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Real love is a journey not a destination!!!

Real love is a journey not a destination!!!. What we understand about love depends on how we have been treated. The rest we learn . . . . No one is the perfect lover. You have to constantly work at your relationships. The fundamental thing to learn is that we can always learn more.

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Real love is a journey not a destination!!!

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  1. Real love is a journey not a destination!!! • What we understand about love depends on how we have been treated. The rest we learn . . . . • No one is the perfect lover. • You have to constantly work at your relationships. • The fundamental thing to learn is that we can always learn more.

  2. What does love have to do with it??? • We use the word “love” for just about every connection we have with anything that appeals to us: • I love my dog!! • I love ice cream!! • I love you!! • Does that mean that you like me? • Does that mean you think I’m attractive? • Does that mean you want to be close to me? (or) • Do you want to be close to somebody and I’ll do for the night? • Does it mean that you deeply care for me?

  3. Greek Words for Love • Greek thinkers used different words to express different love feelings and relationships. • EROS …… falling in love, sexual attraction • PHILIA …... Friendship • AGAPE …… to wish someone well, respect, justice • STERGE …… natural love, affection, child-parent

  4. LOVE TRIANGLE LOVE (Eros) FRIENDSHIP (Philia) CARING (Agape)

  5. Love Triangle • CARING • FRIENDSHIP • LOVE • Is the foundation for the relationship • Is the supporting walls to strengthen the relationships • Is the crowning pinnacle – special kind of attraction two people have for each other

  6. Myths of Love • Love at first sight is the best, most romantic type of love • Jealousy is a sign of love • Playing hard to get will make a person love you more • Love can conquer all • Falling in love is joyous, It you don’t feel happy all the time, something is wrong • Love means giving up yourself to the relationship • Love means feeling good about each other all the time • You’ll probably have only one true love in your life, and if things don’t work out with that person, you have totally blown it • If you’re unhappy with your life, love is the answer • If it is real love, sex should be a part of your relationship from the beginning • Love means never having to say you’re sorry • With enough love, you can change someone Activity: Write down the “truth”regarding these common myths.

  7. LOVE IS A FREE DECISION TO CARE ALL LOVE RELATIONSHIPS HAVE THESE CHARACTERISTICS: • Concern • Acceptance • Responsibility • Integrity • Nurturing • Giving

  8. C = CONCERN • One who truly loves another is concerned about the others welfare. • The desire good not harm. • Without concern you just have pleasant feelings. • LOVE IS AN ATTITUDE NOT AN EMOTION • Emotions play an important part but are love. • Jesus said we must be concerned with another’s welfare. • AGAPE Love means that we wish a person well, not harm. • Feelings of concern should be done by a free choice. • Example – When disagreeing with a partner you may not feel like being cozy, but their concern doesn’t stop.

  9. A = ACCEPTANCE • Understand that everyone is valuable, loved by God, and therefore is worthy of your love. • Love unconditionally, as God does. • (Conditional love can be selfish “If’s” are disguised selfishness.) • Example – I’ll love you if no one better comes along. • I’ll love you if . . . . . • Don’t put yourself on a pedestal • Don’t put yourself or others down. • LOVE REQUIRES ACCEPTANCE NOW AND IN THE FUTURE.

  10. R = RESPONSIBILITY • Love means we are responsible BEFORE something happens • RESPONSIBILITY IS CONCERN IN ACTION. • Act in ways that foster the other person’s total good. • Never desire to hurt anyone. Think before you act about what will benefit or hurt someone. • Behave in ways that reflect your sincere concern about the other person’s well-being. • True love = people will act responsible rather than bring harm onto another. • Problem – people often don’t act concerned or responsible unless something bad happens and then they see their mistake.

  11. I = INTEGRITY • Integrity means honesty and sincerity. • Without honesty, love is not loving, it is a lie. • To be dishonest would betray our own dignity as a person (cheapens people-send a message that you’re not worth the truth.) • If you believe in yourself—you can handle yourself. • Be faithful and worthy of another’s trust. • INTEGRITY MEANS BEING WHO YOU ARE AND SEEING THE OTHER INDIVIDUAL REALISTICALLY. • Honesty and integrity are necessary for trust. • NO PEDESTALS • An act done without sincerity is not a loving one but a selfish act.

