Chapter 3: Family Communication, Conflict, and Forgiveness

1. Chapter 3:Family Communication, Conflict, and Forgiveness

2. The Communication Process • Transactional Process – one in which we simultaneously affect and are affected by our intimate relations • Focus is on the interconnectedness of the relationship

3. Family Systems Theory • Views the family as an interconnected system • Developed by Murray Bowen

4. Family Systems Theory • Family System is a dynamic entity that consists of various individuals and their interconnected, intergenerational patterns of interaction. • The primary function is to bring the parts together and arrange them into a whole, organized entity.

5. Figure 3.1: Virginia Satir’s Concept of the Family as a Mobile

6. Interconnecting – family members affect and are affected by each other Looking at the whole – individual members’ behavior can only be understood by looking at the whole Key Concepts of Systems Framework

7. Key Concepts of Systems Framework • Establishing boundaries – every system has some border between it and its environment • Closed boundaries: no information in or out • Open boundaries: information is unobstructed, families lose identity • Maintaining balance – families work to achieve and maintain homeostasis

8. Figure 3.2: Types of Boundaries

9. Circumplex Model of Marital and Family Systems • Addresses family cohesion, adaptability, and communication • Assesses family’s level of functioning

10. Figure 3.3: Olson’s Circumplex Model of Family Functioning

11. Creating Rules for Communication • What we can and cannot talk about • Feelings that are allowed to be shared • Decision making • How we can talk about it • Communication strategy

12. Table 3.1: Cultural Competence: Enhancing Cultural Communication Skills

13. Table 3.1: Cultural Competence: Enhancing Cultural Communication Skills

14. Symbolic Interaction Framework • All human behavior revolves around social behavior where there is an exchange of messages and symbolic meanings between actors. • Symbols: used to share meanings • Roles: a system of meanings • Role strain – competing demands from multiple roles • Role conflict – conflicting role pressures

15. Types of Communication • Communication: the process of making and sharing meanings • Transaction: parties act as senders and receivers of information • Process: dynamic and ever changing • Involves Co-Construction: constructing definitions • Involves Symbols: used to construct meanings and definitions

16. Verbal Communication Exchanges of thoughts, messages, or information through the spoken word Fundamental Processes of Verbal Communication: • Communication Effectiveness • Perceptual Accuracy • Predictive Accuracy • Interpersonal Cognitive Complexity

17. Table 3.2: Verbal Communication Processes

18. Nonverbal Communication • Emotional communication gestures and movements that convey our emotions • Occurs with or without the spoken word • Includes facial expressions, motions of the body, eye contact, patterns of touch, expressive movements, hand gestures and more

19. Relational and Non-relationalMessages • Relational – those having something to do with the partnership • Non-relational – those dealing with issues or topics outside of the relationship • Decoding – interpreting the unspoken exchanges

20. Types of Emotional Messages • Positive Emotional Messages • Love, pleasure, affection • Negative Emotional Messages • Anger and irritation • Neutral Emotional Messages • Non-specific, ambiguous, hard to interpret

21. Private Couple Meanings • Special interaction between partners • Predictive in nature • Based on information that only partners share with one another

22. Conflict in Relationships Areas of conflict: • Money matters • Division of household labor • Sex • Tremendous trifles

23. Constructive Conflict • Constructive Conflict – builds relationships and fosters loyalty, commitment and intimacy • How couples handle conflict determines marital longevity

24. Regulated Couples • Use communication patterns that promote closeness and intimacy • Validating Couple: empathetic, supportive, seldom express negative emotions • Volatile Couple: charged with intense emotion, passion, romance, intense disputes but remain intimately connected • Conflict-Minimizing Couple: avoid conflict, minimize significance of trouble, conflict kept below the surface

25. Non-regulated Couples • Have difficulty resolving conflicts, interactions far more negative • Criticism: involves attack on the partner • Defensiveness: criticism/defend pattern becomes a cycle of negativity • Contempt: disrespect, scorn, hatred • Stonewalling: communication between partners shuts down

26. Destructive Conflict • May be overt or covert • Denial: when words and actions do not match • Disqualification: when a person covers-up an expressed emotion • Displacement: when a person takes out anger on someone else • Disengaged: no emotional closeness • Pseudo-mutuality: false closeness with underlying anger and hostility

27. Functional and Nurturing Communication • Functional Communication • Addresses the important functions of daily life • Nurturing Communication • Conveys intimacy, caring, recognition and validation of family members

28. Cornerstones of Communication • Developing Relational Cultures • Relational culture is a framework of understandings • Coordinate attitudes, actions and identities of the couple and family

29. Cornerstones of Communication Confirming messages and responses • Acknowledgement of the other person • Willingness to be involved in the relationship • Recognition: confirming and acknowledging, may be verbal or nonverbal • Confirming: simple recognition and acceptance of one another • Acceptance: every family feels they belong

30. Cornerstones of Communication • Self-disclosure – voluntarily sharing personal information • Self-disclosure • Increases as relational intimacy increases • Increases when there are rewards • Tends to be reciprocal • Increases relational satisfaction

31. Cornerstones of Communication • Communicate often • Family communication can be enhanced or hindered by the time spent in the process of communication • Family meetings provide structure and organization to the family system

32. Cornerstones of Communication • Listen actively • means actually hearing what the other person is saying • reflective listening means paying attention to verbal and nonverbal messages

33. Table 3.3: Poor Listening Styles

34. Cornerstones of Communication • Use humor • Laughing produces endorphins which relax and calm us • Laughter and humor provide a way to relieve stress in certain situations • Humor brings people together and helps keep things in perspective

35. Table 3.4: Rank Ordering of the Forgiveness Process by Study Participants