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Distorted Sex: Providing mercy to sexual strugglers

Distorted Sex: Providing mercy to sexual strugglers. Philip G. Monroe, PsyD Biblical Seminary pmonroe@biblical.edu. A hidden crisis . Do you know who is in crisis around you Struggling with sexual identity Struggling with pornography Struggling with masturbation

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Distorted Sex: Providing mercy to sexual strugglers

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  1. Distorted Sex: Providing mercy to sexual strugglers Philip G. Monroe, PsyD Biblical Seminary pmonroe@biblical.edu

  2. A hidden crisis • Do you know who is in crisis around you • Struggling with sexual identity • Struggling with pornography • Struggling with masturbation • What does a struggler look like? • Nothing different!

  3. Take a moment… • What is your first image of a sexually broken person? • Victim of abuse? • Addict? • Offender? Willful sinner? • How has your church spoken of the sexually broken in the last year?

  4. Mercy Ministry for Sexual Brokenness Simple steps, really: • Education • Prevention • Direction • Comfort, accountability, and support: a place in the family of God

  5. Education • From the pulpit and classroom: • Provide a picture of healthy sex • Normalize (sexual) brokenness • Testimonies the provide a picture of healing • Specific Issues • Struggles to feel understood (the need for quality materials for those hiding their pain) • Struggles with desire and temptation • Struggles with identity • All or nothing thinking in the world and church?

  6. Sexual Identity and Attraction • Identity and Attraction are multifaceted • Attraction and Identity are not equivalent! • Sexual Identity • Gender (and feelings about one’s gender) • Persistence and direction of attraction • Intention • Behaviors (personal and environment) • Values (personal and community) Adapted from Mark Yarhouse,

  7. Sexual Identity

  8. Prevention • Does your church speak winsomely about • Positive, non-objectifying images of women? • The beauty of sexual desire? • Internet filters and accountability? • Sexual identity and same-sex attraction in non-stereotyping manner? • Singlehood? • The process of becoming dead and undead?

  9. A Biblical View of Desire • We are made to desire God and his creation • But since sin entered the world… • We long for things that are out of reach • These unfulfilled longings are painful • We often turn good desires into demands • We desire too little rather than too much • We often want behavior management rather than transformation

  10. Direction • What do I do if I struggle with: • confused sexual identity and same-sex attraction? • sexual addictions? • Where do I turn?

  11. Sexual Identity SSA Goals • Use descriptive language vs. politically charged • Seek peace with Christian identity as primary shaper of facets of identity • Understand multiple influences on sexual attraction, behaviors, experiences • See relationships between sensations, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors • Achieve safe, meaningful relationships

  12. Entering Into the Addict’s Life • Looking to be there for the long haul • Recognizing spiritual, will, and body dimensions of enslavement • Alert to stages of change • Practicing good spiritual hygiene

  13. How do I protect myself from demanding desires? • Visual reminders, reality checks • Staying close to God’s Word • Prayer • Make your struggle a community effort • Humility and Simplicity

  14. Comfort & Support • Groups for all • Provide worship, support, teaching, prayer, tears, accountability • Avoid splitting out by problem • Provide safe place for offended family members to struggle with trust and yet turn to see God/self in the midst of the pain • Session uses discipline in the widest sense of the word (hospital, not merely court)

  15. Warning • Everyone wants sexual brokenness to go away • But what if the struggle doesn’t diminish? • The struggler and supports often conspire to pretend that the problem is gone • Find ways to make okay to keep talking about struggles in a Gospel manner

  16. Helpful Tools • Web materials • www.harvestusa.org (see handouts with me) • Materials, church training, consultation • www.covenanteyes.com (accountability) • www.bsafehome.com (filtering) • Books • Yarhouse, Mark. Sexual Identity Synthesis… University Press of America (2004) • Welch, Ed. Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave… P & R Publishing (2001) • Gallagher, Steve. At the altar of sexual idolatry. Pure Life (2000) • Howard, Jeanette. Out of Egypt. Monarch Books (2001)

  17. For copies of these slides: www.wisecounsel.wordpress.com Click “Articles, slides…” page

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