Qualifications and Engagement

1. Qualifications and Engagement

2. Qualifications in engagement • Islam, and piety. • All scholars agreed that a Muslim woman may only marry a Muslim man. • قال تعالى : " وَلَا تَنكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكَاتِ حَتَّى يُؤْمِنَّ وَلَأَمَةٌ مُؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِنْ مُشْرِكَةٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ وَلَا تُنكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكِينَ حَتَّى يُؤْمِنُوا وَلَعَبْدٌ مُؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌ مِنْ مُشْرِكٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ أُوْلَئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى النَّارِ وَاللَّهُ يَدْعُو إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ وَالْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِ وَيُبَيِّنُ آيَاتِهِ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ " [البقرة :221] • قال تعالى : " يَاأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا إِذَا جَاءَكُمْ الْمُؤْمِنَاتُ مُهَاجِرَاتٍ فَامْتَحِنُوهُنَّ اللَّهُ أَعْلَمُ بِإِيمَانِهِنَّ فَإِنْ عَلِمْتُمُوهُنَّ مُؤْمِنَاتٍ فَلَا تَرْجِعُوهُنَّ إِلَى الْكُفَّارِ لَا هُنَّ حِلٌّ لَهُمْ وَلَا هُمْ يَحِلُّونَ لَهُنَّ " [ الممتحنة : 11] • Yet, Muslim men may marry Christian and Jewish women only, and if they • Bashful • not fighting Muslims. • Agree to raise the children as Muslim • قال الله تعالى:{اليوم أحل لكم الطيبات وطعام الذين أوتوا الكتاب حل لكم وطعامكم حلٌ لهم والمحصنات من المؤمنات والمحصنات من الذين أوتوا الكتاب من قبلكم • نساء أهل الكتاب قال تعالى : " وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنْ الَّذِينَ أُوتُوا الْكِتَابَ " [المائدة :5]إذا آتيتموهنَّ أجورهنَّ محصنين غير مسافحين ولا متخذي أخدان}، • Omar IbnAlkhattab orders Hudhayfa, to divorce a Jewish lady he married, because he didn’t want the Muslim women to face a fitnah of not having husbands.

3. Choosing piety as a recommendation • Islam encouraged both men and women to consider piety as the most important qualification. • For men he said: تنكح المرأة لأربع: لمالها، ولحسبها، ولجمالها ولدينها فاظفر بذات الدين تربت يداك» أخرجه البخاري ومسلم • The prophet peace be upon him said: “women are “generally” chosen for their “wealth”, progeny, beauty and piety, choose piety, or face poverty” • For the women he said: “إذا جاءكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فزوجوه» • The prophet peace be upon him said to the women: “if you get a proposal from someone who has good manners and piety, then get him married, for if you do not, this will enhance trials and destruction on earth”.

4. Having a pious husband or wife does not mean success, but increaes the chances of success. • زينب بنت جحش was married to زيد بن حارثة yet, their marriage was not successful. • أسماء بنت أبي بكر was married to الزبير بن العوام • Yet, there are other important qualifications that differ from one person to another based on their: • Level of education • Job • Personality • Culture • Physical needs • Physiological needs • Looks and character have a large impact as well. • Family expectations, • Children expectationsالودود الولود • Legal considerations and documents

5. The prophet peace be upon him encouraged on certain qualifications • Piety • يقول الرسول صلى الله عليه وسلم: «ما استفاد المؤمن بعد تقوى الله خيراً من زوجة صالحة، إن أمرها أطاعته، وإن نظر إليه سرته، وإن أقسم عليها أبرته، وإن غاب عنها نصحته في نفسها وماله» • The prophet peace be upon him said: “the best benefit for a believer after piety, better than a pious wife, if he orders her, she obeys him, and if he looks at her, she pleases him, and if makes an oath, she fulfills it, and if he is absent from her, she protects herself and his wealth” • Single, although most of his wives were not single, only one was. «هلا بكرا، تلاعبها وتلاعبك» • Even though جابر بن عبد الله replied why he didn’t want a single (virgin) women to help him take care of his nine sisters. • Fertile • قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: «تزوجوا الودود الولود فإني مكانثر بكم الأمم يوم القيامة» • The prophet peace be upon him said: “Marry the kind and fertile women, for I will be proud of your numbers on judgment day”

