Some Writing Improvements

1. Dr. John Eigenauer Taft College English 1A Some Writing Improvements

2. Transition Sentences • Students can solve the problems they face. Anyone can go to college. Students need to put in time to get into college. If they say they have no money, there is aid. Students can receive loans, grants, and scholarships to help pay. Students can’t be lazy to receive aid. They have to work for it and apply. If they are lazy, they will need to change their attitudes. There are ways to get into college.

3. Transition Sentences • However, students can solve these problems. In fact, anyone can go to college if he puts in the necessary time. If money is a problem, loans, grants and scholarships are available. However, students must work at applying for them. [Data or quotes needed here]. Obviously, there are ways for everyone to attend college.

4. Wordiness and Nominalization • While many go on to begin a college education very few actually make it to graduation day. • While many attend college, few graduate. • Courses such as these help new students grasp a better understanding of college life and become better prepared for what lies ahead. • Courses like these help new students understand college life and prepare for it.

5. Word Order • He means that in many professions a four year degree is irrelevant to the job. • He means that a four year degree is irrelevant in many professions.

6. Prepositional Phrases to Start Sentences • http://www.abcteach.com/abclists/prepositions.htm • In fact many studies show that… • In fact, many studies show that… • During the time that she was away Mary changed a lot. • During the time that she was away, Mary changed a lot. • (Mary changed a lot while she was away)

7. Prepositional Phrases • Within six years Eric rose to a managerial position… • Within six years, Eric rose to a managerial position… • Eric rose to a managerial position within six years.

8. Prepositional Phrases • After the first semester, some students… • Because of this, teachers often assume… • Except for the most important people, no one was allowed in. • Without help from her counselor, Kelli would have dropped out. • Kelli could have dropped out without help from her counselor.

9. Person • There are scholarships for everyoneyou just have to want one. If they don’t want a scholarship then there is financial aid which almost everyone can apply for and you will be able to pay it off for how ever long you signed up for. • Many scholarships are available for those who seek them. If scholarships are available, loans usually are. These loans can be paid off after graduation.

10. Person • In many cases when the student is the first in their family to attend college, they are looked on as the head of the family. • In many cases when students are the first in their family to attend college, they are looked on as the head of the family. • Students who are the first ones from their family to attend college are often looked on as the head of the family.

11. One Theme Per Paragraph • Reeves is not the only one who thinks that many college students are unmotivated. George Leef, for example, argues that “The US already puts too many unmotivated students into college, where they learn little.” He claims that unmotivated students do not benefit from what college has to offer them. Leef feels that many students that go to college do not learn all the material because they are not motivated to do well and are not striving for more knowledge enrichment.

12. One Theme Per Paragraph • Reeves is not the only one who thinks that many college students are unmotivated. George Leef, for example, argues that “The US already puts too many unmotivated students into college, where they learn little.” He claims that these students do not benefit from what college has to offer[s] them. Leef feels that many students that go to college do not learn all the material because they are not motivated to do well and are not striving for more knowledge enrichment.