YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN SEARCH OF LOVE AND A THEOLOGY OF A HEALTHY SEXUALITY FOR SINGLES With DR. SHARON HART MAY
Where is the on/off switch to single’s sexuality?What is the purpose of our sexuality?
Know God’s Love + Love Others Ephesians 3:17-19; 4:1,2 “I pray that Christ will live in your hearts by faith & that your life will be strong in love & be built on love. I pray that you & all God’s holy people will have the power to understand the greatness of Christ’s love… I urge you to live the life to which God called you. Be humble, gentle, patient, accepting each other in love.”
Mature, Change & GrowEphesians 4:13, 17, 18, 22 “We must become like a mature person, growing until we become like Christ & have His perfection… Do not continue living like those who do not believe…they refuse to listen. So they can’t have the life that God gives. You were taught to leave your old self – to stop living the evil way you lived before”
Heart of God 1. God Created Adam & Eve – God Created us Male & Female 2. By nature we are sexual A reflection of God’s Heart: = Created to be Connected with God and Others
Being Made for Relationship Causes Our Heart To: Search for relationships Value our relationships Nurture others in our relationships Seek to become One in marriage Seek to become Parents Continue to be Connected in Friendship & Ministry
God Intended Sex for Marriage “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is right for him…So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one body.” Genesis 2:18, 24
Sex Connects Our Soul with Another’s Soul • Sex is more than a set of behaviors • Sex helps to unite two so they can become one “Whenever a person is sexually involved with another person, neuro-chemical changes occur in both their brains that encourage limbic, emotional bonding. Limbic bonding is the reason causal sex doesn’t really work for most people..Sex is enhancing an emotional bond between them whether they want it or not.” Daniel Amen
God intends for us to stay sexually pure & focused on our marriage partner “You have heard that it was said, ‘You must not be guilty of adultery.’ But I tell you that if anyone looks at a woman and wants to sin sexually with her, in his mind he has already done that sin with the woman.” Matthew 5:27-28
SOUL-VIRGINSOUL-FAITHFUL God places high value & honor on sex: Honor = precious, of high value Virginity = Hebrew = separate, pull to one side comes from word ‘holy’ Holy = set apart for a high purpose Soul Virgin = Sex is set apart for future use, for a high purpose, because it is a precious & valuable act between a husband and wife
I Thessalonians 4:1 “Brothers & sisters, we taught you how to live in a way that will please God … God wants you to be holy & to stay away from sexual sins. He wants each of you to learn to control your own body in a way that is holy & honorable.”
SOUL VIRGIN For Every Adam there is an Eve Pure Sex is intended for the future purpose of our life together with our Adam or Eve
Rule #1 for Dating Someone Else’s Adam/Eve You are dating someone else’s long waited for treasured husband/wife – treat your date like you would someone else to treat your Adam/Eve *Don’t be ashamed of what you are doing with another man’s future wife/woman’s future husband
Rule #2 for dating someone else’s Adam/Eve You don’t get to taste test or test drive different Adam/Eve’s. * Don’t try change God’s design for sex: Just because it feels good & it feels right to you & your date, doesn’t make it okay* * Single sex is like rat poison, it tastes good going done
Rule #3 for dating someone else’s Adam/Eve Christ died on the Cross for your date so He could forgive their sins, heal their wounds, & He longs to shape their soul, He has a dream for their life: *Be part of the person’s growth – not sin, guilt & shame* *Your date is loaned to you for a season, in what condition will you return them to God?
Rule #4 for dating someone else’s Adam/Eve Every relationship shapes who we are becoming *How is this relationship shaping your soul? Who are you becoming in this relationship?
But We Want to Get Married True Love Waits Lust must have what it wants now Waiting is a reflection of character: self-control, sacrifice for greater purpose Waiting is a reflection of obedience to God
2. True Love removes everything that tempts & lures Don’t be a temptation for each other. If you know what tempts your future Adam/Eve, don’t do it, don’t go there!
3. True Love Values each other more than moments of pleasure *As gatekeeper, present her pure to Christ on your wedding day. *As his helpmate, encourage him to be a man after God’s own heart. “It is hard to find a good wife, she is worth more than rubies. Her husband trusts her completely. With her he has everything he needs. She does him good & no harm for as long as she lives” Proverbs 31:1
*Sexuality*Emotional Attachment Bonding Experiences*Erotic Sexual Behaviors*True Sex
Emotional Attachment Bonding Experiences • Connecting in meaningful ways with those we care about • Playful, helpful, friendship, share hearts, share experiences, be nurturing, strong, rescue “I got that, let me help you” • Be emotionally available, responsive • Friends, foundation of relationship
Erotic Sexual Behaviors • These are behaviors that are sexually stimulating • Everything up to marriage sex • Touching, hugging, kissing, non-verbals, flirting, gestures, actions, fantasy that are sexually stimulating
True Sex – Marriage Seal • This is marriage sex = behaviors & sexual intercourse that are reserved for marriage only • Something about nudity, intercourse, orgasms, & other such behaviors – • that are seals of love designed by the Heart of God to make two one
Continuum of Relationships • 1. Connecting • 2. Coupling a. considering b. confirming c. committing 3. Covenanting - marriage
How Far Can You Go? • Don’t engage in erotic sexual behavior that is not appropriate for the stage of dating you are in • Understand the Heart of God + Know yourself & how far it is comfortable for you to go = • Set boundaries for how far you will go • Establish Stop Signs to stop you from going further • Satan will tempt you by getting you to doubt the danger of not stopping at your stop sign
To be a Soul Virgin takes commitment to a life in Christ: Galatians 5:16-22, 25 “Live by following the Spirit. Then you will not do what your sinful selves want. Our sinful selves want what is against the Spirit, and the Spirit wants what is against our sinful selves. The two are against each other, so you cannot do just what you please…we get our new life from the Spirit so we should follow the Spirit”