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A Guide To Relationships

L …. Is for the way you look at me O.. Is for the only one I see V.. Is very, very extraordinary E… Is even more than anyone that you adore. A Guide To Relationships. What is a Healthy Relationship?. Trust and Support Communication Shared Responsibility Economic Partnership

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A Guide To Relationships

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  1. L…. Is for the way you look at meO.. Is for the only one I seeV.. Is very, very extraordinaryE… Is even more than anyone that you adore

  2. A Guide To Relationships

  3. What is a Healthy Relationship? • Trust and Support • Communication • Shared Responsibility • Economic Partnership • Negotiation and Fairness • Safety • Honesty • Mutual/Separate Goals and Interests • Non-threatening behavior

  4. The Basic Rights in a Relationship The right to emotional supportThe right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesyThe right to have your own point of view, even if it differs from your partner'sThe right to have your feelings and experiences acknowledged as realThe right to live free form accusation and blameThe right to live free from emotional and physical threatThe right to live free from criticism and judgmentThe right to live free from angry outbursts and rageThe right to be respectfully asked, rather than ordered

  5. What is an Unhealthy Relationship? • Making then breaking promises; causing others to trust us and then betraying that trust • Attempting to change the other (and unwillingness to change the self) • Attacking the other when he/she is most vulnerable • Abusing others verbally or physically • Needing to win or be right • Resisting stubbornly or being set in one’s own way • Having difficulty admitting mistakes or saying “I’m sorry”

  6. What is Domestic Violence? When a partner / significant other, attempts to physically or psychologically dominate another. It can take the form of:Physical violence: hitting, punching, kicking, biting etc.Emotional abuse: constantly putting down, humiliating, embarrassing, frightening, threatening. etc. Isolating: Controlling contact with others, restricting freedom.Financial control: Fostering dependency, controlling money, property rights. “Outing” – threatening to “out” you. (Pandora’s Project,2001)

  7. Cycle of Violence • Do you break it or keep it going? Phase 2 = Tension Phase 1 = Loving Phase 3 = Violence

  8. Just The Facts • One out of four to one out of three same-sex relationships has experienced domestic violence. • One in every four heterosexual women experiences domestic violence in her lifetime. • Eight in ten college rapes involved someone the attacker knew, more than half involved a date. • In ten cities and two states alone, there were 3,524 incidents of domestic violence affecting LGBT individuals, (National Coalition of Anti-Violence LGBTQ Report) • Only 1-2% of reported assaults are suspected to be false, which is approximately the same rate for false reports for other crimes. (FBI statistics)

  9. Making The Love Last • Communicate Expectations • Focus on the “Haves”, not the “Have-nots” • Don’t make promises you can’t keep • Fight for each other not with each other • Allow your partner to have alone time if they need it. • Have a relationship based on truths rather than a relationship based on lies • Allow for transitions and invite growth • Use the art of apology and the power of forgiveness • “Be the change” you want to see

  10. Some Possible Reactions from Victims of Domestic Violence • Fear and anxiety • Re-experiencing the trauma • Increased arousal - jitters, shakes, etc. • Avoidance • Anger • Feelings of guilt and shame • Depression • Negative self image

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