Leading through Conflict

1. Leading throughConflict Presented by Barry L. Davis, MS, CTC, MCDP - Career Coach | Speaker | Blogger | Minister | Marathoner

2. Conflict is unavoidable . . . actually necessary, even criticalto success . . . a commitment to avoid conflict can be catastrophic

4. Conflict is unavoidable . . . actually necessary, even criticalto success Bay of Pigs vs. Missiles of October Role of President Present at all meetings Deliberately absent at times Role of Participants Advocates for particular depts. Skeptical generalists Group Norms Defer to experts, protocol Minimize status/rank

5. Conflict is unavoidable . . . actually necessary, even criticalto success Bay of Pigs vs. Missiles of October Involvement of Participants Extreme secrecy, top level Direct contact, various levels Use of Subgroups One small group, autonomous Two subgroups, debating Consideration of Alternatives No competing plans Alternatives discussed Institutionalized Dissent No “Devil’s Advocates” Two assigned this “role”

6. Leading throughConflict 3 Basic Approaches . . . The Demagogue The Manager The Mediator

7. Leading throughConflict The Demagogue • Leads through fear, threats, intimidation • Turns opponents into scapegoats • Uses lies and propaganda to dehumanize the Other • Resorts to violence to dominate or destroy the Other

8. Leading throughConflict The Manager • Operates on an exclusive, limited definition of “us” • Defines purpose in terms of the self-interest of own group • Cannot/will not deal with the issues, decisions or conflicts that cross boundaries • Is productive and effective only on home turf

9. Leading throughConflict The Mediator • Strives to act on behalf of the whole, not just a part • Thinks systematically, committed to ongoing learning • Builds trust through bridges across dividing lines • Seeks innovation and opportunity to transform conflict

10. Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools 1. Integral Vision Committing ourselves to holding all sides of the conflict, in all their complexity, in our minds and hearts • Check your vision • Don’t swap boundaries • Watch your language • Visit the Balcony • Develop a mature mind • Learn to see through walls

11. Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools 2. Systems Thinking Identifying all (or as many as possible) of the significant elements related to the conflict and understanding the relationship between them • Keep it simple • Think systematically about your role • View from “outside of the box” • Ask, “And then what?” • Think twice before naming enemies

12. Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools 3. Presence Applying all our mental, emotional, and spiritual resources to witnessing ourselves and the conflict of which we are now a part • Find your own path • Practice presence, even in the face of fear • Become a reliable witness • Pay attention to energy • Clarify your motivation • Promote presence at meetings • Cultivate quiet presence

13. Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools 4. Inquiry Asking questions that unlock essential information about the conflict that is vital to understanding how to transform it • Make questions count • Interrogation is NOT inquiry • Lean questions toward the light • Don’t blame, listen more deeply • Practice especially with those you hate – and love • Take listening tests • Learn from Master Mediators • Listen especially to those who have no voice

14. Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools 5. Conscious Conversation Developing our awareness of the full range of choices about how we speak and listen • Go beyond Robert’s Rules • Set ground rules beforehand • Make rules owned by all • Let go of “winning” arguments • Replace abstractions with relationships • Leave your comfort zone

15. Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools 6. Dialogue Communicating in order to catalyze the human capacity for bridging and innovation • Seek the Ripple Effect • Uncover assumptions • Make hidden agendas visible • Equalize power relationships • When necessary, add action to dialogue • Rebuild trust when it runs low • Challenge arrogance with dialogue • Use respect to dissolve stereotypes

16. Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools 7. Bridging Building actual partnerships and alliances that cross the borders that divide an organization or community • Build bridges one step at a time • Bridge idealism and practicality • Build from the middle, not just from the top • Think like a minority • Raise the level of the game • Learn to bridge by doing it • Think webs, not walls

17. Mediating through Conflict – the 8 tools 8. Innovation Catalyze social or entrepreneurial breakthroughs that foster new options for moving through conflicts • Don’t seek the limelight • Practice collaboration, don’t just preach it • Emphasis coleaders and teams, not individuals • Fix the process as well as the problem • Ensure fair rules • Learn to dance

18. Conflict– Affective vs. Constructive During Before After Rules established in advance Roles clarified for each individual involved Respect build mutually, considering cognitive styles Reframe recast in a different light Redescribe present ideas, data in novel ways Revisit basic facts and assumptions at impasses Reflect evaluate process, learn Repair damaged relationships and hurt feelings Remember and celebrate successes

19. Leading throughConflict Some excellent resources on the subject . . . Leadership and Self-Deception The Arbinger Institute, 2002 Leading Through Conflict: How Successful Leaders Transform Differences into Opportunities Gerzon, Mark, Harvard Business School Press, 2006 Why Great Leaders Don’t Take Yes For An Answer Roberto, Michael, A., Wharton School Publishing, 2005 The Wisdom of Crowds Surowiecki, James, Doubleday, 2004

20. Barry L. Davis, MS, CTC, MCDP Gift of Self Career Services, LLC - https://www.facebook.com/GiftofSelf bdavis@giftofself.biz http://www.linkedin.com/in/barrydavismcdp http://twitter.com/bl_davis Blogs for the New Workplace: http://bdavismcdp.wordpress.com/ 717.283.5760 cell