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Addiction: ABC ’ s and 123 ’ s

Addiction: ABC ’ s and 123 ’ s

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Addiction: ABC ’ s and 123 ’ s

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  1. Addiction: ABC’s and 123’s Dr. Barbara Byers

  2. The ABC’s • A - The Addict and Addiction • B - Belief System • C - Cycle of Addiction • D - Decline Process • E - Enabling • F - Family Connection

  3. A: What is Addiction? • It is not just frequent use of a substance or process, but it is abuse coupled with: • deception, • loss in relationships, • dependency on the object, • loss of control, • attempts to stop bring withdrawal symptoms, • changes within the personality. • Why? To escape painful emotions and create a different mood.

  4. Addiction: 2 Types • 1. Substance addictions • Revolve around drinking, eating, ingesting, inhaling, huffing, injecting, taking in • Caffeine, nicotine, sugar, alcohol, drugs, pain-killers • 2. Process addictions: “doing” • TV, shopping, internet, gambling, exercising, stealing • Relating: misery/victimization, hyper-religion, and drama and chaos

  5. Satiation and Arousal • Arousal • Caffeine/tobacco, high risk behavior, sexual behaviors, gambling, drugs • Satiation • Alcohol, eating, drugs, sex, spending, working • The addict wants to arouse but also satisfy

  6. The Addict:Risk Factors • “Addictive” personality features • Absence of good coping skills • Unmet emotional, social and spiritual needs • Lack of support; broken family • Dysfunctional family messages • Unfinished business, pain of the past

  7. B: Faulty Belief System • Addiction is an emotional relationship with an object or process! We love and trust it! • Addiction starts out as an emotional illusion to cover deeper impaired beliefs • As emotional level of addiction is established, the process develops its own emotional logic

  8. C: Cycle of Addiction • Cycle begins with negative emotions • Start to get preoccupied with a way to soothe and alleviate the emotions • Use something that’s worked before • Sets in a ritual • Just preparation and anticipation begins bring arousal and to soothe • Last stage of cycle: feel shame, blame, remorse, self-hatred, hopelessness

  9. D: Process of Decline • Loss of Control - signs of increasing use: • 1. Tolerance increases • 2. Begin to experience impairment • 3. Habits are established and dependency is growing (stronghold) • 4. Deception is set in, deceiving others and ourselves • 5. Attachment deepens

  10. Decline: Personality Changes • Stage 1: Internal Change • Mental preoccupation • Commitment to a negative lifestyle • Shame • Euphoric recall • Denial, minimization, rationalization, avoidance

  11. Decline: Personality Changes • Stage 2: • Logic develops into a rigid, delusional belief system • Brain impairment • Stage 2 Behaviors • Betrays; lies; blames • Withdraws • Spiritual deadening • Stage 2 Deep Ritualization • “Negative surrender”

  12. Decline: Personality Changes • Stage 3 - Chronic • Addicts have built strong defense system and delusions • Have developed tolerance, so must act out more often and more dangerously • Confident in ability to manipulate others while feeling lost, isolated, ashamed • Feels cut off emotionally and spiritually except with their object

  13. Decline • Reaction of others: • “To have a relationship with a practicing addict is very painful and emotionally dangerous.” (Nakken) • Relationships suffer as others feel intense pain • Others react to withdrawal by addict • Either withdraw or try to control or both • Feel manipulated, lied to, blamed, betrayed, neglected • Trust is fractured • “Crazy making” - keep trying to make sense out of it

  14. The Trip Wire: Enabling • Trip Wire = “something that activates something greater” • Enabling: about living in orbit of someone else’s pain, chaos, sorrow, darkness, chaos, addiction, need • Enabling is about my own need to stay connected, to fix

  15. Enabling: Impaired Behaviors • Start to participate in same impaired mental processes as addict • Feel the loss of relationship, try to deny it but become angry, despairing • Efforts to change relationship are ineffective and can intensify the system • Family makes adjustments - so all kinds of co-dependencies develop • Over-focus: “The Addict” becomes family scapegoat

