I Never Knew I Had a Choice - 7 th ed.

1. I Never Knew I Had a Choice - 7th ed. by Gerald Corey & Marianne Schneider Corey Wadsworth A division of Thomson Learning, Inc.

2. Invitation to Personal Learning and Growth • THE SERENITY PRAYER“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” • What are your personal reactions to the Serenity Prayer? I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 1 (1)

3. Balancing Self-Esteem and Other-Esteem • We are social beings and many of our relationships are affected by relationships with others • Self-esteem and other-esteem should not be thought of as polar opposites • Other-esteem involves respect, acceptance, caring, valuing, and promoting of others • Strive to see the world anew by reexamining your present beliefs and values I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 1 (2)

4. Humanistic Approach to Human Growth • Self-actualization is the core of a humanistic view of people • Self-actualization is a process you work toward, rather than a final destination at which you arrive • Striving for growth implies becoming all you are capable of becoming • Abraham Maslow’s model of the self-actualizing person offers a foundation for understanding growth I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 1 (3)

5. Key Figures of the Humanistic Movement • Alfred Adler’s theory stresses self-determination and sees people as creative, active, goal-oriented, and choice-making beings • Carl Jung believed that humans are not merely shaped by past events, but strive for growth as well • Carl Rogers stressed the importance of nonjudgmental listening and acceptance as a condition for people to feel free enough to change • Abraham Maslow emphasized joy, creativity, and self-fulfillment I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 1 (4)

6. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs • Once the lower need is satisfied, then the next higher need motivates us 5) Need for self-actualization 4) Esteem needs 3) Love needs 2) Safety needs 1) Physical and survival needs I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 1 (5)

7. Core Characteristics of Self-Actualizing People • Self-awareness • Freedom • Basic honesty and caring • Trust and autonomy I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 1 (6)

8. What Kind of Learner Are You? • Auditory learner • Visual learner • Kinesthetic learner • Emotional learner I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 1 (7)

9. Suggestions for Getting the Most From the Course and Book • Take the time to prepare for class by reading and reflecting • Be willing to take risks necessary for change • Use the class as a way to explore your beliefs about personal topics • Practice new behavior outside of the class • Keep a personal journal I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 1 (8)

10. Reviewing Your Childhood and Adolescence • INFANCY • Core task: Develop sense of trust in self and others • Erikson’s core struggle: trust versus mistrust • Critical importance of sense of being loved during infancy • Infancy provides the foundation for later development I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 2 (1)

11. Early Childhood • Erikson’s core struggle: autonomy versus shame and doubt • Central task is to begin the journey toward autonomy • A time for learning what it means to be interdependent • Importance of developing emotional competence I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 2 (2)

12. The Preschool Years • Erikson’s core struggle: Initiative versus Guilt • A time for learning basic attitudes regarding sexuality • A time for increasing the capacity to understand and use language • Importance of learning to accept the full range of one’s feelings I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 2 (3)

13. Middle Childhood • Erikson’s core struggle: Industry versus Inferiority • Increasing understanding of self --- gender, race, culture, abilities • Relationships as a major focus during middle childhood • A time for developing the self-concept I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 2 (4)

14. Ego-Defense Mechanisms • Psychological strategies we use to protect our self-concept • We use ego defenses at various stages of life to soften the blows of reality • Ego defenses help us cope with anxiety • These defenses have adaptive value if they are not excessively used to avoid facing reality I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 2 (5)

15. Adolescence • Erikson’s core struggle: Identity versus Role Confusion • A critical period in the development of personal identity • Implications of individuation or psychological separation from parents • Psychological moratorium - a time for experimentation with different roles before making major commitments I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 2 (6)

16. Adulthood and Autonomy • THE STRUGGLE TOWARD AUTONOMY • Process of autonomy begins in early childhood and continues throughout life • Ultimate goal is the development of a mature and interdependent self • Autonomy means knowing yourself and having significant connections with others • Cultural factors play a key role in determining the kind of relationships that govern one’s life I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 3 (1)

17. Challenging Early Messages (or Parental Injunctions) • Examples of parental injunctions that we incorporate into our lives: • Don’t make mistakes • Don’t be close • Don’t be a child • Don’t succeed • Don’t be you I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 3 (2)

18. Albert Ellis and Uprooting Irrational Beliefs • Your faulty thinking is what leads to your emotional upsets • You can best change your feelings and actions by changing your beliefs • It is essential to identify and challenge self-defeating beliefs • Become aware of your should’s, ought’s, and must’s • Learn ways of challenging your internal dialogue and your inner critic I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 3 (3)

