Emotional Development

1. Emotional Development From 4 - 12

2. General Emotional Patterns • Four, five, and six-year olds face many changes. School takes children away from their home and into a new environment that they share with unfamiliar adults and large groups of children. In addition, children of this age begin to assume more responsibility and become aware that they have left babyhood forever.

3. Four year olds • Assert independence (can wash and dress themselves) • More self-centered, impatient, defiant and boastful • Argue and compete • Bossier • Unusually loving and affectionate • Need and seek parent approval • Enjoy when people laugh at their jokes but dislike when people laugh at their mistakes

4. Four year olds • Most four-year-olds are in a rather difficult phase of normal emotional development. • You can help children of this age by respecting their need to explore and test themselves. Avoid treating four-year-old like toddlers. Try to use flexible rules when guiding behavior.

5. Five year olds • Quieter period • Practical, sympathetic, and serious • Improved attention span • Better memory • Increasingly realistic (more likely to tell the truth) • Can carry on real discussions and ask meaningful questions • Conform to rules more easily • More patient, generous, persistent, and conscientious

6. Five year olds Five Year Old on Marriage

7. Six year olds • Stubborn and quarrelsome • Resent directions and think they know everything • Think they are the centre of the universe • Moody • Can appreciate humorous situations and jokes • Example of six year old humor and behavior: Brandt Bickford

8. Six year olds • It is easy to understand why six is a difficult age for children. They are faced with the task of finding their status outside the home. It’s also a time when children long to feel grown-up--but often feel small and dependent. Six-year-olds crave praise and approval. They are easily hurt and discouraged.

9. Emotional Changes • As children go through changes in intellectual and physical development they may change the way they feel about themselves. While emotional development has characteristics at each age, a child’s own temperament also makes a difference.

10. Middle Childhood • Age Seven • Withdrawn and Quiet • Worry a great deal about all kinds of issues • Age Eight • Direct attention outwards • Willing to explore and curious about new things • Lively, active and dramatic

11. Middle Childhood • Age Nine • Harsh about their own failings, maybe even embarrassed • May be absorbed with their own thoughts • Age Ten • More positive and happy

12. Early Adolescence • The release of hormones into the body causes the physical changes of puberty. These hormones also bring about emotional changes. Young teens can move from happiness to anger, frustration, or sadness in minutes. These mood swings can just as easily swing in the opposite direction.

13. Early Adolescence • Very absorbed in own thoughts and concerns • Pay little attention to others--except for peers • Peers extremely important • Crave acceptance • Hide true feelings (sign of growing emotional control)

14. Emotional Development Specific Emotions

15. Specific Emotions • During the years from four to six, children need help recognizing their emotions. Caregivers should accept and help children identify all the emotions they experience.

16. Affection • What happens to a child who is deprived of affection? According to some studies, areas of the brain where feelings of emotional closeness originate may not develop. Such reports confirm what many parents and professionals have always known. Children need affection, especially during the early years.

17. Affection • Teach a child not only to show affection, but also how to show it. Some cultures hug. Other cultures might kiss. Children learn acceptable signs of affection for different situations. Parents and caregivers need to show positive expressions of love: hugs, kisses, praise, and kind deeds and words.

18. Jealousy • Jealousy is a typical emotion for children. They appreciate only their own need for attention and don’t want anything to interfere. • Children may be jealous of peers who appear more capable, more popular, or more privileged. They may grow possessive of friendships, protesting if a friend plays with another child.

19. Jealousy • As parents and caregivers help children deal with inequalities in life, jealousy is less likely. Children need to see that, each person in unique and equally valuable. By showing appreciation for the talents and contributions of all people, parents promote a spirit of generosity rather than jealousy.

20. Anger • How children express anger changes more during childhood than any other emotion. Young children show anger freely with no effort to restrain themselves. As children grow, they use more subtle means of expressing their anger:

21. Anger • Four-year-olds: may still show anger by physically fighting. Their anger lasts longer than before. They often threaten and attempt to “get even”. • Five-year-olds: More likely to hurt feelings than bodies. • Six-year-olds: Can become more hurtful with words. They tease, insult, nag and make fun of others.

