out your journal paper! • Respond to the open response question on the next slide. • Place the completed journal entry (answer to the open response question) in your journal or notebook.

17. Answer all parts to this question using only one side of your notebook paper. John and Carlos play soccer on the same team. During one of the games, John became angry when several players on the other team began to push him and Carlos and call them names. He pushed them back and received a warning from the official. He became even angrier and was kicked out of the game. A. List 4 appropriate ways John can deal with anger. B. List and explain 3 ways to resolve conflicts.