How Not to Succeed in College

1. How Not to Succeed in College 10 Sure Ways to Screw Up Your Future!

2. 1. Leave all your stuff behind. • Backpacks are heavy! • Textbooks are for nerds – don’t even buy them. • Don’t review material and assignments. • Dogs DO eat homework!

3. 2. Cram! • Don’t study until the night before the test, preferably after 11:00. • Better yet, study 10 minutes before the class starts -- you’ll remember it better.

4. 3. Waste your time. • If you have an hour between classes, find a place to take a nap. • When your friend calls during studying, be sure to drop everything and go to the movies.

5. 4. Don’t worry about notes. • Surely you’ll remember what you heard. • To a professor, doodling looks like note-taking! • If you do write something down, leave it a mess in your notebook, and never look at it again.

6. 5. Ignore your instructor. • All professors are alike anyway. • Only people who have no friends get to know their instructors. • Don’t ask questions in class – you’ll show your ignorance. • If your professor is a few minutes late, head for McDonald’s.

7. 6. Don’t send out an S.O.S. • If you are struggling or getting behind, you’ll eventually catch up on your own. Finish your video game first. • You don’t need the college’s free tutoring services – only losers do that.

8. 7. Make school a low priority. • Your boyfriend or girlfriend is your #1 priority, then parties, then your job, and then college. • So what if you fail? It’s only money.

9. 8. Give up easily! • If your car won’t start, go back to bed. • If it’s too hot outside, go back to bed. • If it’s too cold outside, go back to bed. • You sneezed! You should go back to bed.

10. 9. Skip class. • No one will know you’re missing. • You only need to show up on test days. • They don’t give pop quizzes in college.

11. 10. Cheat! • It doesn’t matter who wrote the paper! • You’ll never be caught. • Professors don’t watch to see if you’re copying on a test.