19. Early Adulthood • There are wide variations in the way in which people experience early adulthood • Erikson’s core struggle: Intimacy versus Isolation • Emerging adulthood: a distinct period from both adolescence and young adulthood • Emerging adulthood offers rich opportunities for exploring personal identity in the areas of love, work, and values I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 3 (4)

20. Middle Adulthood • A time of going outside of ourselves • This can be a time of great productivity • Erikson’s core struggle: Generativity versus Stagnation • When we reach middle age, we come to a crossroads I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 3 (5)

21. Late Middle Age • People often think of what they want to do with the rest of their lives • There are many positive and creative dimensions of middle age • A time to consider new sources of meaning in our lives • A time to examine priorities and make new decisions I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 3 (6)

22. Late Adulthood • Erikson’s core struggle: Integrity versus Despair • Prevalent themes often include loss, loneliness, dependency, regrets over past events and decisions • It is essential to challenge the stereotypes of late adulthood • The attitude an older person has about aging may be more important than chronological age I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 3 (7)

23. Your Body and Wellness • HOLISTIC HEALTH versus TRADITIONAL MEDICINE • Traditional medicine focuses on identifying symptoms of illness and curing disease • Holistic health focuses on all facets of human functioning • The holistic approach assumes the unity of body and mind I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 4 (1)

24. Wellness • Wellness consists of all aspects of functioning: physical, psychological, social, intellectual, and spiritual • Wellness involves the integration of body, mind, and spirit • Wellness deals with positive health, not the absence of sickness • Wellness is a lifestyle choice rather than a one-time decision I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 4 (2)

25. REDS — A Formula For Wellness • Developing sound habits pertaining to sleeping, eating, exercising, and cultivating our spirituality are basic to any wellness program R = Rest allows our physical body to regenerate itself E = Exercise can prolong and enhance life D = Diet is a major factor that affects our long-term health S = Spirituality is a pathway to developing meaning in life I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 4 (3)

26. Suggestions for Getting Better Sleep • Establish a regular sleep routine • Don’t take your worries with you to bed • Exercise regularly • Engage in meditation or relaxation methods priorto retiring • Avoid eating heavy meals close to bedtime • Maintain realistic self-talk about sleep I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 4 (4)

27. Some Benefits of Exercise • Increasing respiratory capacity • Releasing pent-up emotions • Increasing feelings of well-being and self-esteem • Reducing the risk of illness • Reducing body weight • Increasing physical strength and endurance • Providing you with a source of enjoyment I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 4 (5)

28. Dr. Andrew Weil’s Thoughts on Eating Well for Optimum Health • Dr. Weil, who teaches physicians at the University of Arizona’s Program in Integrative Medicine, believes that: • Eating for health and eating for pleasure are not incompatible • What and how we eat is key to how we feel and how we age • We can make choices about what to eat and what not to eat I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 4 (6)

29. Your Body Image • A healthy body and a positive body image allows you to do what you want physically • Your view of your body has much to do with choices in other areas of your life • Early decisions you have made about your body will likely affect you now • Weight is related to body image for many people I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 4 (7)

30. Managing Stress • STRESS AND EVERYDAY LIFE • Stress - an event or series of events that lead to strain, often results in physical and psychological health problems • Sources of stress are frustrations, conflicts, pressures, and change • Learning to cope with stress is essential to maintain wellness • Stress has both positive (eustress) and negative (distress) effects • Either we control stress, or stress controls us I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 5 (1)

31. Effects Of Stress • If stress is not handled in a constructive way, it often produces adverse physical and psychological effects • Under stress our bodies experience the “fight-or-flight” response • Chronic stress causes bodily wear and tear resulting in psychophysiological disorders • Negative emotional states of anxiety and depression are the result of prolonged stress I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 5 (2)

32. Stress and the Hardy Personality • Some people seem to be especially resilient and are better able to cope with stress • Distinguishing characteristics of hardy people are • A liking for challenge • A strong sense of commitment • An internal locus of control I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 5 (3)

33. Some Constructive Paths to Managing Stress • Time management • Money management • Challenging self-defeating thinking and negative self-talk • Developing a sense of humor • Learning to relax • Mindfulness • Meditation I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 5 (4)

34. Suggestions for Managing Stress • Think of ways to simplify your life • Learn and practice a variety of relaxation exercises • During the day – pause and remember to breathe • Make the time each day to do what you really enjoy doing • Keep your mind focused on what you are experiencing in the present • Make the time to be alone on a regular basis • Be kind to yourself --- and to others I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 5 (5)

35. Some Hints on Time Management • Time management can be a route to helping you set priorities and accomplishing your goals • Actions you can take to remain in charge of your time: • Establish clear and attainable goals • Decide what you can accomplish in a given period of time • Keep a schedule book and organize your time • Before accepting a new project consider if you have a full plate • Be comfortable with what you do accomplish • Reward yourself I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 5 (6)

