Equality Training

1. Equality Training Presented By: FairTalk

2. Who we are • Grass-roots organization based in Bloomington, but expanding with chapters in communities and on campuses throughout the state • Formed in May, 2011, with 10 people on the organizing committee • Focus on 3 strategies to support conversations about marriage equality • Social networking media and Website • Trainings and workshops • Direct community engagement and education

3. Why we’re here • Our Mission: To foster discussions in diversity to promote fairness for all people regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression. • Our Vision: A world in which equal rights for all are inherent. • Values: FairTalk is committed to advancing social justice for LGBTQ individuals by encouraging respectful conversations between people and within communities.

4. Ultimate goals • Defeat House Joint Resolution 6 that would write relationship discrimination into the Bill of Rights of the Indiana Constitution • Overturn the existing law banning marriage for same-sex couples • Ratify a law establishing full relationship equality in Indiana • Move on to the next fairness issue facing LGBTQ Hoosiers • Do this by getting people to: • Vote “NO” on HJR-6 • Talk to their social circles and get their people to vote “NO”

5. strategies • Website and Social Networking Media (www.fair-talk.org) • Provide educational resources on the issue • Provide links to downloadable videos and audio files • Provide talking points, perspectives through blogs • Provide a space to network with other interested people • Provide workshops to help people become more confident in having conversations • Direct community engagement and education • Farmer’s markets, gay prides, & other gatherings • Films with community discussion • Building chapters throughout the state to do these activities

6. Some Basic Education

7. Differentiating Terms • Marriage—two types, civil and spiritual • Civil—A legal contract approved by the state in which certain rights, benefits, protections, and responsibilities are conferred • Spiritual—a ceremony performed in a religious institution, at the discretion of that church, synagogue, or mosque. Religions already refuse to perform marriages for some opposite-sex couples for a number of reasons. • Civil Union—a legal contract recognized by the state that confers many (but not all) of the same rights as full civil marriage • Domestic Partnership—a legal contract recognized by the state that confers a more limited number of benefits to same-sex couples • Domestic Partner Benefits—benefits that are given to the same-sex domestic partner of an employee of an organization

8. Rights conferred by marriage (or other legal statuses) • Over 1300 benefits and rights conferred by marriage • Tax benefits • Estate planning benefits • Employment benefits • Government benefits • Medical benefits • Death benefits • Family benefits • Housing benefits • Consumer benefits • Others • See your handout From NOLO (citation??)

9. Situation in Indiana • Currently, Indiana has a law that states that only a man can marry a woman, and only a woman can marry a man. • Therefore, even without amending the constitution, it is ILLEGAL for same-sex couples to get married. • Couples do not have any option for legal recognition of their relationships. • Some businesses and universities offer partner benefits (e.g. bereavement leave, insurance coverage for spouses and domestic partners). • Marriages of same-sex couples performed in other states are not recognized as valid in Indiana

10. Situation in other states • Full Marriage Rights • Connecticut • Massachusetts • Iowa • New Hampshire • Vermont • New Hampshire • District of Columbia

11. Situation in other states Civil Unions Domestic Partnerships California Maine Maryland Nevada Oregon Rhode Island Washington Wisconsin • Delaware • Illinois • Hawaii • New Jersey

12. Situation in other states • Zero Legal Rights or Protections • 34 states have laws that ban at least marriage for same-sex couples • 30 States have laws that ban marriage • 7 states have laws that ban marriage and civil unions/domestic partnerships • 29 States have amended their constitutions to ban at least marriage rights for same-sex couples • 10 Ban marriage • 19 ban marriage AND any other legal recognition • Some states have BOTH a law and a constitutional amendment

13. Map of rights Created by: National Gay and Lesbian Task Force

14. House joint resolution 6 • HJR-6: House Joint Resolution 6 • Proposal to amend the Indiana State Constitution Bill of Rights to state that : • “Only marriage between one (1) man and one (1) woman will be valid or recognized as a marriage in Indiana. A legal status identical or substantially similar to that of marriage for unmarried individuals shall not be valid or recognized.” • The proposed amendment must pass with identical language in both houses of 2 consecutively elected legislatures. • If this requirement is fulfilled, the proposed amendment is then put on the November 2014 ballot to be voted on by the people of Indiana.