22. FREQUENCY DECREASES while EFFECTS OF ANGER INCREASES; However, TOLERANCE FOR FRUSTRATION INCREASES. ie. Children will not get frustrated as easily and will have less tantrums but they may be more extreme.

23. Anger • As they leave early childhood, children gain greater ability to control their emotions. However, even ten-year-olds, who are typically quite happy, show anger. When they do, though, it usually passes quickly. • The moodiness of young teens means that anger can erupt at anytime. These outbursts usually boil over and go away. The young teen may slam a door or noisily leave a room. Soon the situation will be back to normal.

24. Anger • By middle childhood, children generally know to use words to show anger. Sometimes, though, a child lashes out with aggressive actions. It is important to avoid responding the same way. • Setting a good example is the best method of teaching a child. In addition, caregivers can try these approaches:

25. Anger • Teach the child how to gain self control. • Time-outs, counting to ten, or breathing deeply are all ways of helping children learn to calm down. • Help the child learn how to resolve conflicts without fighting • Working through problems at home--say with other siblings--can give a child the tools to settle conflicts at school. • Use rewards for controlling anger • The reward reinforces the value of self-control.

26. Fear • Children from four to six have a well-developed imagination and many of their fears center on imaginary dangers. They may be afraid of ghosts, robbers, kidnappers or vampires. Sensitive and insecure children are especially prone to fears. Many children of this age are afraid of the dark while some may worry about being left alone or abandoned.

27. Fears • Many children fear school. Some are afraid to be leaving the security of home. Others may fear a bully or a teacher.

28. Fear You can help children overcome these fears in three ways: • Accept the fear • Have someone older who listens and understands can greatly help a fearful child. Don’t just say that what the child fears doesn’t exist. It’s very real to the child. • Let the child express the fear without ridicule • If they worry that they will be made fun of, children may not show their other fears openly. • Help the child feel able to face the fear • Use talking and acting out to help the child learn to face the fearful situation.

29. Fear • Seven-year-olds may still fear some of the things they feared in early childhood (such as the dark). This can lead, with some, problems going to sleep. Leaving a light on at night can help relieve this fear.

30. Fear • By age 10, these childhood fears may have often disappeared. As childhood fears disappear, new worries may emerge. News reports of violent crimes or fatal car accidents or natural disasters lead some young teens to worry about these problems striking them or their families. They need to be reassured that caregivers will take all the steps necessary to protect them.

31. Emotional development Personality, Self-Esteem & Independence

32. Influencing Personality • Through the emotions and behaviours a child displays, we begin to see his or her personality. • Some children display behaviours similar to those of parents or caregivers (i.e. I am quiet like my dad or I am outgoing like my aunt). These are called inherited traits.

33. Influencing Personality • Inherited traits can be emphasized or changed depending on what happens to a child in life. In other words, it is the environment a child is exposed to that determines the child’s personality trait. • If a parent or caregiver emphasizes positive traits and encourages the child to do the same, the child will develop a positive personality, positive emotions and be able to handle negative emotions as well.

34. Influencing Personality • There is no clear answer as to whether heredity (inherited traits) or environment is more influential in determining personality.

35. Promoting Self-Esteem • Children need to believe they are capable in order to try. Only when they try, can they eventually succeed. Parents who help children believe in themselves raise children who can accomplish things, some times even great things.

36. Promoting Self-Esteem • Some research now shows, however, that people who think too highly of themselves may develop problem behaviours. For one thing, they may become aggressive when someone criticizes them. After all, if a person thinks that everything he does should be admired, he won’t be pleased when admiration doesn’t come.

37. Promoting Self-Esteem • What does this research say about building a child’s sense of self-worth? Building self-esteem, the way people feel about themselves, has been promoted by authorities for a long time. Has that idea changed? With a common-sense approach, building self-esteem is still worthwhile in parenting.

38. Promoting Self-Esteem • A good sense of self-esteem promotes emotional health. Building self-esteem is an essential part of parenting. However, if adults build self-esteem in a child by overdoing the message that “you’re the best”, high self-esteem may not bring positive results.