  16. Enabling: Behaviors • Preoccupation with addict’s problems leads to controlling behaviors • Assume that the co-addict has power over the addict • Sacrifice part of own identity to stay in the relationship • Enabler starts with core beliefs life • Often carry a sense of abandonment • Often carry an inflated sense of responsibility • May use blame to shield own feelings

  17. The Family Connection • Predisposition to addiction if parents addicted • Toxic family may pollute our attitudes • Develop ways of coping • Measure of dysfunction is how willing we are not to talk about it! • Believe illusion that if acting out stops, pain stops

  18. What Now? • Assess the stage of use or addiction. • Recognize and stop the enabling in the system. • Break the silence to disable the system. • Get outside help and support.

  19. Intervention • Intervention is intended to force the addict to make some changes in behavior. • Creates a crisis. • “No more promises.”“No more tears.” • It is a call to action with a specific plan. • Not a threat. Must be caring but clear. • Helps them break through patterns of denial to admit there is a problem. • Remember you are asking them to give up their very best friend. • Takes courage to face their rage and our enabling.

  20. Detachment • If you are an enabler, you have probably tried all the wrong approaches. • Feel frustrated, angry, abandoned, hopeless • Detachment is the key. • Move out of their orbit as much as possible. • Limit yourself; get help for YOU. • Don’t cover for them; don’t keep their secret. • Not about not feeling emotions, about being stable and not reacting.

  21. Detachment • Idea is to separate yourself emotionally from the damaging effects of your relationship with the addict • Not abandonment! • Not complete dissociation. • Move away from taking too much responsibility. • Move away from control. • Move away from emotional reactions to their destructive behaviors.

  22. Detachment • Must be willing to set boundaries and be consistent in enforcing them. • Consequences are absolutely essential. • Must be willing to decide on non-negotiables. • Be emotionally prepared for onslaught of their blame and anger if you are changing the “rules.” • Get support for this.

  23. Detachment • What does detachment look like? • It is difficult! • Don’t do anything for them they should be doing for themselves. • Don’t rescue them from consequences. • Don’t cover their mistakes. • Let them suffer where necessary. • Let go of the guilt you have.

  24. Consequences • Consequences will help drive an addict to feel the real pain of their choices. • Without consequences, change is difficult. • Restore and maintain ALL consequences. • Beware of manipulation. • Luke 15 story gives us hope. • When all is lost then sanity and clarity may intrude. • The addict may “come to himself” and be willing to change.

  25. There is Hope! … The 123’s • Addicts must have hope, must know: • “There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still.” Corrie ten Boom The Hiding Place • #1: There is hope because there is grace! • John 1:14 Jesus came full of grace and truth….at our deepest darkness. • This grace is real, tangible, present and empowering.

  26. 2nd Element: Facing Pain • Must have a willingness to face the pain of our current addiction which is so debilitating and has caused such loss to ourselves and others • Must go to the taproot. • Where does it hurt? • When we pause the addiction, the pain comes us and demands attention • So can’t just stop the behavior

  27. 3rd Element: Telling the truth • Denial and deception are at the heart of addiction so the truth must be told. • Whatever we hold back, we won’t be free of. • “You are only as sick as your secrets.” • Responsibility: • Recovery will not begin until the addict accepts responsibility for his practices: choices, behaviors, and beliefs.

  28. Where to Get Help • Individual and group counseling • School counselors • Outpatient and inpatient rehabilitation • Must be long enough to get to the roots • Cessation of behavior and internal pain • Church groups such as Celebrate Recovery • Al-Anon • Doug Weiss at Heart-to-Heart Counseling • Nancy Alcorn’s Mercy Ministry

  29. Summary • “Expand your options” • Break the silence • Break the shame • Break the isolation • Research tells us we cannot do it alone! • Need consequences. • Grace and truth!

  30. Helpful Books • Addiction and Grace by Gerald May • The Addictive Personality by Craig Nakken • The Heart of Addiction by Lance Dodes • Facing Shame: Families in Recovery by Fossum and Mason