Dads’ Connection

1. Dads’ Connection Helping fathers positively connect with their children, their behaviour and with each other

2. Outline • What is Dads’ Connection? • Group set up • Philosophy/Approach • Challenges • Group Process • Success Factors • Recommendations • Testimony • Evaluation

3. Objective To share learning gained by working with fathers who have been involved in Domestic Violence

4. Dads’ Connection • A partnership between Child Welfare Agencies and Aisling Discoveries Child & Family Centre • Psycho-educational program for fathers with the aim of imparting information on the effects of Domestic Violence on children to enable fathers to: • Realize the impact and take responsibility for their actions/behaviours • Rebuild trust with their children (primarily) but also with their partners/spouses • Break the cycle of violence or abusive behaviour patterns by sharing skills and strategies to deal with communication barriers

5. The program • It is a a city wide initiative – other agencies are involved in the partnership. Aisling Discoveries delivers the program for residents of Toronto (East of Yonge Street) • Started @ Aisling Discoveries in 2007 • Consultant researched and developed the approach, philosophy and content of the program • Incorporated two evidence based programs i.e., Fathering Without Violence & Caring Dads

6. The program • Initially a 17 week program but later reduced to 15 weeks • First pilot group ran from May to Sept 2007 with 10 fathers referred; 7 started and 6 completed • Second group ran from January to April 2008 with 10 fathers referred; 9 started and 8 completed • Group participants consisted of diverse cultural and professional backgrounds

7. Referral from CWA Intake @ Aisling Pre-Group interview Group Evaluation/ Feedback Post Group Meeting The process

8. Overview of Content • Examining Fathering • Child Centered Fathering • Listening to Children • Barriers to Effective Communication • Defining Abuse/Power & Control Wheel • Impact of Domestic Violence on children • Accountability and Responsibility/Cost Benefit Analysis • What about Discipline?

9. Group Set up • Facilitated by a male and female co-facilitator • Location @ CAS office • Duration 90 – 120 minutes • Meal is provided • Transportation allowance (TTC bus tickets) • Group starts with check in • Topic presentation, discussion and exercise • Closing • HOMEWORK !!! 

10. Philosophy/Approach • Non judgmental, non confrontational, welcoming and engaging approach • Demonstrated by • The facilitators’ attitude and process of engagement with group members; • The design of the sessions content • The Chronology/sequence of the topics • Boundaries, relationship with Child Welfare Agencies and issues of confidentiality clearly established from the beginning

11. Challenges • Sufficient and timely referrals • Location? • Not all fathers are at home/with their children and can sometimes be limited in doing activities with their children or completing homework tasks • Digression during group sessions – keeping a balance between listening to their struggles and getting on with the day’s program • Listening to their stress without discounting their accountability and need to take responsibility

12. Striking Experience • Fathers with very high commitment ~ punctuality, engaging with program, honest discussion etc • Participants respect and support for each other • Not a lot of excuses for failing to complete homework. “My dog ate the homework”

13. Group Process“The only woman in the group” • Questions in my mind prior to the commencement of the group: • Who are the participants? • How will I be perceived in the group? • How will I handle counter transference? • What do I want to gain from facilitating? • What can I bring to the group?

14. What brings men to therapy? • Negative affect (depression or anxiety) • Addiction crisis • Court Mandated • PTSD • Loss of passion for life or misdirection of passion in an unhealthy way • Relationship Conflict or loss

15. Participants’ Stories • Their culture and how they do things • How they think society perceives them • How they think that we (facilitators) perceive them • How they perceive themselves • How they have been dealt with by the Child Welfare Agency • Emotional expression ~ Is it OK to cry? • What about my pain? What about the abuse I suffered? What about my loss?

16. Religion ? Aisling Culture Father ? Legal system ? Child CAS ? ? Mother ? ? Society Child Centered Focus

17. Why was the Group Successful? • Listening but challenging cultural views, values and belief system • Open discussion around society’s views and perception of these men • Appropriate communication style • Free expression of their frustration with the Child Welfare Agency and helping them communicate positively with their workers • Providing skills and strategies for better communication with their partners and children

18. Growth of the group • Supportive of each other ~ the Subway boys! • Open and honest • Accepted feedback from participants and facilitators • Humour • Expressed emotion ~ pain, anger, sadness and joy

19. What I learned as a Co-facilitator • Participants were willing to learn and get beyond defence mechanisms to make changes • Fathers experience pain and loss too • Tough on the outside but soft on the inside • Fathers experience shame and guilt ~ I am a bad father • Some of the participants experienced abuse themselves • They all love their children • For some of the participants this may have been the first time that they experienced a positive relationship with a female professional

20. Recommendations • Consider the importance of having a female and male co- facilitate the group vs male/male, female/female co-facilitators • Destigmatize the process • Focus on their strengths when possible • Set boundaries but remain open to accommodate and communicate • Use their language • Introduce compassion • Facilitators are models of positive relationships • Facilitators should spend time learning about their facilitation styles

21. “I don’t know why I am here!” • “ I have been mandated ~ highly recommended ~ to come” • “I have started to think a lot about ….” • “ I am learning how to approach things differently”