FIVE EASY PIECES Building Blocks for Important Conversations

1. FIVE EASY PIECESBuilding Blocks for Important Conversations Tom A. Kosakowski, JD University Ombuds for the Health Sciences Campus University of Southern California

2. Some Observations • Conflict and dysfunction are normal

4. Some Observations • Conflict and dysfunction are normal • Mistakes are easy to make • Possible to improve

5. Second biggest innovation

6. Second biggest innovation • Fast casual dining • Simplified menu • Quality ingredients • Made to order

7. Second biggest innovation

8. What’s on the Menu Pick your… Fraught Workplace Interpersonal Transaction Add… Timing Respect Asking Next Steps Specifics

9. Fraught Interpersonal Transactions • Performance reviews and discipline • Promotions and salary negotiations • Disagreements over process and output • Feedback to management • Apologies to coworkers

10. Five Easy Pieces • Timing • Respect • Asking • Next Steps • Specifics

11. Five Easy Pieces • Timing • When

12. “Bad timing—he’s in one of his Old Testament moods today.”

13. Five Easy Pieces • Timing • When • How

14. Five Easy Pieces • Timing • When • How • Factors • Emotions • Deadlines

15. Five Easy Pieces • Timing • Respect • Second, hidden conversation

16. “I can’t remember what we’re arguing about either. Let’s keep yelling, and maybe it will come back to us.”

17. Five Easy Pieces • Timing • Respect • Second, hidden conversation • Acknowledge the underlying relationship • Disrespect lurks in most conflicts

18. Five Easy Pieces • Timing • Respect • Asking

19. Five Easy Pieces • Timing • Respect • Asking • Open-ended questions

20. “Would you rather fight a horse-size duck or fifty duck-size horses?”

21. “One question: If this is the Information Age, how come nobody knows anything?”

22. Five Easy Pieces • Timing • Respect • Asking • Open-ended questions • De-escalating effect

23. “It sort of makes you stop and think, doesn’t it?”

24. Five Easy Pieces • Timing • Respect • Asking • Open-ended questions • De-escalating effect • Questions lead to insights

25. Five Easy Pieces • Timing • Respect • Asking • Next Steps • Acknowledge the past • Focus on the future

26. Five Easy Pieces • Timing • Respect • Asking • Next Steps • Specifics

27. “I regret that my poor choice of wordscaused some people to understand what I was saying.”

28. Five Easy Pieces • Timing • Respect • Asking • Next Steps • Specifics • Your concerns • Other’s perspective • Next steps

29. Five Easy Pieces Timing + Respect + Asking + Next Steps + Specifics = TRANS A word-forming element meaning "across, beyond, through, on the other side of, to go beyond," from Latin trans (prep.) "across, over, beyond," perhaps originally present participle of a verb *trare-, meaning "to cross," from PIE *tra-, variant of root *tere- (2) "cross over, pass through, overcome."

30. Closing • Kudos • Questions

31. Discussion Scenario 1 • You are a mid-level administrator with nearly a decade of experience at the university. One of your direct reports, Nuria, manages a team of half a dozen people in a research center. Nuria has reported to you for a few years and, although you get along with her just fine, you know that she has a reputation for being aloof and unfriendly. You also know most of Nuria’s team well and you know that they are cohesive and productive, despite Nuria’s chilly demeanor. • This week, one of Nuria’s employee came to you directly to complain about a situation in the office. Kyle is one of the university’s long-time employees, having worked here since graduating nearly 30 years ago. Kyle explains that he has had a series of medical absences that have affected his work attendance and performance. Kyle says that Nuria has not spoken to him about either problems, but has unilaterally corrected his time sheets with terse notations. Kyle says that yesterday, Nuria sent an email requesting an unscheduled performance review. • An emotional Kyle confides two things to you: he has been thinking about retiring next year; and his adult daughter has just been diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer and has moved back home for treatment. Kyle says that he is afraid to take any leave, fearing that Nuria will amplify her criticism and force him out before he reaches maximum vesting at 30 years. You refer Kyle to HR for information FMLA benefits. You also agree to meet with Nuria to discuss Kyle’s concerns. How do you approach this meeting with Nuria?

32. Discussion Scenario 2 • You are a junior faculty member up for tenure in eighteen months and you just landed your first big federal grant. You are busy assembling your dossier for tenure review and also preparing to work on the newly funded research. Your department chair, Toru, works in the same field and has been an important mentor. In addition, he has ensured that you had funding in the past couple years by putting you on one of his big grants part-time. • Two years ago, Toru’s lab had made a breakthrough in its research, in part because you and your grad student developed a wholly new algorithm to analyze the data from the experiment. Toru was deeply appreciative and supported a patent filing listing you and the grad student as primary inventors. The grad student also recently completed a paper describing the algorithm. She is the first author and, since you had financially supported the grad student on your small, independent grant, you are listed as the last author. An undergrad student who worked briefly in your lab is the second and only other author. • This morning, you were startled when Toru burst into your office, holding a copy of the submitted paper. You had not given him a copy of the paper because he was not listed as an author. Nonetheless, Toru is outraged that he is not the last author. You have never seen him this upset. Toru demands that you summon the grad student for an immediate discussion about the paper. How do you respond?