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Biblical Sexuality: Principles for a Pure and Holy Marriage

Learn about the biblical principles of sexuality within marriage, including the purity and holiness of sex, the importance of giving and satisfying your spouse, and the regularity and pleasure of sexual relations. Discover how sex in marriage can be an act of worship for God's glory.

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Biblical Sexuality: Principles for a Pure and Holy Marriage

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  1. Biblical Counselor Training Class Lesson 13: Biblical Sexuality & Sexual Sin

  2. XVI. Biblical Sexuality

  3. A. Principle #1 – Sex in marriage is pure and holy • It was created by God before sin entered the world (Gen. 1:28, 2:24-25) • It was still called honorable after sin had entered the world (Prov. 5:18-19, Heb. 13:4) • God created sex to be an honorable thing that a husband and wife can enjoy within the context of their marriage. In fact, since physical intimacy is created by God and commanded by God, it is an act of worship which husbands and wives should do for God’s glory.

  4. A. Principle #1 – Sex in marriage is pure and holy • A test: Do you view sexual relations in marriage to be as holy as: • Praying • reading the Bible • preaching • giving • teaching a Sunday school class • Since sexual relations are holy and are an act of worship, they are just as righteous as any of the above activities

  5. B. Principle #2 – Sex is not the basis for marriage. Marriage is not first and foremost a physical union • While sex is part of marriage, sex does not equal marriage. A man who has sexual relations with a harlot (1 Cor. 6) may become “one flesh” with her physically in the encounter, but clearly they are by no means married • Unity in marriage is much more than just sexual relations (see the 7 purposes of marriage in “The Biblical Basis for Marriage”)

  6. C. Principle #3 – The primary goal of the sexual relationship is giving – providing sexual satisfaction for your spouse • 1 Corinthians 7:3 • The context – Paul is responding to a question the Corinthians asked • The word “fulfill” – a command to “give fully, completely, without reluctance, hesitation, or inhibition” • The word “duty” – a duty “with the idea of doing good to the other person” • The command is the same for both husbands and wives

  7. C. Principle #3 – The primary goal of the sexual relationship is giving – providing sexual satisfaction for your spouse • This is taught by the definition of biblical love – “giving” • Biblical love is about giving, not about being selfish (1 Cor. 13:4-5, cf. 1 John 3:16) • Giving with the intention of getting is selfish • The greatest pleasure is in giving (Acts 20:35). Pursuing that pleasure through giving is not selfish but is instead part of the joy that comes when one chooses to serve God and honor Him. • How do you know what pleases your spouse? – You must talk about it! – Communication is the key

  8. D. Principle #4 – God has created both husband and wife with equal ability to satisfy each other (1 Cor 7:4) • The word “authority” – means control – in the area of intimacy, the husband has the “control” over his wife’s body such that he can please her. Likewise, the wife has the “control” over her husband’s body such that she can please him. • Both husband and wife have the same command. The wife, as well as the husband, should seek to initiate the pleasing of each other • But don’t husbands and wives have different levels of sexual desire? • God’s word teaches you to sexually satisfy your mate, not focusing on your own level of desire • To refuse to consistently use your body to satisfy your mate is really rebellion against what God has said • Sexual relationships are to be equal and reciprocal

  9. E. Principle #5 - Sexual relations are to be regular and continuous (1 Cor 7:5) • “depriving” – this refers to a failure to “fulfill duty” for selfish reasons • Abstinence is by mutual consent • Guidelines for refraining: • Both must agree • For a specific period of time • For a spiritual purpose • The frequency of sexual relations • Enough to satisfy each other (1 Cor. 7:4, Prov. 5:19) • Enough to avoid temptation (1 Cor. 7:5) • But considerate, preferring each other (Phil. 2:3-4)

  10. E. Principle #5 - Sexual relations are to be regular and continuous (1 Cor 7:5) • Limitations on sexual activity – what can a couple do or not do? • Do not violate biblical commands • Unselfish love must be the motive (1 Cor. 13:4-7) • Must be based on mutual agreement (Phil. 2:1-4) • Follow the principle of mutual submission (Eph. 5:21, Phil. 2:1-4) • Do not cause your spouse to violate his/her conscience (Rom. 14:23)

  11. F. Principle #6 – Pleasure in sex is not sinful and forbidden but is rather assured and encouraged (Prov 5:18-19) • Delight in the person • “wife” (although the principle applies to either mate) • “loving hind and graceful doe” – this is a picture of the pleasantness of your mate • Delight in the sexual relationship • the context makes it clear that this is restricted to marriage • “satisfy” – has the idea of thirst being quenched – being completely satisfied • “exhilarated” – literally, “intoxicated” – overwhelmed with satisfaction • 1 Cor. 7:3-4 – each is to provide this type of satisfaction to each other – it is to be considered a delightful task