39. What can parents do? • Find the balance between promoting self-esteem and promoting self-centeredness. • Focus on the other traits too • Self-esteem must function within the framework of other important qualities. Without love, understanding, caring, compassion, humility, respect, self-control, responsibility and other positive traits, high self-esteem can backfire.

40. What can parents do? • Offer praise appropriately • When handled carefully, praise and admiration are useful. These principles should be kept in mind. • Keep praise under control • Too much praise builds conceit • Praise that is overdone sounds insincere • Mean what you say • Honest statements are best

41. What can parents do? • Correct Misbehavior • Avoiding appropriate discipline techniques is a serious mistake. Parents need to learn how to guide behavior appropriately and then do so. A child who thinks he or she is above the rules won’t learn how to behave responsibly.

42. What can parents do? • Be Accepting • Parents can correct inappropriate behavior and still show acceptance of the child. Parents who accept a child’s personality, abilities, appearance, and gender provide a solid core for developing self-esteem. Feeling loved “as is” gives children a sense of security. • A parent must clearly communicate, “I love you no matter what, but you owe it to yourself to be your best. Not THE best – YOUR best”. This message reinforces a child’s sense of worth.

43. What can parents do? • Stay Involved • Parents foster self-esteem by taking interest in the child’s life and activities. Parents have chances everyday in a child’s life. They might go to music recitals, take walks together, go on outings, or attend parent teacher interviews. These actions show children that they are worth a parent’s time, effort, and attention.

44. What can parents do? • Teach Empathy • Empathy is the ability to understand another’s feelings. Those who acquire this trait don’t focus on themselves at the expense of others. • To encourage empathy, parents need to remind young children that others have feelings like their own. Praise should follow generous and supportive acts. A child’s harmful actions should bring explanation. • Criticism must be sparing and constructive, used only to teach and not to hurt. Calling children “mean” doesn’t show them how to be kind. Children learn to be empathetic when they see adults practicing the trait. • They learn to believe that they are worthwhile beings, just as others are. That’s what real self-esteem is all about.

45. Aiming for Independence • Emotionally healthy children are eager to become independent. Growing up, however, can be overwhelming at times. Children may briefly slip back into old ways, taking “breathers” on the road to maturity. Understanding parents encourage a child’s efforts without pushing too fast.

46. Stage of Independence • The steps taken toward independence are sometimes predictable – and sometimes not. Children progress at a different rates. A child may seem utterly helpless one day and remarkably competent the next. School-age children have mastered most personal care skills. Their feelings of independence come from physical feats – riding a bicycle or running races – and success in school activities. Lack of success can lead to feelings of inferiority, especially as children in school compare their abilities to those of classmates. If parents show concern, the sense of failure deepens.

47. Encouraging Independence • The drive for independence is natural yet independence doesn’t come naturally. Parents promote independence by creating an environment that encourages a child to practice skills and try new things. • The process is a growth experience for parents as well. In teaching children to overcome a lifelong habit of dependence parents themselves must overcome an equally long habit of authority. Children only learn responsibility as parents gradually let them assume it.

48. Leading a child Getting “bigger” is the dream of every child. They yearn to do things on their own, to be independent. Step-by-step, parents lead children toward their dream, using ideas like the ones suggested here. • Designed for success • A child needs an environment where success is possible. You can provide age-appropriate toys and low shelves for storage. Choose clothing and equipment that promotes self-dressing and self-feeding.

49. Leading a child • I can do it! • Children are eager to try. Teach them the skills they need, but let them practice and learn on their own. You can say “Try holding the crayon like this” or “I’ll make the front part of the B and you can draw the straight back”. • Patience counts • What’s easy for you can be difficult for a child. Resist the urge to do things for the child. Allow time for dressing, eating, and bathing to give the child a chance for success

50. Leading a child • What do you think? • Asking children for their opinion encourages them to reason and solve problems. You could say “Where does this puzzle piece go?” or “Which goes on first, your shoes or your pants?” • You can do it! • When you believe in children, they learn to believe in themselves. Instead of criticizing failure, slowness, or clumsiness, tell them what a good effort they made. Whether successful or not, the child can be instilled with a spirit to “try and try again”.