Parish Mission Our Lady of Mt. Carmel February 19, 2012

1. Parish MissionOur Lady of Mt. CarmelFebruary 19, 2012 “How to Fall in Love”

2. Welcome • Prayer • Preview of Video • IPF Video • Fr. Pedro Arupe gave a speech to the Eucharistic Congress in 1976. • Naysayer, “Give us something practical” • Maybe you are saying something similar

3. Fr. Pedro Arupe, 1976 “Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect everything.

4. Fr. Pedro Arupe, 1976 It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.”

5. Overview of Mission Sunday - Fall in Love Monday - Stay in Love Tuesday - This Love will Decide Everything This is not just for priests, but for everyone!

6. Objections Some of us may be thinking that this is touchy-feely stuff. • How can I fall in love with God? • I am a good person. I do all the right things. Why do I need to fall in love with God? • How can a man fall in love with Jesus, another man?

7. Pope Benedict XVI • January 27, 2012 – in a letter to seminarians: • “Thus, the most important thing in the journey…is a personal relationship with God in Jesus Christ.” • Can we fall in love with God? • Not only CAN we, but it is the most important thing in the journey… • God made us to be in relationship. • It is what gives meaning to life.

8. Jesus • Matthew 22:36-40 • Jesus was asked, “Teacher what is the greatest commandment?” • Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” • Our faith is not just rules and regulations; it is about love and relationship.

9. John 10:10 A thief comes only to steal and slaughter and destroy; I came so that they might have life and have it more abundantly. • How do we find life abundantly? • It is through relationships – with Jesus and with one another • That is His desire for you and me – abundant life!

10. John 15:15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

11. Different Types of Love • The Greeks distinguished four types of love: • Storge - familial love, as a parent toward a child. It can also mean just putting up with a situation or taking others for granted. • Philia – dispassionate virtuous love among friends, family and community. Usually involved virtue, equality and familiarity.

12. Different Types of Love 3) Eros – passionate love, not only of a sexual nature, but also of a deeper nature – a love for what is conceived of as supremely beautiful and desirable. This can be love between two best friends. 4) Agape - It is generous self-donation without concern for reward. Sacrificial, laying down one’s life for another. These distinctions are important in marriage and other relationships, because the strength of eros love may blind one to the absence of other types of love needed to experience a good Christian bond that, with God’s grace, can endure "till death do us part."

13. Love • My favorite definition of love – always desiring the best for the other. • This is agape love – willing to sacrifice my desires for the desires of another • So we can fall in love with God, Who showed us what agape love is all about – self-donation without expecting anything in return • Jesus poured Himself out for us. We are made in His image and likeness… • What is our response?

14. Begin with Human Relationships • How many of us want to improve our relationship with God? • How many of us would like to have better marriages, better friendships? • Hopefully this mission and lent will lead to the fulfillment of your desires

15. Sirach 6:14-16 Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter; whoever finds one finds a treasure. Faithful friends are beyond price, no amount can balance their worth. Faithful friends are life-saving medicine; Those who fear God will find them.

16. Friendship / Marriage / Relationships • This topic is one of my favorites. • I have been blessed to have some of the best friends in the world. • They have taught me what it means to love and be loved. • This evening I will be talking about marriage and friendships as a door into understanding how to grow in a relationship with Jesus Christ.

17. How Do We Fall in Love, Find a Best Friend? • We are usually captured by something in another person • Their desire to pursue you • A physical attribute • A character trait – holy, joyful, funny Something sparks a desire within us to get to know that person better…

18. Falling in love • Remember when you first fell in love • What captured you? • This is when the ego begins to die. • There is someone other than me • Life is about someone else • This is an exciting time, exhilarating • This is also frightening because it isn’t about me any longer and I’m not in control • But as with any relationship you have to let go and be vulnerable. Guys especially do not like this vulnerable thing!

19. What happens next? • After the initial attraction, we desire to spend time with them to get to know them better. • It is hard to love someone that we don’t know… • If we don’t get to know the person, it remains just an admiration • We do crazy things to just be in their presence. • We think about them all the time. • We want to get to know all about them. • We want to share our life story with them.