15. HJR-6 History and current status • This proposal has passed the Indiana house and senate in the Spring of 2011. • The election in 2012 will establish the 2nd consecutive elected legislature. • It must pass in the house and senate again in 2013 or 2014. • If it passes in 2013 or 2014, it will be on the ballot in November, 2014 for all Hoosiers to vote on. • If it passes by popular vote, it will be added to the Indiana State Constitution Bill of Rights. • Even if the proposal fails to pass, same-sex marriage will still be illegal in Indiana, and couples still will have no legal protections. It just will not be written into the Indiana constitution.

16. Implications of hjr-6 • Would prevent future legislatures from changing the current law to allow same-sex couples to marry • Would prevent future legislatures from enacting a law to allow civil unions or domestic partnerships • May endanger existing domestic partner benefits at any university or organization that receives state money

17. Having the conversations

18. Ideals for respectful conversations • I will try to listen well, providing each person with a welcoming space to express her perspective on the issue at hand • I will seek to empathetically understand the reasons another person has for her perspective • I will express my perspective, and my reasons for holding that perspective, with commitment and conviction, but with a non-coercive style that invites conversation with a person who disagrees with me

19. Ideals for respectful conversations • In my conversation with a person who disagrees with me, I will explore whether we can find some common ground that can further the conversation. But, if we cannot find common ground, I will conclude that “we can only agree to disagree;” yet I will do so in a way that demonstrates respect for the other and concern for her well-being and does not foreclose the possibility of future conversations. • In aspiring to these ideals for conversation, I will also aspire, by the grace of God, to be characterized by humility, courage, patience and love Taken directly from Harold Heie, website http://www.respectfulconversation.net/

20. General tips about respectful conversations • Be informed and knowledgeable before the conversation (but you DON’T have to be an expert) • Really listen, don’t be thinking about what you want to say when it’s your turn • Ask questions about why a person holds their position or belief • Make eye contact • Refrain from negative body language (looking away, crossing your arms, rolling your eyes) • Don’t interrupt • Repeat what you heard the person say so they know you are really hearing them

21. General tips (Cont.) • When possible, use the person’s language to begin, and then introduce more affirming language • Acknowledge how parts of this issue can feel uncomfortable for them. • Be prepared to tell your own story. Why does this issue matter to you enough that you are talking about it with people. How does this affect you? Why do you care? • Personalize the issue as much as possible. Talk about real people and real examples of how this affects real people. • Always end by asking if they will vote “no” when this proposal comes up for a vote. • If they agree to vote “no”, ask them if they will encourage at least one other person to vote “no”.

22. Fighting discrimination through conversations • Six General Types of Mindsets You May Encounter • Supporter • Doubters • Newcomers • Unconcerneds • Traditionalists • Inflexibles • These folks differ in their starting points, thus engendering different goals in talking with them and different strategies in the conversation to move them toward voting NO on HJR6 and perhaps agreeing to talk to others about the issue.

23. DOUBTERSGoal: Build hope • These are the people who may be against HJR-6, maybe even be in favor of marriage rights for same-sex couples, but don’t really believe we can win this battle, “so why even try?” • They might say: • “Indiana is conservative and this amendment is going to pass, so why even try?” • “Why waste my time, energy, or money fighting against the inevitable?” • “Indiana is a very religiously conservative state, it’s never going to change.” • “I don’t really have the time to fight a losing battle.” • “I’d rather fight a battle that we have a chance of winning.”

