Keeping Cool When Angry – Keeping Control in Conflict!

1. Judicial Affairs Education Session Series Keeping Cool When Angry – Keeping Control in Conflict!

2. What is Anger? Anger is normal – everyone gets angry from time to time Anger is a feeling. Anger can affect the way we act. Anger makes us feel emotional. Anger makes us act in certain ways based on what we have learned in the past. Anger can be connected to other emotions, like fear, frustration, hurt, pain, and helplessness. What is Anger Management? Problem-solving Not being a slave to your emotions Learning to identify the source of your anger and respond constructively. Learning how not to get angry very often or for very long Anger and other Definitions

3. Anger and other Definitions Fight or Flight What are the physical effects of anger? • your heart rate increases • your facial expressions change • your face might turn red • your breathing will change (speed up) • your muscles may feel tight • you might shake or feel numb • your voice may get louder

4. External Frustration Irritations Abuse Unfairness Internal Value Judgments Expectations Private Speech Tension/Stress Causes of Anger Have You Slept? Have you Eaten?

5. When does anger become a problem? • Too frequent • Too intense • Lasts too long • Leads to aggression • Disrupts work or relationships

6. Getting Angry? Gain and Maintain Control There is a symbiotic relationship between the physiological and the emotional effects of Anger Unravel the Fight of Flight Reaction

7. Getting Angry? Gain and Maintain Control Cool off and keep you cool • Stop and count to 10 before you say or do anything. • Leave the situation and take a "time out". • Control your breathing: breathe in for 5 counts through nose, exhale for 5 counts through mouth (repeat 3 times.) • Stretch to help relax your muscles to help you feel calmer. • Use imagery by visualizing a relaxing experience. • Return to the situation when you feel able to resolve things constructively.

8. Getting Angry? Gain and Maintain Control Assess what’s bugging you • Identify the source of your anger • Once you've identified the source you're more capable of managing your anger • Don’t be afraid of humility – the source might involve some internal factors.   • If anger is not recognized and managed it can continue to build and cause much distress.

9. Getting Angry? Gain and Maintain Control Resolve the source of your irritation • Commit to confronting your anger • Own your anger. It is yours to deal with. • Be careful not to blame others for your anger • Determine what you can and cannot control. • Try to communicate constructively. • Write it down. It helps organize thoughts and diminishes frustrations. • Do something you like while you think things through.

10. Tips for Navigating a Conflict - Be in Control Manage the situation and get what you want Remain Calm when you express your concerns. Why? • Avoid making them defensive • Increase the likelihood they will listen • Increase the likelihood they will remain calm as well • Decreases the likelihood they will misinterpret what you are saying

11. Tips for Navigating a Conflict - Be in Control Manage the situation and get what you want Be aware of your body language. Why? • Body language can send messages to others you are not aware of, can betray your feelings.

12. Tips for Navigating a Conflict - Be in Control Manage the situation and get what you want Don’t accuse – tell them how the problem is affecting you. Why? • By sticking to how you are affected, you will avoid saying anything personal about them. • Will disarm them if they are defensive • It is difficult to argue with a statement about how you are impacted.

13. Tips for Navigating a Conflict - Be in Control Manage the situation and get what you want Stick to the Facts – Beware of the Assumption trap! Why? • Assumptions are necessary, but recognize them for what they are • Don’t confuse them with conclusions • Most disputes/conflicts are bolstered by erroneous assumptions

14. Tips for Navigating a Conflict - Be in Control Manage the situation and get what you want If someone approaches you remain calm and relaxed, avoid becoming defensive. Why? • So you can maintain control and deescalate them • To avoid the action/reaction escalation that so often happens

15. Tips for Navigating a Conflict - Be in Control Manage the situation and get what you want Listen and let them know you are listening. Why? • Because most likely they are making assumptions about you • If you can unearth the assumptions and address them you might end the dispute. • Because maybe you did something to affect them and don’t know it How? • Reframe most effective de-escalation tool there is! • You don't have to agree, but let them know you understand their perspective.

16. Tips for Navigating a Conflict - Be in Control Manage the situation and get what you want If you feel yourself getting angry end it and talk another day. Why? • So you avoid losing control and falling into the escalation cycle.

17. For more information on Anger/Anger Management, or to speak to someone one-on-one about it, visit: The Centre for Student Development (CSD) McMaster University Student’s Centre Room B107 Phone: (905) 525-9140 ext. 24711Fax: (905) 528-3749Teletype: (905) 528-4307Email: csd@mcmaster.ca