  12. XVII. Sexual Sin

  13. A. The Bible and Sexual Sin • Verses • 1 Corinthians 6:18 • Galatians 5:19-21 • Ephesians 5:3-5 • Colossians 3:5-6 • 1 Thessalonians 4:3 • Examples • Tamar – Genesis 38:1-24 • David – 2 Samuel 11 • Solomon – 1 Kings 11:3

  14. B. Types of Sexual Sin • Adultery (Lev. 20:10, Heb. 13:4, Prov. 6:30-35) • Immorality or Fornication (1 Cor. 6:15, Deut. 22:21, 23:17) • Homosexuality (Gen. 19:1-29, Rom. 1:24-32) • Incest (Lev. 18:6-17, 20:14, • Bestiality (Ex. 22:19, Lev. 18:23) • Mental Immorality (Voyeurism, Pornography, Masturbation) – (1 Cor. 6:9, Phil. 2:3) • Exhibitionism (Gen. 9:22) • Sexual Child Abuse (Deut. 22:24) • Rape (Deut. 22:24, Judges 19:24, 20:3-4, 12) • Prostitution (Lev. 19:29, 20:5-6, 1 Cor. 6:9) • Transvestitism and Transsexualism (Deut. 22:5)

  15. C. Definition of Sexual Sin • A selfish, idolatrous desire to gratify self by engaging in thoughts, words, or actions of a sexual nature that God has forbidden

  16. D. Biblical View of Sex • Sex was created by God and is therefore pure and holy within marriage (Gen. 1:27, 31, 2:18, 21-23, Heb. 13:4) • Sex is not the basis for marriage, but it is a key element of marriage (1 Cor. 7:3-5) • The primary goal of the sexual relationship is giving – providing satisfaction for the spouse (1 Cor 7:3-5, Prov. 5:18)

  17. D. Biblical View of Sex • Each husband and wife has a God-given ability and duty to satisfy his or her spouse (1 Cor. 7:3-4) • God encourages the pleasure of sex in marriage, not just the procreative aspect (Prov. 5:18-19, Song. 4 & 7, 1 Cor. 7:3-4) • Sexual relations are to be regular and reciprocal (1 Cor. 7:5)

  18. E. Principles for Dealing with Sexual Sin • Recognize that sexual sin does not satisfy (Prov. 5:3-6, 6:24-29, 7:18, 21) • Confess the sin to God and seek His forgiveness (1 John 1:9) • Confess the sin to anyone sinned against and seek their forgiveness (Luke 17:3-4) • Repent (Rom. 12:1-2, Eph. 4:22-24) • Apply the principle of radical amputation (Matt. 5:29-30, Rom. 13:14)

  19. E. Principles for Dealing with Sexual Sin • Deal with the lusts, lies, and idols of the heart (James 1:14-15, Rom. 1:18ff) • Replace sinful lust with a biblical view of love and sex • Study the character of God – especially His omnipresence and omniscience (Prov. 5:21) • Establish accountability relationships (Heb. 3:12-13, Prov. 27:17, Ecc. 4:9-10, James 5:16) • Be active in serving and ministering to others (Eph. 4:12-13) • Establish a specific plan for dealing with temptation

  20. F. Specific Areas for Biblical Study • The goal in life (1 Thes. 4:3, 2 Cor. 5:9, 1 Cor. 10:31) • Self-control (1 Tim. 4:7-8, Rom. 6:12, 1 Thes. 4:4) • Relationships (1 Thes. 4:6, Rom. 16:17-18, Phil. 2:3-4) • Thought life (Prov. 4:23, Rom. 12:1-2, Phil. 4:8) • Eye control (Job 31:1, Prov. 4:25, Ps. 101:3, Matt. 6:22-23)

  21. F. Specific Areas for Biblical Study • Influence of friends (Prov. 5:9-11, 13:20-21, 22:24-25, 27:17, 1 Cor. 15:33) • Circumstance control (Rom. 13:14, 1 Thes. 5:22, 2 Tim. 2:22)

  22. G. Resources • Josh Harris, Sex is Not the Problem, Lust Is (formerly titled, Not Even a Hint) • Steve Gallagher, At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry • Steve Gallagher, A Biblical Guide to Counseling the Sexual Addict • Steve Gallagher, The Walk of Repentance • Mike Cleveland, Pure Freedom: Breaking the Addiction to Pornography • Robert Daniels, The War Within: Gaining Victory in the Battle for Sexual Purity • Ed Wheat, Intended for Pleasure • CCEF booklets

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