The Dead Camel 6.EXT. A SUBURBAN STREET. DAY

1. The Dead Camel6.EXT. A SUBURBAN STREET. DAY Outside of Horace’s house, GONZO is seen slamming the door in a fury. He pauses for a minute, looks as if he is about to turn round for a final word, decides against it and marches off down the path. He gets to the end of the gate, opens it and walks down the street. Soon, he comes to a busy crossroads and has to wait. Running up behind him comes HORACE. Traffic flows and the two talk. They go off together and go to a café.

2. That’s AGES of screen time. Be very careful about time & think about pace. • Outside of Horace’s house, GONZO is seen slamming the door in a fury. He pauses for a minute, looks as if he is about to turn round for a final word, decides against it and marches off down the path. He gets to the end of the gate, opens it and walks down the street. Um, do we need this much unnecessary detail? There’s a word count.

3. Soon, he comes to a busy crossroads and has to wait. Running up behind him comes HORACE. Traffic flows and the two talk. They go off together and go to a café. This is more like a story. It should be another scene – even a brief one. Can we hear what they say? Are you suggesting improvised dialogue? If not, what would we see at this point? Be more cinematic. How do we know this? It could be another short scene.

4. 6. EXT. A SUBURBAN STREET OUTSIDE HORACE’S HOUSE. DAY 6. Outside of Horace’s house, GONZO is seen slamming the door in a fury. He pauses for a second, looks as if he is about to turn round for a final word, decides against it and marches off, clenching his fists. 7. EXT. FURTHER ALONG THE SAME SUBURBAN STREET. DAY 7. GONZO is marching down the street in a fury. AN OLD LADY has to move out of his way. She gives him a filthy look. 8.EXT. A SUBURBAN STREET OUTSIDE HORACE’S HOUSE. DAY 8. HORACE opens the front door and rushes out, pulling his jacket on. 9. EXT. A BUSY ROAD JUNCTION. DAY 9. Cars zoom by in the foreground. Behind, GONZO stands at a busy crossroads waiting to cross. Throughout, we remain positioned across the road, separated by traffic. Running up behind him comes HORACE. GONZO responds furiously to his arrival, but we cannot hear what is said. Traffic flows and the two talk. Whatever HORACE says, it seems to calm GONZO. They begin to go off together. Dissolve. 10. INT. A QUIET CAFÉ. The faint sound of pop music and tea stirring ETC…

5. More Wonderful Scenes From The Dead Camel 6. EXT. A SUBURBAN STREET OUTSIDE HORACE’S HOUSE. DAY 6. Outside of Horace’s house, GONZO is seen slamming the door in a fury. He pauses for a beat, looks as if he is about to turn round for a final word, decides against it and marches off, clenching his fists. 7. EXT. FURTHER ALONG THE SAME SUBURBAN STREET. DAY 7. GONZO is marching down the street in a fury. AN OLD LADY has to move out of his way. She gives him a filthy look. 8.EXT. A SUBURBAN STREET OUTSIDE HORACE’S HOUSE. DAY 8. HORACE opens the front door and rushes out, pulling his jacket on. 9. EXT. A BUSY ROAD JUNCTION. DAY 9. Cars zoom by in the foreground. Behind, GONZO stands at a busy crossroads, waiting to cross. Throughout, we remain positioned across the road, separated by traffic. Running up behind him comes HORACE. GONZO responds furiously to his arrival, but we cannot hear what is said. Traffic flows and the two talk. Whatever HORACE says, it seems to calm GONZO. They begin to go off together. Dissolve. 10. INT. A QUIET CAFÉ. Day 10. The faint sound of pop music and tea stirring ETC…