What we think of ourselves affects how we view other people

1. “We cannot divorce ourselves from the process of person perception. We are at the same time both the observer and the observed, inextricably a part of our own observation.” (150)

2. Seeing or Hearing Yourself in Others • What we think of ourselves affects how we view other people • a. we project our own qualities on others (negative and positive) • b. if are looking for a certain aspect in a person, then we will focus only on that • c. perpetual distortion is seen mainly in the infatuation stage of a relationship

3. -The “things aren’t always what they seem to be” continues throughout the relationship • a. negative affects • b. positive affects • -Mertons self-fulfilling prophesy

4. We Are Optimistic • a. many of our perceptions have an optimistic bias • b. Matlin and Stang Pollyanna Principle • c. Weigh negative events and traits more heavily

5. SKIT • through social interaction, the physical appearance can literally be changed.

6. Interaction Appearance Theory Changing Perceptions of Physical Attractiveness Through Social Interaction

7. STUDY: • Can the effectiveness of your social interaction with a prospective romantic partner make him or her see you as more physically attractive? If so, under what conditions does this process occur? • Can a person’s actions can make one appear more attractive? • Opposite is true: beautiful people who are mean spirited or abusive can become ugly to us.

8. Interaction Theory beliefs: • 1. Physical attraction and social interaction are important in relationship satisfaction • 2. Physical appearance upon meeting that is not high enough to pursue a relationship, but not too low to avoid it • 3. Social interaction that is better than the physical appearance • 4. The partner’s physical attraction will change depending on the effectiveness of the social interaction 4 Step Process: 1. Person holds set of beliefs about romantic partner. Must be physically attractive and an effective communicator. 2. A person meets someone whose physical appearance is “average” 3. As the social interaction continues the expectations socially are higher than they desired and their belief structure is altered 4. As a result the other person is seen as physically more attractive

9. Physical Appearance • Study shows that physical appearance is more important to men than to women. • Women tend to find a partner more attractive after social interaction than at the first meeting. “The way we communicate not only directly influences whether one will be liked, chosen as a work partner, seen as popular, or seen as having a pleasing personality, but also affects adventitiously whether one will be seen as pretty or handsome.” Norton (1983)

10. Social Interaction • Desired social actions: encouraging comments, humorous, knowledgeable • Undesired social actions: obscenities, being critical or demanding, dominating conversation

11. What if the social interaction is great and desirable, but the physical appearance is low? • Discrepancy has to be resolved • Social Interaction is Low Physical Appearance is High = Continue Relationship • Social Interaction is High Physical Appearance is Low = End Relationship If the social interaction of the encounter is higher than is desired in a relationship, this may literally change the person’s assessment of physical appearance. • Noses shrink • Figures become toned instead of thin • “The more time I spent with her, the more I noticed her personality outshining her physical attributes. I guess you could say the more I got to know her, the smaller her butt got…she listened to me. She was friendly and outgoing.” • “Allison changed my perspective on what my ideal girl is” • “First I saw her as a 5, but now I see her as an 8.”

12. Conclusion • Physical attractiveness is important, but through social interaction, the physical appearance can literally be changed.