Conflict as Opportunity - managing conflict and creating a healthy climate for the exchange of information and understanding
Mediation • serious staff conflicts • alternative to disciplinary action • “insider neutrals” • transferable skills
“At ISP we believe that conflict is neither good nor bad but natural. We seek to create an open community, climate and culture that is able to embrace diverse perspectives and approaches. We expect differences to be expressed respectfully and we intend for each member of our community to develop the ability to listen to, hear and acknowledge different points of view”.
Mediating serious interpersonal conflicts Creating a climate that deals openly with conflict Learning to become better at managing difficult conversations and crucial confrontations
Situations • When did I handle conflict well? • When did it go wrong?
Crucial Conversations Crucial Confrontations
Talking to colleagues about offensive behaviour • Critiquing a colleague’s work • Talking to a team member not keeping commitments • Talking to a colleague about a personal problem • Giving boss feedback about behaviour • Approaching boss who is breaking own principles
Challenging conversations: Why might it go wrong? - design fault?
Reason and Emotion Fight or Flight? The Amygdala
Difference is…………. - how you respond when things go wrong - how you handle difficult situations or conversations
Causes of Conflict . . . Assumption Appreciation Acknowledgement Respect Resources
Active Listening Being Heard Positions v Interests
Assuming that others do things because its in their make-up or they actually enjoy doing them and then ignoring any other potential motivational forces - is a mistake. • Psychologists classify this mistake as an attribution error. And because it happens so consistently across people, time and places, it is called the • Fundamental Attribution Error Crucial Conversations: Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler. 2002
Me v You • Situational v Dispositional
Successful communication - free flow of information Freely shared feelings, opinions, theories - even when controversial or unpopular Safe for everyone to add their meaning to the pool
Crucial Conversations: Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler. 2002
Dark waters? • Silence - disengagement, • avoidance, • hints, • sarcasm
Violence verbal attacks, discrediting others, subtle manipulation, getting others to mistrust
Learn to Look Monitor the pointers…………… Crucial Conversations: Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler. 2002
Step out of the issue • Check what aspect of safety is at risk - • mutual purpose? • mutual respect? Make it safe!
Fix it - • Apologise • Contrast to Clarify • Find and Commit to a mutual purpose • Return to the issue and brainstorm strategies Make it safe!
Monitor the pointers…………… Crucial Conversations: Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler. 2002
Find your bearings…………….. • Start with the Heart • Focus the Brain • Master My Stories
What do you really want to happen? • What do you fear might happen? • What emotions are you bringing to the dialogue? • - guilt? • - fear? • - anger?
Crucial Conversations: Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler. 2002 • Crucial Confrontations: Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler. 2005 • vitalsmarts.com • The Mediation Handbook; Beer, Stief.1997 • Mediation for Managers: John Crawley, Katherine Graham, www.conflictmanagementplus.com • The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook; Senge, Kleiner, Roberts, Ross and Smith. 1994