20. Love begins to deepen… • A man might first fall in love with a woman because of physical beauty • As he allows himself to go past the physical and as he allows her to share her interior life with him, the love goes to a much deeper level – to the interior life they are sharing. • This is what he is most attracted to – the physical was a doorway to the true beauty of this woman – her self-giving disposition – agape love

21. Requirements to go deeper • One day the physical beauty will go, but the love can still grow deeper • What does this require? • Time - one on one • Vulnerability • Sharing • listening

22. Love goes beyond the physical • As we get to know the other person, we begin to fall for the WHOLE person, not just what initially attracted us. • We begin to entrust very personal things to this person. • Our love begins to be purified. • The affective attachment begins to go beyond the physical. • This is why it is so important to get to know the person before it gets physical. Theology of the Body.

23. The Other is Gift from God • Falling in love is not a passing phase • Falling in love with beauty is the most important phase of love – this helps the person see someone other than himself • What may have started for selfish reasons hopefully changes • You no longer look for others to be extensions of yourself. I no longer use others for my own self-gratification. • The other is now a gift from God. Where did you come from? God sent you to me…

24. Bumps in the Road • We will talk about this tomorrow night • The bumps are an inevitable part of every relationship

25. Strengthening Bond • Any relationship that makes it through the bumps in the road is strengthened. • This will be discussed tomorrow

26. Growing Old Together • What happens when couples have been together a long time? • Topic for tomorrow

27. Falling in Love with God • Now let’s look at how we fall in love with God in relation to how two people fall in love • We are usually captured by something in another person • Their desire to pursue you • A physical attribute • A character trait • A chemistry • This is the most basic and primordial part of being human – to love and be loved. • Jesus desires to share His life and love with us. • The Holy Spirit places this desire in us to love Him and be loved by Him.

28. Remembering… • When did you first fall in love with Jesus? • If you haven’t yet, hopefully this is a new beginning. • What attracted you to Him at first? • Was it His love for you? • Was it His piercing eyes? (Hook’s Jesus) • Was it His mercy or compassion? • Was it a healing experience on a retreat? • Was it the Eucharist?

29. Attraction of Jesus • The beauty of Jesus “attracts” us – but more appropriate “arrests” us. • The beauty of Jesus is seen from within His actions. • His desire to heal (lepers, possessed) • His desire to forgive (woman caught in adultery, prodigal son) • His desire to shepherd (seeking the lost sheep) • His desire to save (dying on the cross) • In every action, we see Jesus reaching out to love and heal • In Jesus, His actions open us to fall in love with Him. • To fall in love with Jesus is to fall in love with the Father by the power of the Holy Spirit – Trinitarian.

30. Jesus is the Face of God • Sometimes it is hard to fall in love with God because we can’t see Him. • But Jesus is the perfect reflection of the Father.

31. John 14:8-11 Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.” Jesus answered: “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. 11 Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves.

32. Jesus is a Person • Jesus is not just some historical figure who lived over 2000 years ago. • Jesus rose from the dead and is alive! • He is the Word of God – importance of reading the Scriptures to get to know Jesus. • We have the Holy Spirit living within us. • This is why we can fall in love with Jesus • This is not a history class – learning ABOUT Jesus. • Story of the great orator (Psalm 23) • Difference between thinking ABOUT a friend and talking TO a friend. • We can KNOW Him!

33. God pursues us in love… • 1 John 4:19 – “We, for our part, love because He first loved us.” • 1 John 4:16 - “God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him” • God knows nothing else other than love – to lay down His life for me and you. • Pope Benedict 16th urges us to fall in love with God – Deus Caritas Est • That should be attractive to us – that we have a God who pursues us, wants a relationship with us, awaits us. • He does crazy things to be with us – Eucharist, all Sacraments, answering prayers

34. Human Love vs. Divine Love • Difference between human love and God’s love • God’s love is unconditional – this is the goal of marriage as well • God’s love will always be there for us – again this is the goal of marriage • Example – the Bachelor • God will never let us down

35. Healing • Let go of preconceived notions of God • Be vulnerable • Maybe you have been hurt before in human relationships • We project upon God how others have treated us • These memories and images need to be healed

36. St. Augustine • “You have made us for youself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in thee.” • Is your heart restless? • “The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.”Mother Teresa • Who or what has captured your heart? • Where do you spend your time? • Where do you spend your money? • Where do you place your energy?

