Angela Silis 20 Years on, Strategies that worked.

1. Angela Silis20 Years on, Strategies that worked. SENDIASS CONFERENCE31 October 2017 Property of Angela Silis, please do not reproduce.

2. Outline for the workshop • Introductions. • Strategies to promote development. • Strategies to develop independence skills. • Strategies to develop communication. • Strategies for preparing for future events. • Strategies for when things go wrong. • Strategies for secondary school • Strategies for teens • Strategies for positive mental health. • Thoughts for the future. Property of Angela Silis, please do not reproduce.

3. Introductions Housekeeping in the event of an emergency. Rules in the group. • phones on silent • supportive and sensitivity • Confidentiality • Non-judgemental Acknowledge: Parents are the experts on their own children. Raising children requires skill, persistence and determination. Children with ASC are complex, challenging, loving, funny and we want the best for them – it’s a given. Property of Angela Silis, please do not reproduce.

4. Introduction - Angela • PGD IAPT – Conduct Disorders – ASD – ADHD – Mental Health Difficulties. Parent/Child Play. • BA (HONS) Child and Youth Studies, Certified/Accredited Triple P and Incredible Years Practitioner. • ASD Specialist in LBB for over 17 years. • Consultant in Social Skills, Independence and Behavioural development. • Parent of • Twin boys with ASC – now 20 years old. • Legal Advisor /supporter at IPSEA and LBB SENDIASS • Various voluntary roles including Early Bird Parent Support Group Co-ordinator/Barnet NAS Fundraiser etc. Property of Angela Silis, please do not reproduce.

5. Strategies to promote development • Learn what motivates your child and use them to promote development. First / next. • Spend time playing with your child and let them take the lead when they want the time. Have fun, avoid making everything about education, fun is important and build’s the bond and respect which will be vital in the future. • Teach new skills using backward chaining, find the point of breakdown and use explicit teach to move forward using modelling, ask/say/do, praise etc.… Property of Angela Silis, please do not reproduce.

6. Strategies for developing independence skills • Have household rules and stick to them/put them on the wall to help you remember them – this helps children to get things right and gives you opportunities to praise. • Set a plan for different rooms in the house / different situations. • Break down learning into small chunks to promote success and self esteem – prepare for success. • Charts – help you to set targets and visualise progress. • Jigs – and visuals help with sequencing and building independence in tasks. • Rewards and consequences – have a range of rewards such as time together, tangible rewards etc. Consequences are no reward. • Offer choices to help children feel empowered and can support when language is a difficulty. • Be prepared that some learn new skills will come easier than others. Property of Angela Silis, please do not reproduce.

7. Strategies to develop communication • Use positive language, (do not don’t) say things in the order you want them happen. Children with ASC hate getting things wrong – and become disproportionately distressed so use positive language skilfully to get your message across and to reduce upset. • Be respectful, choose a good time to speak with your child. Always get their attention before speaking and allow them time to process what has been said and formulate a response. Set times to talk. • Use descriptive praise to tell your child what they did well and they will do it again – ignore what they didn’t do well and focus on the positive – praise effort, praise everything. • Modelling – model good manners, how to deal with emotions and disappointmentand apologise if you get it wrong – this is all modelling good communication. • Invest in spending time together, it will come back to you later. Property of Angela Silis, please do not reproduce.

8. Strategies preparing for future events. • Children with ASD struggle to predict the future and knowing what will happen and this makes them anxious and resistant to changes and new activities. • Prepare/foreworn children for everything, staying in / going out / visitors / cultural events and let them know what is expected from them. • Resources are verbal and picture timetable (repeated). Photos / IT/ Websites / Books / Magazines / Social stories / • Planning for activities…. Property of Angela Silis, please do not reproduce.

9. Strategies for planning activities • What is the activity / outing / event / visitors? • List the items that need planning/preparation. • Decide on rule and boundaries of the activity • Choose a motivators / reward. • Plan for success – use reminders, prompts, descriptive praise, distractions, ignore negative behaviour where possible focus on success. • Review the activitie – what went well / needs to change. Property of Angela Silis, please do not reproduce.

10. Strategies – when things go wrong • Stay Calm- be in the moment. • Use distraction to move on. • Find the positives in the situation. • Acknowledge the emotions in the situation. • Ignore negative behaviour if possible and intercept with a reward when behaviour changes. • Move on once over. • Damage limitation – learn from things going wrong – establish the point of breakdown and do things differently next time. • Remember, be good to yourself – don’t look for approval from on-lookers, stay positive and calm; be kind to your child and they will stop looking. Property of Angela Silis, please do not reproduce.

11. Strategies for Secondary School • Be prepared for the influences of peers and the things they share with each other. • All of the usual checks apply around bullying, sexual exploitation, etc. Keep a check of behaviour, be available and keep listening. • Help your child to understand and respect the opposite sex and be explicit about what is not acceptable in real life. • Social relationships may be different by about 5 years (Tony Attwood research). Help your child to understanding the complexities of groupings/ friendships. They may have untypical friends / animals / internet friends. They may be keen to be popular and be accepted but often don’t discriminate and can’t distinguish between positive friendships and toxic ones. Stay patient, give them time to develop their own identity and friendships. Property of Angela Silis, please do not reproduce.

12. Strategies for Teens All of the above still apply: Preparing for puberty If you have a respectful, trusting relationship prior to puberty, there’s no reason it should not continue. Nip it in the bud – don’t accept bad behaviour just because they are hormonal. Use exercise to manage behaviour. Discuss the impact of puberty/growing up with them and be available to let them speakto you or someone else. Let them be who they are, they are not going to be typical in all areas but maybe in some. Allow them to have privacy and encourage respect and privacy from themselves and others. • Continue to actively parent and use the strategies until you have something else to provide structure – they need you to stay the same - changing makes them anxious. • Remember their motivations and be prepared to add new ones to solicit co-operation and encouraging learning new skills and independence. • Think about how they are going to access money and what you get in return. Keep up the expectation they have to earn money and help them to manage money and understand about the world of work. Property of Angela Silis, please do not reproduce.

13. Strategies for positive mental health • Be mindful of mental health as an issue. • Be aware children become more sensitive to differences as they get older. • Let your child know that who they are is perfectly acceptable and we are all different. • Recognise that sometimes they want to find their own solutions and sometimes parents have to wait to be asked for help. • If your child starts to feel depressed seek help. Property of Angela Silis, please do not reproduce.

14. Thoughts for the future • As parents… • Be available but don’t assume they want you to fix things. • See the positives in your young people, don’t compare with others. • Remember if things are hard for you they are probably harder for them. • Be good to yourself – talk to other parents when you can, you are in good company Property of Angela Silis, please do not reproduce.