24. SupportersGoal: Call to action, beyond just supporting • These are the people that are against HJR6 and for marriage equality. They fully intend to vote against HJR6 if it comes to a vote, and they are supportive of the efforts to defeat the amendment, but have not gotten involved in the effort. They might quietly disagree with friends and family who are against marriage equality, but they don’t speak up. • They might say: • “Hey, I support this effort. Isn’t my voting against this amendment enough?” • “I think same-sex couples should be able to get married and I don’t want this amendment. But I don’t feel comfortable talking to my friends and family about it, especially if they disagree.” • “I’m just not politically active. I will vote against the amendment, but I don’t like to get involved.” • “I don’t like to push my beliefs on others.”

25. NEWCOMERSGoal: To inform and help them make up their mind and begin to care about marriage equality. • These are the people who have never thought about the issue of marriage equality. They may not even know that same-sex couples cannot marry in Indiana, or that there is already a law against it, or that there is an effort to write this discrimination into the Indiana State Constitution Bill of Rights. And they probably have not thought about the ways same-sex couples are negatively affected by not being able to marry. • What they might say: • “I don’t see what difference it makes whether a person can get married or not.” • “My neighbor and her girlfriend just got married last week in their back yard. So it’s legal, right?” • “Why all of a sudden to gays want to be able to get married?” • “I don’t have a problem with gay people getting married, but churches should have to marry gay people if they think it’s a sin.”

26. TraditionalistsGoal: Change their mind on this issue, allay their fears • These are the people who tend to see life from a traditional perspective: “this is the way it’s always been and therefore should always be.” They may often take much comfort from knowing how the world is organized and what to expect, and may not deal well with change. They believe in a “traditional” definition of marriage. This may or may not be religiously based. • What they might say: • “I’ve got nothing against gays, but marriage is between men and women just like the proposed amendment says.” • “Marriage is about families and having and raising children. Since gays can’t have babies themselves they don’t need marriage.” • “I am a Christian and I follow the teaching of my church. My church says that homosexuality is a sin and if I do anything to support the sin then I am also a sinner.” • “Seeing two gay people together makes me really uncomfortable, it just seems so wrong and unnatural. “

27. INFLEXIBLESGoal: Plant a seed. Challenge a stereotype • These are the people who are adamantly opposed to marriage equality or to any semblance of legal recognition for same-sex couples. They may or may not hold many stereotypes about gay or lesbian people. They may or may not have been exposed to the teachings of the “reparative therapy” movement, and believe that gay people can be “cured”, so why should we allow them to get married. • What they might say: • “Marriage is a sacrament before God. God says that homosexuality is an abomination. There is no way that I am going to support that deviant lifestyle in any way.” • “I get so upset with this gay agenda. If you don’t like the way the laws are here, go someplace else where you like the laws. Don’t ask me to change.” • “People don’t have to be gay, but if they choose that lifestyle then they have to face the consequences.” • “The social security system is running out of money as it is. We can’t afford to be adding more people and extending the pay out of survivor benefits.” • “As far as I’m concerned they don’t deserve any rights or special protections.”

28. UnconcernedGoal: Build motivation to care and become active, to understand why this affects everyone • They are informed enough to know that marriage for same-sex couples is illegal in Indiana, and probably even know about HJR6, but just don’t see it as important. They may be gay or lesbian, and may be against the institution of marriage in general, or just never want to get married. Or they may be heterosexual and just don’t feel like this issue affects them. • What they might say: • “It doesn’t matter to me. Marriage is an outdated institution anyway.” • “That’s not my issue. I’ve got enough to be concerned about without taking on other people’s issues.” • “I don’t see why this is an issue; either you can get married or you can’t. What’s really important is the relationship not a piece of paper.” • “So, what difference does it make whether this resolution passes and becomes a part of the constitution? If it doesn’t pass same sex couples still won’t be able to get married in Indiana.” • “Trust me, you don’t want to get married. You’re better off without it.”

29. Role-plays! Let’s practice.