36. Recognizing and Dealing with Burnout • Burnout is a state of physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual exhaustion • Striving for unrealistically high goals can lead to burnout • The key is to recognize subtle sign of burnout • Changing the way in which you approach school or work can prevent burnout • Prevention is better than remediation • Don’t forget to take good care of yourself I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 5 (7)

37. Love • MYTHS AND MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT LOVE • Love is eternal • Love implies constant closeness • We fall in and out of love • Love is exclusive • True love is selfless • Love and anger are incompatible I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 6 (1)

38. Fears of Loving and Being Loved • Fear of isolation • Fear of being discovered • Uncertainty of love • no guarantees I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 6 (2)

39. Characteristics of Inauthentic Love • Pseudo-love may look like authentic love, but it stifles growth • One whose love is inauthentic --- • Attaches strings to loving and loves conditionally • Is possessive • Depends on the other person to fill a void in life • Needs to be in charge and make decisions for the other person • Lacks commitment I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 6 (3)

40. Meanings of Authentic Love – A Personal Perspective • LOVE MEANS • Knowing the person • Caring about the person • Having a responsibility toward the person • Having respect and dignity for the person • Accepting imperfection • Growth for both people in the relationship I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 6 (4)

41. Relationships • MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS — A PERSONAL PERSPECTIVE • Each person in the relationship has a separate identity • Both actively work at keeping the relationship alive • Each person is growing and changing • Each person is moving in a direction in life that is personally meaningful • They encourage each other to become all they are capable of becoming • Each has a commitment to the other I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 7 (1)

42. Anger in Relationships • There is value in recognizing and expressing anger • Express anger in a way that does not assassinate another’s character • Don’t hold on to anger or nurse grudges • Recognize danger signs when anger gets in the way of relationships • Talk more about yourself than about what is wrong with the other person • Decide when it is better not to express anger I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 7 (2)

43. Guidelines for Dealing Effectively with Conflict and Confrontation • Conflict can be a healthy sign of individual differences • If you confront a person, know why • View confrontation as a caring act • Accept responsibility for your own feelings • Tell others how you are struggling with them • Don’t walk away from conflict • Be open to forgiving others who have hurt you • Be willing to forgive yourself I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 7 (3)

44. Barriers to Effective Communication • Recognizing communication blocks is the first step toward opening the channels to dialogue • Some barriers are • Hearing only what you want to hear • Being overly concerned about getting your point across • Silently rehearsing what you will say as you are “listening” • Becoming overly defensive • Making assumptions about the other person without checking them out I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 7 (4)

45. Hints for Coping with Termination of a Meaningful Relationship • Allow yourself the time to grieve • Express your anger without violence • Take responsibility for your own part in the relationship • Find a support network • Make use of writing in your journal • Be willing to forgive — both yourself and the other person • Seek closure I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 7 (5)

46. Becoming the Woman or Man You Want to Be • SOME KEY POINTS ON GENDER-ROLE IDENTITY • The gender-role standard encourages a static notion of “clear roles into which all women and men must fit” • Examine the experiences you have had that influence your gender-role identity • Reflect on your models that have influenced your views of what it means to be a woman or a man • Be patient with yourself in challenging and changing your attitudes • Decide for yourself what kind of person you want to be, based on what you truly value I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 8 (1)

47. Portrait of Traditional Male Roles • Some stereotypes associated with the traditional male role include a man’s • Emotional unavailability • Power and aggressiveness • Denial of fears • Protection of his inner self • Denial of “feminine” qualities • Being driven to succeed • Lack of bodily awareness I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 8 (2)

48. Portrait of Traditional Female Roles • Some stereotypes associated with the traditional female role include • Women are warm, expressive, and nurturing • Women are not aggressive or independent • Women are emotional and intuitive • Women are passive and submissive • Women are more interested in relationships than in professional accomplishments I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 8 (3)

49. Challenging Traditional Gender-Role Expectations • Both women and men often pay a price for staying within the limited boundaries defined for them by their culture • Becoming aware of the process of gender-role socialization is the first step toward making choices about assuming expected role behavior • Men and women are challenging the societal conditioning that results in rigid role behavior I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 8 (4)

50. Alternatives to Rigid Gender-Role Expectations • The challenge is for women and men to work together in deciding how they want to be • Androgyny is the flexible integration of both feminine and masculine traits • Androgynous people can adjust their behavior to what the situation requires in integrated and flexible ways • Gender-role transcendence involves moving beyond gender roles I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 8 (5)