6. Seeing the girl wanting to propose to • The prophet peace be upon him had encouraged the companions to see the women they interested in getting married to: • قوله صلى الله عليه وسلم للمتزوج امرأة من الأنصار : ( أنظرت إليها ؟ قال : لا صحيح قال : فاذهب فانظر إليها فإن في أعين الأنصار شيئا ) صحيح مسلم • The prophet peace be upon him told the man from Alansar, when he was told that he had got engaged, he said: did you see her?, he replied no, he said: see her the Ansar have something in their eyes (i.e. an issue with looks). • فعن جابر رضي الله عنه قال : خطبت جارية من بني سلمه فكنت أتخبأ لها حتى رأيت منها بعض ما دعاني إلى نكاحها ) رواه أحمد وأبي داود • Jaber said that the prophet peace be upon him had said: “if someone proposes to a woman, and if he is able to see what might get him into marrying the woman, then do so, so Jaber said: “I proposed to a woman, and I used to hide to see her, until I saw what made me want to propose to her, so I married her.” • عن المغيرة بن شعبة أنه خطب امرأة، فقال له النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: «انظر إليها فإنه أحرى أن يؤدم بينكما» • The prophet peace be upon him said to المغيرة بن شعبة: “look at her, for it brings in love and mercy between the both of you”. • عَنْ سَهْلِ بْنِ سَعْدٍ ، " أَنّ امْرَأَةً جَاءَتْ إِلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ ، فَقَالَتْ : يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ ، جِئْتُ لأَهَبَ لَكَ نَفْسِي ، فَنَظَرَ إِلَيْهَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ ، فَصَعَّدَ النَّظَرَ إِلَيْهَا وَصَوَّبَهُ ثُمَّ طَأْطَأَ رَأْسَهُ ، فَلَمَّا رَأَتِ الْمَرْأَةُ أَنَّهُ لَمْ يَقْضِ فِيهَا شَيْئًا جَلَسَتْ “ • A women came to the prophet peace be upon him and said: oh prophet of Allah, I came to gift myself to you, he looked at her, and “really looked at her”, then he lowered his head, when she saw that he wasn’t interested she sat.

7. In general the man and the women may see each other during proposals. But, what is the ruling? • Liked • Sunnah • Harram • Permissible • Preponderant ruling, is that it is permissible for him or her to see each other. • If they do not see each other, all scholars agreed that the marriage would still be valid.

8. How much can he see from the woman? • Scholars opinions: • What normally appears in front of her mahram and other women as hands, face, neck, legs • Hands and face • Body except the private parts, which is totally not acceptable from the rulings of sharia and the wisdoms of Islam

9. Preponderant ruling on what he can see from her • The generalization in the hadiths do show that he may see of the women more than just hands and face, since the hadiths actually use more general terms. • Yet, it must be noted that it is of high importance that the family and the sister make sure of this mans piety, interest, and manners before taking the step of taking the women’s hijab, in front of every man coming in.

10. Does she have to know? • From the manners and respecting privacies that he should get permission to see her from her family. • Yet, many scholars do say that he may see her without her permission, which does not mean that one unreveals people’s privacies. • Other scholars, as Shafi’ee did recommend that he would see her, without her knowledge to not break her feelings. • Scholars such as the Maliki, have hated that men would see women without their guardians consent, since that might give the ill mannered people to take advantage of bashful women.

11. Can they see each other more than once? • The hadiths don’t limit the number of citations. But leave it open till one makes a final decision.

12. Being alone with the fiancee • If a man and a woman are only engaged, they are totally considered as not married, and strangers. • The prophet peace be upon him had said: any man alone with a women, their third will be shaytan.”

13. When do they see each other? • Scholars had different opinions on the matter? • When she gives initial consent and is ready to go for the marriage contract • Before giving any consent, and from the first meeting or second meeting • Preponderant: ask about the man, sit the first sit with your hijab, if you and the family is comfortable, you may take off your hijab, to make a final see.

14. Note: if a man or a women know that they wont be interested in this person, they are not permitted to see this person. • If there is some barrier from getting married, lower your gaze.

15. Can someone look on his behalf? • Women may see on his behalf, but men may not see on his behalf. • Women may explain it only to the person interested and not explain the women to other men.

16. How much can she see from the man? • Women as men, are attracted to looks • The hadiths that were speaking of men looking at women, include women looking at men. Since they are the same. • Anyways, a mans private is from his knees to his naval.

17. What if he or she didn’t like the other person’s appearance? • They must preserve other’s privacies. • Many scholars hated that he would say: I don’t want her, since that is harm.