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Coping with Abuse

Coping with Abuse. Important Danger of Pornography Another Story Private. Healing the Tragic Scars of Abuse. Elder Richard G. Scott said:

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Coping with Abuse

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  1. Coping with Abuse Important Danger of Pornography Another Story Private

  2. Healing the Tragic Scars of Abuse Elder Richard G. Scott said: “I solemnly testify that when another’s acts of violence, perversion, or incest hurt you terribly, against your will, you are not responsible, and you must not feel guilty. You may be left scarred by abuse, but those scars need not be permanent. In the eternal plan, in the Lord’s timetable, those injuries can be made right as you do your part. Here is what you can do now.”

  3. Seek Help “Begin with your Eternal Father and his Beloved Son, your Savior. Strive to comprehend their commandments and follow them. They will lead you to others who will strengthen and encourage you. There is available to you a priesthood leader, normally a Bishop, at times a member of the stake presidency. He can build a bridge to greater understanding and healing… Talk to your Bishop in confidence. His calling allows him to act as an instrument of the Lord in your behalf… He has the right to be inspired… He can use the priesthood to bless you… Your bishop can help you identify trustworthy friends to support you. He will help you regain self-confidence and self-esteem… When abuse is extreme, he can help you identify appropriate protection and professional treatment…”

  4. Understand Principles of Healing You are a child of a Heavenly Father who loves you perfectly and can help you as no one else can. HOW CAN KNOWING THIS HELP YOU TO HEAL? Deepen your understanding and testimony of the healing power of the atonement of Christ. “He is the consummate healer,” Elder Scott said. Trust him. Pray. “Healing best begins with your sincere prayer asking your Father in Heaven for help. That use of your agency allows divine intervention.”

  5. Do all in your power to stop the abuse. Do not seek revenge. “Focus on your responsibility to do what is in your power to correct. Leave the handling of the offender to civil and Church authorities… Ultimately the unrepentant abuser will be punished by a just God. Be patient. “Understand that healing can take considerable time. Recovery generally comes in steps. It is accelerated when gratitude is expressed to the Lord for every degree of improvement noted.”

  6. Forgive (Matthew 18) “Forgiveness helps heal… Begin by withholding judgment. You don’t know what abusers may have suffered as victims when innocent. The way to repentance must be kept open for them… As you experience an easing of your own pain, full forgiveness will come more easily… You cannot erase what has been done, but you can forgive. Forgiveness heals terrible, tragic wounds, for it allows the love of God to purge your heart and mind of the poison of hate. It cleanses your consciousness of the desire for revenge. It makes place for the purifying, healing, restoring love of the Lord..”

  7. Avoid two therapeutic practices. “They are (1) excessive probing into every minute detail of your past experiences, particularly when this involves penetrating dialogue in group discussion; and (2) blaming the abuser for every difficulty in your life… While some discovery is vital to the healing process, the almost morbid probing into details of past acts, long buried and mercifully forgotten, can be shattering… There is another danger. Detailed leading questions that probe your past may unwittingly trigger thoughts that are more imagination or fantasy than reality. They could lead to condemnation of another for acts that were not committed.. Remember, false accusation is also a sin.”(Source: “Healing the Tragic Scars of Abuse, by Elder Richard G. Scott, Ensign, May 1992, 31)

  8. HEALING THE TRAGIC SCARS OF ABUSE One of the great tragedies of our day is the increasing number of cases of abuse. Some of you, here, may understand this all too well. Some of you know firsthand the scars that can be left by abuse. There may even be someone here who has been guilty of abusing another. You need to understand the pain another may have felt at your hand. Elder Scott said: “As a victim you [may] have experienced fear, depression, guilt, self-hatred, destruction of self-esteem, and alienation from normal human relationships.

  9. When aggravated by continued abuse, powerful emotions of rebellion, anger, and hatred are generated. These feelings often are focused against oneself, others, life itself, and even Heavenly Father. Frustrated efforts to fight back can degenerate into drug abuse, immorality abandonment of home, and, tragically in extreme cases, suicide. Unless corrected, these feelings lead to despondent lives, discordant marriages, and even the transition from victim to abuser. One awful result is a deepening lack of trust in other, which becomes a barrier to healing” (“Healing the Tragic Scars of Abuse”).

