Impacting Child and Adult Trauma in Domestic Violence Cases

1. Impacting Child and Adult Trauma in Domestic Violence Cases Janet Wagar MSW, RSW and Janie Christensen MSW, RSW www.exploringsolutionscounselling.com

2. BACKGROUND • For the past five years, Exploring Solutions provided a combination of individual, couple, and group counselling for families where domestic violence exists and Child Protective Services is involved. • TREATMENT PROGRAM CONSISTS OF: • 1assessment session with each adult and 1 with the family • 4 sessions in group and then a couple and family session • 6 sessions in group and then a couple and family session • 4 sessions in group and then a termination session with the couple and family • Individual sessions with family members will be on an “as need” basis • the psycho-educational programming was aimed at the development of a new understanding of the harmful effects of abuse and new tools for healing. • The primary focus of the treatment and this presentation is: to provide tools to reduce abusive behaviors; to recognize the impact of abuse on the children and adults involved and to reduce the long-term impact of the trauma each person experienced.

3. ABUSE CONTINUUM X__________________________________________________________________X Cold silent treatment Murder

4. a). Assessing risk and trauma on all levels b) Demonstrating to everyone it is necessary to address difficult issues. c) Developing meaningful safety plans d) Understanding the impact of trauma and providing healing tools e) Recommending the best therapeutic modality f) Providing support for change Involving all family members, including children, assists with:

5. Sources of Trauma in Domestic Violence Cases • Involvement with Child Protective Services • Historical Trauma – e.g. childhood, intergenerational • Domestic violence – e.g. one or more incidents/relationships • Loss of relationships- e.g. separation or death • Fear of the unknown- e.g. cognitive distortions such as “what if…” • Fear of being alone • Feelings of powerlessness, helplessness, failure • Development of traumatic bonding • Addictions – e.g. relationships, substances “Another chance for parents is sometimes not another chance for children!”

6. YOU, ME AND US

7. TREATMENT – benefits ATTENDING GROUP: • Provides an understanding of trauma in their lives • Allows for talking, listening and expressing feelings in healthy ways • Provides intentional exercise through which they process • Provides tools for dealing with powerful emotions like rage, trust, stress • Provides healthy tools for parenting and co-parenting • Allows for the rebuilding of relationship trust with partner and children • Provides an opportunity to talk about subjects otherwise avoided • Provides an environmentwhere couples can have respectful conversations • Provides information assisting in relationship decisions • Provides a place for healing the past and to access tools to move forward

8. What constitutes abuse! Committing to and toolbox for, change Understanding anger and stress Power, control and responsibility Communication Identifying and expressing feelings Beliefs, values, feelings, behaviors Addictions Impact of witnessing abuse, on children Re-living old trauma SESSION TOPICS HOW TRAUMA IS ADDRESSED! • Understanding the 'tool of abuse' and how to replace it • Family and relationship patterns, how to break the mould! • Learning what you control and how important it is. • Understanding your anger and using it ‘positively’ • “No deal, small deal, big deal” – how do you rate things? • -Managing emotions • -Identifying thoughts from facts • Separating emotion from problem solving

9. Money/basic necessities/resources Support systems Tips and tools for parenting Family of Origin Healthy relationships Loss, healing and moving forward Letting go of unhealthy strategies and practicing new one Empathy and boundaries Expectations, assumptions Relaxation SESSION TOPICS HOW TRAUMA IS ADDRESSED! • Learning to problem solve and make good decisions to strengthen self-control • Letting go of the past and moving on so you are not controlled by the past. • Brain involvement and triggers in conflict • Using logic rather than emotion to make decisions and move forward • Feeling stronger with new tools in your toolbox • Dealing with emotions such as depression and anxiety • Identifying past from present

10. Trauma based tools; • Recognize triggers from the past that impact the present • Rating issues rather than ‘over responding' to current events • Learning to identify and express thoughts, feelings and behaviors • Gainingtools to help move from “trauma” to “healing” • TRAUMA EXERCISE! • Understanding what healing means!

11. Addressing Children’sTraumaChildren depend on parents, therefore treating the parent is treating the child. • Children take cues from parents regarding: • seriousness of the situation • whetherabuse will reoccur • how to protect self and others • how to prevent abuse from happening • whetherabuse is traumatizing • how to manage emotions such as anger, stress, fear • whether to keep it a secret • who to reach out to for support or help! • whether children’s responses or feelings matter • how to resolve conflict/communicate “No one has ever made me feel safe! My mom used to but she is just as messed as dad now. Even the law is a joke.”

12. TOOLS TO HELP CHILDREN! • Being supportive on all levels (schools, community activities, therapy) • Helping to make sense of the situation • Identifying who is responsible and for what e.g. family exercise • Setting up protective factors • Providing tools to reduce anxiety, depression, fears • Help children separate emotions/ thoughts and behaviors • Learn what children have control over and what they do not • Sleep and relaxation tools • Address attitudes and responses to anger • Teach activities that promote healing e.g. pictures, writing, play • Help minimize cognitive distortions “More than anything I just needed someone to listen and you did. I just did not know what to do or where to turn.”

13. BUILDING "TRAUMA HEALING" INTO THE PROCESS For therapists • Recognizing each client decides on how and if they are traumatized and heal • Develop homework e.g. tools outside of sessions • Talking is great but sometimes too much talking is re-traumatizing • Knowing your own values and beliefs • Building a strong sense of self • Knowing how to manage your own fears and stresses • An awareness of expectations • Debriefing with colleagues regularly

14. Couples having completed this group programgenerally: • (a) stop being physically abusive • (b) are more aware of what constitutes abuse and work to prevent it! • (c) acknowledge the role of power and control in relationships • (d) have a greater awareness of how children are impacted • (e) have new tools to deal with stress and anger • (f) understand the need to regulate their emotions • (g) feel more confident using boundaries • (h) have more assurance in identifying and expressing their feelings • (i) have an understanding of some“healthy relationship components” • (j) acknowledge the role past trauma plays in present relationships • (k) can identify the necessity of healthy support systems • (l) have a better understanding of “healthy parenting”

15. IT IS IMPORTANT FOR CLIENTS TO • Repeat groups if necessary • Get socially connected to others rather than be alone • Continue to enhance their parenting skills • Have an individual and family schedule/routine to reduce chaos • Post a list of house rules and consequences to provide consistency • Try not to stay stuck in feelings; move forward with logic • Learn to Have fun: Get active: Get sleep: Eat healthy • Understand that healing is a long-term process • Monitorthe use of destructive behaviours • Manage emotions e.g. anger, stress, anxiety, depression • Share the load and work as a team in relationships