Revising Your Writing

1. Narrative Writing Unit Revising Your Writing Adding Dialogue Revising for Clarity Making Transitions Writing a Conclusion

2. Adding Dialogue

3. Review of Dialogue • As you wrote your story, did you remember that each speaker in your story inhabits his or her own paragraph? If you have forgotten this rule, you have a character clash! • Example: • Kelli said, "I want my band shirt back right now. You didn't have permission to borrow it." "No," said Paul, "but you didn't have permission to take my CD either, and I can see it on your desk." • The dialogue above should be written in the form of two paragraphs, as shown below: • Kelli said, "I want my band shirt back right now. You didn't have permission to borrow it." • "No," said Paul, "but you didn't have permission to take my CD either, and I can see it onyour desk."

4. Dialogue • Dialogue Tags tell us when a character is talking, and who is speaking. • Dialogue tags, like “he said” or “she whispered”, have two main purposes: 1. To tell the reader who is speaking. 2. Show the reader actions/mood occurring in the story.

5. Said is Dead!

6. Activity : Character Clashes 1. Count the speaking characters in your story. 2. Choose a highlighter or marker of a different color for each speaker (or if you're working on a computer, use different color fonts for each speaker). 3. With the first highlighter or marker, highlight the speech of the first character throughout your narrative. 4. Continue through your writing again for every additional speaker, using a different color for each one. 5. Now that you have color-coded each character's remarks, can you guess what you have if you see two or more colors in the same paragraph? That's right—a character clash! 6. Revise any character clashes by starting a new paragraph whenever the speaker changes.

7. Bring Your Rough Draft Tomorrow! Print it Double Spaced!

8. Revising For Clarity

9. Be Specific Being specific ensures that your reader understands the message you're trying to convey. When we speak, we use voice inflection and hand gestures to convey our points, but we don’t have this luxury when we write. Ex. My dog: could mean a pet or your friend.

10. Be Active • Be active. “Active voice” refers to the relationship between the subject and the verb of a sentence.  In an active sentence, the subject carries out the action of the verb: “Blake ate the burrito.” In passive sentences, however, the subject is acted upon by the verb: "The burrito was eaten by Blake” or "The burrito was eaten."

11. To Be or Not To Be • Don’t just be. Do! Verbs indicate the action and energy of your sentences. “To be” verbs, like was, is, and are, make your writing wordier. Active verbs add flavor to our sentences. Including active verbs shortens the sentences and makes them easier to understand. Ex: She was the tallest in the crowd. She towered over the crowd.

12. Be Positive Readers enjoy reading what is rather that what is not. In general, avoid using the word not when another word can replace it. Negative: “She did not think that studying algebra was a valuable way to spend the morning.” Positive: “She thought studying algebra was a waste of the morning.” 

13. Avoid Repetition. Sometimes writers strive for word counts rather than precision. Unfortunately, this rarely fools the reader.  While the impulse to write more seems reasonable, it often leads to repetitive, bland paragraphs. As you revise, look for words that restate sentiments.

14. Questions To Ask About Your Writing • Who is my audience? • What is my purpose in writing this? • What information have I included that does not relate to my topic? • What questions have I left unanswered in the body? • How does the body relate to the introduction? • Where is the writing dull or boring? • Where would examples, illustrations, or anecdotes clarify ideas or make a point?

15. Peer Revisions • You will receive one Post-it note for each person in your group. • One person at a time reads their rough draft aloud. • Answer the questions about your work. • Group members write one thing they liked, one thing that could be improved, and one question on their sticky notes, and give them to the author. • Each person in the group repeats this process.

16. Making Transitions

17. What is a transition? • Main Ideas: • Good writing presents and connects ideas in a clear, logical manner • When used APPROPRIATELY, transitions clarify connections for the reader • and make writing coherent • Effective transitions are more than just a list of words!

18. Types of Transitions • to show time - one day later... • to clarify cause and effect - as a result... • to show location - to the right... • to introduce examples - for example... • to add more information - in addition... • to contrast information - otherwise... • to conclude - in conclusion... • to compare - much like…

19. Get Into Your Revision Group! • Read each other's rough drafts (again!) • Readers identify any part of each rough draft that lacks clarity. • Readers should identify and circle all transitions. • After the rough drafts have been marked appropriately, each student will revise his or her essay for coherence. For confusing parts, the writer should ask if transitions would make it more clear. • For each transition the writer uses, he or she should ask if the meaning of the passage would be less clear without the transition. If the transition adds no clarity, it should be deleted.

20. Writing a Conclusion

21. Ways to End Your Story • A lesson learned: I guess I should have listened to my Mom when she said, "Don't smear blood on your legs and swim with sharks.” • Action: As the shark came closer, I corralled the obese adolescent, shoved him in the predator's path, and swam like heck to safety! • Dialogue: The angry parent cornered me and yelled, "You killed my son." I responded, "No ma'am, that shark killed your son." • Emotion: The horrified parents looked on as the shark chewed their son's knee cartilage. I drove away, relieved that it wasn't me. • Drawstring: I glanced over and noticed Franklin had a smirk on his face. He had done the same thing during a shark attack in New Zealand. We have held a secret respect for each other ever since. • Surprise: I opened the newspaper and read "Mass murderer eaten by shark." I couldn't believe that 12-year-old was a mass murderer. It looks like I'm a hero. • Quotation: Remember, "You don't have to be faster than the shark; you just have to be faster than the person you're swimming with."

22. Additional Tips • Read the rough draft. Find where it ends. Stop. Anything after it is unnecessary. • Before rewriting the conclusion, reread the introduction. Often an effective conclusion brings the reader full circle by tying together the beginning and the end.

23. Get Into Your Revision Group! • Reread your conclusion. Analyze what method of conclusion you used. • Write at least two different conclusions using two different methods. • In your group, analyze which is better for your story.

24. Your Final Draft is Due _______