Loneliness & Solitude

Loneliness & Solitude Chapter 11

Discuss • What is the difference between loneliness and being alone? • When have you felt alone when there were other people around you? When have you NOT felt lonely, even if no other people were around?

Discuss • For you, what are the benefits of being alone? • When you’re alone, how do you usually feel? • What do you do with this time?

Solitude • Solitude is typically something we choose for ourselves • In solitude, we make time to be with ourselves and to discover who we are • Solitude provides an opportunity for renewal • Through solitude we are able to examine our lives and gain a sense of perspective

Discuss • How can solitude be an avenue toward personal growth? • How can solitude provide us with the opportunity to gain a perspective on our lives?

Discuss • Think of relationships you have that are special to you. Do you ever feel alone even when you are with these special people? • Have you experienced being lonely in a crowd? What is this feeling like?

Loneliness • Often results from certain events in life such as: • Death of someone we love • The decision to leave a secure job for an unknown one • Moving to a new city • A long stay in a hospital • An experience of feeling set apart from others • Can indicate that we’ve failed to listen to our inner voice

Discuss • Think of a time in your life when you were particularly lonely. What was this like for you? • Did you experience loneliness as a child or an adolescent? If so, describe briefly what it was like for you, and mention how it may have an impact on you now.

Types of Loneliness • Transient loneliness • Brief feelings of loneliness when there is a disruption in one’s social network • Chronic loneliness • When people are unable to establish meaningful interpersonal relationships over a long period of time

Types of Loneliness • Everyday loneliness • The pain of being isolated from other people, which may be related to fears of intimacy, rejection, or shame • Existential loneliness • A profound sense of an unbridgeable gap that separates us from others, which is related to our awareness that each of us inhabits a world fully known only to ourselves

Discuss • How do some people create their own loneliness through shyness? What is shyness? How common a problem is it? • Has shyness ever been a problem in your life? If so, how have you attempted to cope with it?

Ways People Attempt to Escape from Facing Loneliness • Living an overscheduled life • Striving for perfect control of the environment • Surrounding ourselves with people • Becoming a slave to routine • Numbing ourselves with alcohol or drugs • Eating for emotional reasons • Spending many hours on the computer, watching T.V., playing video games

Discuss • What are some specific ways through which you escape loneliness, being alone, and experiencing solitude? What is the price of this escape? • Can you tolerate being alone, or do you find ways to escape encountering yourself? If you find it difficult to enjoy yourself, do you think others will too?

Exercise • Take the “shyness quiz” on page321 of your book.

Some Consequences of Shyness • Can make it difficult to communicate effectively and express oneself • Often holds people back from meeting new people • May result in feelings of depression, anxiety, and loneliness • Can hold people back in the progression of their educations or careers • Leads some individuals to develop a dependency on alcohol as a way to feel more relaxed and sociable

Loneliness and the Life Stages • CHILDHOOD • Loneliness is an inevitable part of life beginning in childhood • Reliving childhood experiences of loneliness can help adults come to grips with their present fears about being alone or lonely • ADOLESCENCE • Bodily changes, one’s search for identity, and the need to be accepted and liked may compound an adolescent’s feelings of loneliness • The price of nonconformity may be steep; Adolescents may feel all alone in the world

Loneliness and the Life Stages • YOUNG ADULTHOOD • How young adults come to terms with their own aloneness effects the choices they make—choices that, in turn, may determine the course of their lives • Life circumstances and cultural factors also pave the way to a lonely existence • MIDDLE AGE • Changes at midlife such as children leaving the nest can lead to feelings of emptiness and loss • Feeling dissatisfied with one’s career or life choices can exacerbate loneliness

Loneliness and the Life Stages • THE LATER YEARS • In a society that prizes productivity, youth, beauty, power, and vitality, older adults may feel they are not needed or valued anymore • Loneliness of the later years can be accentuated by the losses that come with age: • Loss of bodily functions • Loss of career or jobs • Loss of certain hobbies • Loss of friends and loved ones

Loneliness & Solitude