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Negotiating Personal Space with a Roommate or Partner

Negotiating Personal Space with a Roommate or Partner. How to create your own spaces and find the right way to achieve independence for yourself. What we'll be covering. - Negotiating Personal Space - Adapting to living with someone who's not family

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Negotiating Personal Space with a Roommate or Partner

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  1. Negotiating Personal Space with a Roommate or Partner How to create your own spaces and find the right way to achieve independence for yourself

  2. What we'll be covering - Negotiating Personal Space - Adapting to living with someone who's not family - Discussing needs and meeting others' needs - Adjusting to sharing

  3. Who am I? Leah Grantham, autism blogger at quixoticautistic.wordpress.com Autistic Student, passionate about expression, sexuality, relationships, independence

  4. Key Terms of Today Communication Honesty Negotiations Collaboration Personal Space Third Space "Down Time"

  5. Knowing Someone Beforehand There are benefits to moving in with someone you're already familiar with, a greater sense of comfort and personal peace of mind, a better understanding of what they may need, and a chance to do fun things together Don't rule out a roommate you've never met before though! Sometimes it's better to challenge yourself by going with somebody new

  6. Moving in Together The most important part of moving in with someone comes before moving day- negotiating your terms and agreeing to them with your future rooommate, to avoid future conflicts or unpleasant surprises Questions to ask each other: How much space should we/are we expected to share? Sensory concerns? Taste/food preferences/accommodations? How much private time?

  7. Room-to-Room Bedroom- When is lights-out, how much noise is too much, etc. etc. Kitchen- Sensory/food concerns, dietary needs and preferences Bathroom- Lighting, texture, product use concerns (shampoos, conditioners, etc etc) Living room- How much is "our" space versus "my/your" space?

  8. Picking the Place Considerations: Price? Space? What's included? Temperature, Lighting, Traffic/Noise Considerations Distance from important places, like university, grocery stores, bank, etc etc Be realistic about how much time you'll spend together

  9. Sharing Possessions How much sharing you do is entirely up to your personal preferences. You can elect to share everything excluding your toothbrushes, or have a clear labeling system for figuring out who owns what If your place is small, keep "separate" possessions minimal, they can quickly clutter

  10. Scheduling Alone Time Be honest and realistic about how much "alone time" and "downtime" you both need Communicate and schedule How much privacy do you want during alone time? If you need the house to yourself, maybe your roommate can go for a walk or leave the house for another activity. If you require less personal space than that, maybe you can get a private room

  11. Negotiating Sharing Chores Who likes doing what? Who despises certain chores? Work your chore split around your sensory needs Negotiate an alternation day-by-day if necessary Don't be afraid to remind the other to do their fair share

  12. Conflict Resolution - Communicate in your choice method- text message, face-to-face, write, but make sure it's a two-way conversation - Don't get angry, respect your boundaries and the other person's - Assume positive intent - Detail why you are upset/felt the need to talk - Don't attack - Listen to what the person has to say, rather than thinking of what you want to say next

  13. The Third Space The idea of a "third space" is simple- A place other than work/school and home where you go to indulge in an activity you enjoy/relax/have fun Try to find a separate third space for yourself, it's important to have time apart from your roommate to pursue your own interests

  14. Commuting & Caretaking Don't be afraid to call upon friends/community members to help you get to places like the grocery store or the bank A caretaker can make a difference in quality of life if you need one

  15. Over Time Personal space requirements may shift the longer you live together. This is natural, just let it happen and work around it.

  16. Questions or Comments?

  17. Additional Resources http://voices.yahoo.com/apartment-roommate-negotiation-tips-big-bill-discussion-550928.html?cat=17 http://suite101.com/article/college-roommate-conflicts-a34562 http://www.residentassistant.com/advice/roommate1.htm http://suite101.com/article/college-roommate-conflicts-a34562 https://www.baker.edu/campus_sites/Muskegon/resLife/uploads/Roommate%20Negotiation%20Workbook.pdf

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