37. Am I Willing to Fall? • We were made to love and be loved by God. • We start to fall, to be vulnerable and what do we do? • We pull back • We begin to lose control • I’m afraid to let go of my ego-centered life and fall into the arms of Another.

38. True Beauty – The Crucifix • The main action of the Father is to create and then He wills to reconcile, and then draws all things into union with Himself. • Jesus’ fundamental beauty is shown on the cross – exposure to the heart of the Father. • Self-emptying merciful kindness to all of us. • Jesus pouring Himself out on the cross is what draws us into His heart. Similar to a loved one opening him/herself to us, sharing intimate parts of their life. • If we allow ourselves, we fall in love with Jesus on the cross. • Not by physical beauty, • But by His self-giving love on the cross, His character, His self-donation, not expecting anything in return

39. I am Gift for You • As He hangs naked upon the cross He says • “Here I am, dead upon the cross, naked. Is this enough for you? I am gift for you.” • Yet we seek something stronger, something more • I attach myself to other things of this world • Yet Jesus is telling us that all we need is Him • Can I trust this kind of love?

40. Purification • When I stare at Jesus on the cross, I have to choose to continue seeing the Beauty • To the human eye, this is ugly • To the eyes of faith, this is Beauty • We have to go through the purification process and not cling to what is passing • Can a man love his wife when she is bedridden? • Can I love Jesus when things are difficult in life? • If I am connected to the things Jesus (or my spouse/friend) does for me, I can easily walk away. • But if I am connected to the PERSON, I continue to see Beauty • Allow the beauty of Christ’s self-donation on the cross to purify our deepest self.

41. Satan • Satan is always trying to get in the way of love • He will try to make you think that the initial falling in love was a lie • That retreat experience was an illusion • Jesus can’t really love you • We must remember the truth of falling in love • Tomorrow we will talk about “How to Stay in Love”

42. God is Pure Gift and Mystery • You no longer look for God as someone that I use only when necessary • God is mystery • I don’t need to figure Him out • I just surrender my will to Him

43. Ego begins to die • Do you remember when you first fell for another person? • What about with Jesus? • When we get to know Him, we truly realize there is ANOTHER much greater than us, but who still wants to be in relationship with us. • Jesus loves us and wants to be the Lord of our lives. • Our ego begins to die. • This is not about me any more. • Agape love is self-donation without expecting a return…

44. What happens next? • We desire to spend time with Him. • If we don’t spend time with Him it remains admiration • Unfortunately many Catholics are at this stage • We haven’t fallen in love; we admire Him from afar • We do crazy things to just be in His presence. • Do I do crazy things to be with Jesus? • Prayer – at home • Mass (daily) – wedding banquet • Adoration – spend time with the Beloved • If not, maybe my heart hasn’t been captured yet… • We think about Him all the time. • We want to get to know all about Him. • We want to share our life story with Him. • This is all PRAYER

45. Love begins to deepen… • As you spend time with Jesus, the love starts to go beyond the initial attraction to something deeper. • You fall in love with the whole person. • You can’t get enough of learning about Him, being with Him • What does this require? • Time - one on one • Vulnerability • Sharing • listening

46. Bumps in the Road • Tomorrow's discussion…

47. Trust • One of the big questions we come to in any relationship is trust • Can I trust this person? • When I allow myself to be vulnerable, do I trust the other person will still love me? • We can trust Jesus on the cross • No ulterior motives • Pure, unconditional love • St. John Vianney – “I look at Him and He looks at me”

48. Strengthening Bond • Any relationship that makes it through the bumps in the road is strengthened. • The trust grows to the point of knowing you can make it through anything TOGETHER. • Permanence of the relationship • In the other, there is something more that is given • The promise of ongoing Communion with the divine • The end of all love – Communion with the divine forever • The Beauty of Mass – foretaste of heaven • Jesus pours Himself out for us • We in turn pour out ourselves in love • When two people fall in love, they see that the other has been given. They no longer take, but receive and respond. Maturity leads to gratitude for the other. • Eucharist - Thanksgiving

49. Let Jesus Behold You from the Cross • God is no longer the God that I use, but the God that I receive in gratitude • Not for what He can give me or do for me • I finally see Him as He is • I have to let Jesus look at me • I have to let Jesus behold me from the cross • The cross – the very revelation of the interior life of God

50. Growing Old Together • This will be discussed tomorrow