  10. Elder Scott taught that those scars need not be permanent. He said: “Know that the wicked choice of others cannot completely destroy your agency unless you permit it. Their acts may cause pain, anguish, even physical harm, but they cannot destroy your eternal determine to overcome the harmful results of abuse. Your attitude can control the change for good in you life. It allows you to have the help the Lord intends you to receive… the laws of your Heavenly Father and the atonement of the lord have made it possible that you will not be robbed of the opportunities which come to the children of God” (ibid).

  11. Elder Scott then said: “I solemnly testify that when another’s acts of violence, perversion, or incest hurt you terribly, against your will, you are not responsible, and you must not feel guilty. You may be left scarred by abuse, but those scars need not be permanent. In the eternal plan, in the Lord’s timetable, those injuries can be made right as you do your part. Here is what you can do now. “[First]…seek help now… Begin with your Eternal Father and his beloved Son, your Savior… They will lead you to others who will strengthen and encourage you… Talk to your bishop in confidence… He has the right to be inspired of the Lord in your behalf. He can use the priesthood to bless you… When abuse is extreme, he can help you identify appropriate protection and professional treatment consistent with the teachings of the Savior.

  12. “[Second, understand] the principles of healing… Recognize that you are a beloved child of your Heavenly Father. He loves you perfectly and can help you as no earthly parent, spouse, or devoted friend can… Gain trust in the love and compassion of your elder brother, Jesus Christ, by pondering the scriptures… Healing best begins with your Sincere prayer asking your Father in Heaven for help… Do all in [your] power to stop the abuse…Do not waste effort in revenge or retribution… Leave the handling of the offender to civil and Church authorities… Understand that healing can take considerable time. Recovery generally comes in steps. It is accelerated when gratitude is expressed to the Lord for every degree of improvement noted…

  13. [Third], you cannot erase what others have done, but you can forgive… Forgiveness heals terrible, tragic wounds, for it allows the love of God to purge your heart and mind of the poison of hate. It cleanses your consciousness of the desire for revenge. It makes place for the purifying, healing, restoring love of the Lord… [Fourth], I caution you not to participate in two improper therapeutic practices that may cause you more harm than good. They are (1) excessive probing into every minute detail of your past experiences, particularly when this involves penetrating dialogue in group discussion; and (2) blaming the abuser for ever difficulty in your life… There is another danger. Detailed leading questions that probe your past may unwittingly trigger thoughts that are more imagination of fantasy than reality. They could lead to condemnation of acts that were not committed… Remember false accusations is also a sin.” (ibid)

  14. REPAIR AND REPENT INTRODUCTION Some years ago, I struggled to know how to help a priest in my ward. He had already violated the law of chastity to some degree and was very close to falling further. We talked about a mission. He assured me that he still planned to go. I asked him if he understood that more serious violations of the law of chastity would certainly delay his mission plans and could prevent them altogether. He said: “Well, I know that repentance is always available. I know of many who have gone on missions who have violated the law of chastity. You just repent before you go.” Then he added, “My own brother was guilty of fornication before his mission and was still able to go and.. He served a good mission. I talked to him about it and he said that he was actually glad that he had committed those sins. He felt it made him a stronger, better person. He said he also felt it made him a better missionary. He was better able to understand people and have compassion for them.” “So, you see,” he added, “I think you actually come out ahead when you sin and repent.” That young man, by the way, has now been married and divorced twice.

  15. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS YOUNG MAN’S REASONING? WAS HE CORRECT? President Spencer W. Kimball said: “An error into which some transgressors fall, because of the availability of God’s forgiveness, is the illusion that they are somehow stronger [or better off] for having committed sin and then lived through the period of repentance. This simply is not true… The reformed transgressor, it is true may be more understanding of one who falls into the same sin, and to that extent perhaps more helpful in the latter’s regeneration. But his sin and repentance have certainly not made him stronger than the consistently righteous person” (Miracle of Forgiveness, 357).

  16. I did all I knew how to do to persuade him to repent and not sin further. Unfortunately, he was so convinced that he could have a few “free ones,” repent, and then go on a mission, that he did not heed my counsel. He persisted in sin, was guilty of fornication, lost all desire to serve a mission, and is now out of the church. What a loss to himself, his future wife and children.

  17. WHY DO PEOPLE PROCRASTINATE REPENTANCE? The prophet Amulek taught: “For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for meant to perform their labors… therefore, I beseech of you that ye do not procrastinate the day of your repentance” (Alma 34:32-33).

  18. WHY DO PEOPLE PROCRASTINATE REPENTANCE? Perhaps, the two most common reasons are that: 1. Repentance is perceived to be too easy. 2 . Repentance is perceived to be too hard.

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