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Marriage God’s Way Hindrances to Marriage

Marriage God’s Way Hindrances to Marriage. Marriage, like some other things we do, is difficult enough without us making it more so by doing it wrong!

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Marriage God’s Way Hindrances to Marriage

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  1. Marriage God’s WayHindrances to Marriage Marriage, like some other things we do, is difficult enough without us making it more so by doing it wrong! As we saw in the last lesson, Love(biblical love, as the proper foundation of marriage), has several things which help support it- such as Character, Maturity, Independence, Suitable Dispositions, and Common Interests. These attributes help each of us to be what we should be in marriage, and in turn, help us be what we should be as a couple. But conversely, Love also has its detractorsin marriage- its hindrances, if you will. So, in this concluding lesson, let’s examine them.

  2. Attributes and Habits that tear down, rather than build up, love as the foundation of marriage. • Selfishness. Individually toward each other, or together toward God. Question: What are the top 3 “problem areas” over which couples argue marriage? Answer: 1) Money; 2) Sex; and 3) In-Laws, year in and year out. Question: Are these the real problems, or just symptoms of the real problem? Answer: Most likely they are just symptoms. Question: So, what’s causing these “hot button” items to be so commonly problematic? Answer: Usually, it’s SELFISHNESS!

  3. Attributes and Habits that tear down, rather than build up, love as the foundation of marriage. • Selfishness. Individually toward each other, or together toward God. For instance: If most of your arguments or argumentative thoughts begin with “But I; I think; I want; I feel; I need; etc. then selfish is the real culprit even in these other three areas. So, what do we do about it? Get right with the Book! • Phil.2:1-4, Notice that the keys to love, fellowship, affection, and compassion are same mind, same love, united spirits, and oneness of purpose. These lead directly intovv.3-4! • 1John 3:17, This is not about “marriage”- but what if selfishness produces this effect in it? • Matt.16:24; 10:34-38, Spiritual and physical marriage require selflessness and self-sacrifice not selfishness.

  4. Attributes and Habits that tear down, rather than build up, love as the foundation of marriage. • Pride. Although we should be proud of our mate (“delight or elation arising from some act, possession, or relationship” – Webster’s) we should not be too proud(“inordinate self-esteem”- Ibid.) in marriage. Surely this may not be able to be completely separated from the previous point on “selfishness” as each can be the product of the other. We should not be ashamed of who and what we are, unless sin dictates such, but as with most things, too much of a good thing, such as pride, is also bad. Our self-esteem must be based in responsible thinking and right conduct,Gal.6:4;1Cor.1:31. If divorced from these, pride becomes “inordinate self-esteem” because there is no longer the proper and limiting motivation of it. As it is destructive to us as individuals in Christ, so it is to us asspouses in marriage!

  5. Attributes and Habits that tear down, rather than build up, love as the foundation of marriage. • Pride. Although we should be proud of our mate (“delight or elation arising from some act, possession, or relationship” – Webster’s) we should not be too proud(“inordinate self-esteem”- Ibid.) in marriage. Note the biblical warnings, keeping in mind again that these are not specific to, but do apply to, marriage: • Prov.11:2; 16:18; 18:12; 28:25, Many heartaches result from excessive pride because it (a) promotes or justifies self, and (b) renders us unable to say, “I was wrong- I’m sorry.” • Phil.2:5-8, If we could only each manifest the attitude and activity of our spiritual Spouse in marriage! • 1Pet.5:5, God is opposed to the proud in marriage as well as Christianity! cf. Psalm 131

  6. Attributes and Habits that tear down, rather than build up, love as the foundation of marriage. • Low Self-Esteem. This is the equally wrong opposite of inordinate (excessive) self-esteem. Remember from the previous lesson that the “Basic Needs of the Human Heart” include the importance of one feeling adequate, worthy, wanted, needed, accepted, and understood. These are all needs that are not being met, or not being perceived as being met, in a spouse with low self-esteem. This may not be just a “personal problem” since the spouse may well be contributing by not providing for the needs of their partner. If we feel inferiorand/or unworthy of our mate, problems will likely arise as a result. While it certainly is not always the case, low self-esteem can be the result of a properly working conscience! If we know we are not obedient to God, we should feel bad enough about it to correct it! cf. Gen.4:5-7; 1John 3:19-22.

  7. Attributes and Habits that tear down, rather than build up, love as the foundation of marriage. • Low Self-Esteem. This is the equally wrong opposite of inordinate (excessive) self-esteem. However, low self-esteem can also be caused by a failure to recognize our blessings over our challenges and our abilities over our limitations: • Rom.8:28-31, Keep v.28 in context- it is not some sort of unilateral promise that everything we touch will turn up roses or gold. • Phil.4:13 ,You too can be a godly wife ,or a godly husband, if you do what God says! Why wouldn’t He assist if you if that is indeed your goal? • Heb.13:6 and 2Cor.5:7, Trust in the Lord and His word by keeping it and low self-esteem will end.

  8. Attributes and Habits that tear down, rather than build up, love as the foundation of marriage. • Harshness in Criticism or Judgments. Previous flaws or destructive tendencies have been regarding self, or personal attitudes. This one is affected and influenced by all that has been mentioned but is directed toward the spouse. Perhaps there is nothing that will do more to squelch all facets of love (agape, philos, and eros) in marriage than harshness. It destroys everything that unites us. Whether manifested in criticism or estimations of one another, it is completely repugnant to the example of Christ, and is certainly not indicative of being Christ-like. It immediately puts up barriers to which even genuine love may not be able to overcome. If we truly desire to enjoy all the fruits of marriage that God intended, we had better learn temperance, patience, self-control, kindness, and compassion, not to mention graceand mercy!

  9. Attributes and Habits that tear down, rather than build up, love as the foundation of marriage. • Harshness in Criticism or Judgments. Previous flaws or destructive tendencies have been regarding self, or personal attitudes. This one is affected and influenced by all that has been mentioned but is directed toward the spouse. Please note these passages in this connection: • Prov.17:9(also 10:12). One modern language Bible renders the thought this way: “Love forgets mistakes, nagging about them parts the best of friends.” Harshness, or the repetitive recitation of one’ faults promotes neither love nor unity. Love is willing to forgive and forget, but repeating the same mistake also stretches its limits or capacities. • 1Pet.3:8-12Remember, this follows instructions for right attitudes and conduct for wives and husbands. Such activities manifested in marriage make it a joy to be lived rather than a burden to tolerated.

  10. Conclusions: To successful in marriage (pleasing to God and us), we must: Recognize and acknowledge God as the originator and controller of the institution- that it came from Him and must be done His way. Understand, accept, and fulfill our duties to the marriage as biblical husbands and wives. Practice bible love- which establishes rather than requires a value, as the foundation upon which our marriage is formed and grows. Provide that love with the support of character, maturity, independence, suitable disposition, and common interests so that it can thrive. And avoid selfishness, pride, low self-esteem, and harshness. If we do these things, marriage will be foretaste of heaven on earth. If we don’t, it will be a foretaste of hell on earth!

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