  12. N = NURTURING • Nurturing means desiring a person’s growth --- that person becoming more and more the person they are called to be. • Be Supportive. • Love does not insist on shaping someone to become what we want, but helping a person discover and to grow. • Being nurturing means that you don’t play games with people. • Don’t manipulate or be possessive with someone.

  13. G = Giving • Care more about what you can give to the relationship than what you can receive from it. • Be there, sometimes without words, when someone needs you. • Share your inner self--- from heart even though you risk being rejected. • Receive graciously from the other person. • May or may not involve material goods. • Giving of ourselves involves RISK. • Marriage isn’t 50-50 arrangement. It’s giving 100% of yourself to the relationship. • Giving is always unconditional – no strings attached.

  14. FACES OF LOVE • Faces of Love are PEOPLE THAT YOUR LOVE • Yourself • Family • Friends • God Circle of Love

  15. CARING SUMMARY CARING SUMMARY POINTS • CONCERN • ACCEPTANCE • RESPONSIBILITY • INTEGRITY • NURTURING • GIVING • Good not harm, attitude not emotion, agape, free choice • Unconditional, no “ifs ( disguised selfishness), now and in the future • Concern in action, BEFORE something happens • honesty, sincerity, no pedestal, realistic, trust • Desiring person’s growth, supportive not shaping • Unconditional, 100%, share, risk

  16. INFATUATION FROM LOVE INFATUATION LOVE • Happens quickly • Don’t know faults/change people • Jealous/suspicious • Impatient/pushy/now • Physical appearance, sex, social status • requires time • Know faults and accepts • Trust • Don’t rush • Cares about the inner person

  17. INFATUATION FROM LOVECONTINUES • Compromise values/beliefs • Relationship ends suddenly • Self-absorbed • Restricts honesty and relaxation • Strengthens one’s convictions • Last over time • Sensitivity for both • Honest and comfortable

  18. INFATUATION FROM LOVECONTINUES • Insecure/emotional turmoil • Idealize other person • Possessive • Self-centered • Self-confidence, security, peace • Practical, realistic, optimistic • Freedom • Other-centered

  19. How to Handle Infatuation • Realize it for what is …. A strong emotional attraction • Tell the other person • Enjoy the experience • Make no serious decisions in an infatuated situation

  20. GROWING IN LOVE REQUIRES • TIME • EFFORT • KNOWLEDGE

  21. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT • A strong mutual attraction two people experience even though they have just met • Unconscious list - physical qualities in a person that you find attractive but are not aware of yet may influence behaviors • One-Sided love relationship - developing a strong attraction for someone who does not seem, in return, to be similarly attracted, or even know you exist (Not love at all – Infatuation)

  22. Catholic Teaching on Homosexuality • Dignity as a person comes from that we are all created in God’s image • Morality must involve a free choice • Most gay/lesbian persons don’t experience their sexual orientation as something they have chosen • Gay/lesbian persons have no obligation to attempt to change their homosexual nature • Being gay/lesbian doesn’t mean that one therefore engages in homosexual activities • Catholic teaching holds that homosexual persons have the same obligation to practice chastity as any other single adult person • Gay/lesbian persons may initially find it hard to accept their homosexuality(suicide, conceal sexuality, may even marry and start a family) • CATHOLIC TEACHING REMINDS US TO BE RESPECTFUL, COMPASSIONATE, AND SENSITIVE

  23. Gender Terms • Heterosexual: sexual attraction toward those of other gender • Homosexual: sexual attraction toward persons of the same gender • Gay: homosexual males • Lesbian: homosexual females • Gender Identity: one state or self-awareness of being male or female • Sexual orientation: one’s deeply rooted inborn tendency or ability to experience sexual attraction mainly or exclusively toward those of a certain gender or both genders

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