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Triangulation in the School Counseling Setting

Triangle?? More Like an Octagon! . Triangulation in the School Counseling Setting. Shannon Lynch Williams, M.Ed., LPC, NCC Doctoral Candidate: Sam Houston State University, Huntsville, TX Private Practice Clinician: The Woodlands, TX, & Trinity, TX Stacy Hall, M.Ed., LPC-Intern, NCC

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Triangulation in the School Counseling Setting

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  1. Triangle?? More Like an Octagon! Triangulation in the School Counseling Setting Shannon Lynch Williams, M.Ed., LPC, NCC Doctoral Candidate: Sam Houston State University, Huntsville, TX Private Practice Clinician: The Woodlands, TX, & Trinity, TX Stacy Hall, M.Ed., LPC-Intern, NCC Doctoral Candidate: Sam Houston State University, Huntsville, TX School Counselor: Conroe ISD, Conroe, TX Clinical Therapist: The Woodlands Eating Disorders Clinic, The Woodlands, TX

  2. Look at the symbols/shapes posted on the walls.Stand beside the one with which you most identify.

  3. This session’s… Primary audience Objectives To discuss basic principles of family systems theories To identify situations in which school counselors might become triangulated with others To identify policies and procedures that help school counselors manage their roles in triangles To gain mediation and conflict-resolution skills • School counselors • Directors of Counseling • LSSPs

  4. School Counselors… • …are often sought out by parents, teachers, and school administrators to help students with home and school problems. • …may unintentionally allow themselves to become triangulated, especially when the other two parties are in disagreement about how to help students.

  5. What is Triangulation? A Y X The smallest relationship unit Bowen’s Family Systems Theory

  6. Balanced/Congruent Triangles…

  7. Unbalanced/Incongruent Triangles…

  8. RULES OF CONGRUENCE

  9. The 3rd party can choose to either (a) join with one of the others… A Y X The smallest relationship unit

  10. …completely withdraw… A Y X The smallest relationship unit

  11. …or remain an objective outside observer. A Y X The smallest relationship unit

  12. Karpman’sDrama Triangle Karpman’s Drama Triangle

  13. VICTIM: “Culture of My Victimhood”(Tune: “Oh Suzannah”) Others just don’t understand how hard it’s been for me, And that is why I don’t take on responsibility. I work so hard to blame my past for everything I do, And if you dare to say I’m wrong, I’ll blame it all on you! I like to whine, I like to moan and just be in the pit, But if I do not get my way, I’ll throw a hissy-fit! CHORUS: That’s my story, don’t try to change my mind, For the culture of my victimhood suits me very fine! Watts, R. E. (1996). Some contemporary rational emotive behavior therapy songs. Journal of Humanistic Education and Development, 35, 117-119.

  14. PERSECUTOR: “Low Frustration Tolerance”(Tune: “My Bonnie Lies over the Ocean”) • Oh, I want quick gratification. • I can’t stand to wait or delay. • And if there’s a question in your mind, • You’d better let me have my way! • Don’t ask me to tolerate frustration. • It’s not something that I do well. • I want what I want when I want it. • If it’s not forthcoming, IT’S HELL! Chorus: Give me, give me, oh, give me what I want right now…or else! Give me, give me, oh, give me what I want RIGHT NOW! Watts, R. E. (1996). Some contemporary rational emotive behavior therapy songs. Journal of Humanistic Education and Development, 35, 117-119.

  15. RESCUER: “Oh, Say Can You See Who I Am”(Tune: “Stars and Stripes Forever”) Oh, say, can you see who I am? I’m the one that the universe runs for. The gods that you worship are shams When compared to the great I AM! I act like a battering ram Just to prove I’m a mover and a shaker! But beneath you can see who I am— A woebegotten, scheming, plottin’, Rotten faker! By Albert Ellis

  16. Look underneath your chair. If you have a YELLOW piece of paper taped to the bottom, remove it and bring it with you to the front of the room.

  17. SECONDARY TRIANGULATIONLook underneath your chair. If you have a RED piece of paper taped to the bottom, remove it and bring it with you to the front of the room.

  18. With whom might a school counselor become triangulated in the school setting?

  19. “We become what we repeatedly do.” –Sean Covey • Members can RE-ENACT patterns of interaction from their home environments in school settings. • Members bring the conflict resolution styles that they use at home to school. Bronfenbrenner’s Socio-Ecological Systems Theory

  20. “Members” Include…

  21. However, FOR NONE are the two systems the same due to…

  22. Conflict Resolution Styles What’s yours?

  23. Conflict Resolution Styles

  24. Your primary role in triangles?

  25. Empirical research links problematic family triangles to child and adolescent problems in the areas of… Bronfenbrenner’s Socio-Ecological Systems Theory

  26. Keep in mind… • Some children develop relationships with teachers/other school personnel that resemble those with their parents/caregivers in degrees of WARMTH, CLOSENESS, and ATTACHMENT. Bronfenbrenner’s Socio-Ecological Systems Theory

  27. Personal Boundaries… • Delineate where “I end and you begin” • Protect your time, emotions, energy, values, relationships • Clarify acceptable/ unacceptable behaviors from others (See handout: “Rules of Boundaries”) Minuchin’s Structural Family System

  28. Children fare best when boundaries between (and within) systems are clearly defined. Bronfenbrenner’s Socio-Ecological Systems Theory

  29. Regarding students & parents… Professional school counselors… • A.1.a. “…have a primary obligation to the students…” • B.1.a. “…respectthe rights and responsibilities of parents/guardiansfor their children and endeavor to establish, as appropriate, a collaborative relationship with parents/guardians to facilitate students’ maximum development.” American School Counselor Association (2010) Ethical Standards for School Counselors

  30. School counselor facilitates movement toward a common ground by… Client Client

  31. School counselor facilitates movement toward a common ground by… Client Client

  32. Regarding clients and school personnel… Professional school counselors… • C.1.a. “…establish and maintain professional relationships with faculty, staff and administration to facilitate an optimum counseling program.” • C.2.e. “…recognizethe powerful role of ally that faculty and administration…can play in supporting students in stress, and carefully filter confidential information to give these allies what they “need to know” in order to advantage the student.” American School Counselor Association (2010) Ethical Standards for School Counselors

  33. School counselor facilitates movement toward a common ground by… School Personnel Client

  34. School counselor facilitates movement toward a common ground by… School Personnel Client

  35. School counselor facilitates movement toward a common ground by… School Personnel Client

  36. School counselor facilitates movement toward a common ground by… School Personnel Client

  37. Regarding school personnel… Professional school counselors… • C.1.b. “…treat colleagues withprofessional respect, courtesy and fairness.” • E.1.b. “…work to develop relationships with all faculty and staff in order to advantage students.” American School Counselor Association (2010) Ethical Standards for School Counselors

  38. School counselor facilitates movement toward a common ground by… School Personnel School Personnel

  39. School counselor facilitates movement toward a common ground by… School Personnel School Personnel

  40. REGARDING STUDENTS Counselors remain mindful that… • Our primary responsibilities are to our students. Counselors attempt to… • Help students learn how to appropriately assert their voices to others. Counselors remember that… • Rescuing students does not equate with helping them.

  41. REGARDING PARENTS Counselors remain mindful that… • Parents often did not have ideal school experiences when they were students. Counselors attempt to… • Help parents feel at ease. Counselors remember that… • Parents are experts of their families.

  42. REGARDING TEACHERS Counselors remain mindful that… • Unlike many teachers, counselors have access to both family and school systems. Counselors attempt to… • Avoid blame and judgment. Counselors remember that… • Just like students and parents, teachers can be scapegoated, too.

  43. REGARDING ADMINISTRATORS Counselors remain mindful that… • Administrators approach both students and education from different mindsets, which stem from their training. Counselors attempt to… • Inform administrators about the ‘whats’ and the ‘whys’ of their work with students. Counselors remember that… • Administrators want to see students succeed, also.

  44. Regarding the school counselor.. Professional school counselors… • E.1.a. “…function within the boundaries of individual professional competence and accept responsibility for the consequences of their actions.” • E.1.b. “…monitoremotional and physical health andpractice wellness to ensure optimal effectiveness.” American School Counselor Association (2010) Ethical Standards for School Counselors

  45. Boundaries for School Counselors… Personal Professional • Delineate where “I end and you begin” • Protect your time, emotions, energy, values, relationships • Clarify acceptable/ unacceptable behaviors from others • Delineate where “I end and others begin” • Protect your time, emotions, energy, values, relationships • Clarify acceptable/ unacceptable interactions with others

  46. REGARDING THEMSELVES Counselors remain mindful of… • Their own conflict resolution styles, parenting styles, and primary roles in triangles. Counselors attempt to… • Remain objective and to join with both parties. Counselors remember that… • They cannot be effective if they, themselves, are not physically and emotionally well.

  47. Role-Play Activities

  48. Questions? Feedback? Shannon Lynch-Williams, M.Ed., LPC, NCC Sam Houston State University Phone: 409-283-1974 Email: slw024@shsu.edu Stacy Hall, M.Ed., LPC-Intern, NCC Sam Houston State University/Conroe ISD Phone: 832-526-0620 Email: srb012@shsu.edu ADDITIONAL HANDOUTS: www.shannonlynchwilliams.com

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