Presenter Notes for Exercises, Group Sharing, and Games

1. Presenter Notes for Exercises, Group Sharing, and Games By: Gil & Erlinda Camus May 2011

2. 1. Self Discovery - Family of Origin Exercise Presenter Notes, Exercise #1, Slide 8 (Couples Only) • Please see next page, Slide 8, Family of Origin Exercise. • Goal: Enhance awareness, acceptance, and understanding of each other’s individuality in order to create a more loving and harmonious relationship. • Purpose : Explore what you learned about life, love, and conflict in your family of origin so that you can understand how this influences your marriage and current relationship. • Please exercise sensitivity, empathy and respect during your sharing time with your spouse. • This exercise will be done by each couple. • Since this is a multiple choice exercise, we will digress from the 5/5 rule (5 minutes to answer/5 minutes to share). • Instead take 3 minutes to answer the questions and 7 minutes to share with your spouse. May 10, 2011, Version 2.1

3. 1. Self Discovery - Family of Origin, Exercise #1 (multiple choice questions) Reference: For Your Marriage - An initiative of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops Affection was: A. Shown warmly and often B. Rarely shown in public C. Other __________________________ Relationships were: A. Close. We had many times of fun together. B. Cordial, but each person primarily recreated by themselves C. Strained When my parents disagreed or fought: (circle 1 or more that applies) A. They yelled and screamed B. One usually gave in to the other C. They compromised D. They separated to cool off E. One or both used the “silent treatment” F. I wouldn’t know. They never fought in front of me. Decision making was done by: A. Father B. Mother C. Both parents in consultation D. Everyone in the home (including the kids) E. Default (Nobody seemed to make decisions. Life just happened.) On Sunday or religious holy days we would: A. Go to religious services together B. One parent would attend services, the other stayed home. C. Neither parent was involved in an organized religion. Privacy was: A. Respected B. A sign of secretiveness and selfishness Money was: (circle 1 or more that applies) A. Saved for a rainy day B. Spent only on necessities C. We were always in debt D. Used freely for recreational pursuits E. Other ______________________________ My home was usually: A. Neat and clean B. Comfortably cluttered C. Other __________________________ Household chores were divided according to: A. “Women’s work” or “Men’s work” B. Who had the most time or skill at the chore C. Both parents took equal responsibility D. Parents & children helped out Responsibility for keeping the home picked up belonged to: A. Everyone picked up after themselves B. Mother or father picked up after the kids C. I never noticed. It was never an issue. D. Nobody picked up. (It was pretty messy.) May 10, 2011, Version 2.1

4. 1. Self-Discovery - PersonalityPresenter Notes, Multiple Choice, Exercise #2 (Couples Only) • Please see next page, Slide 11, Self-Discovery, Personality Multiple Choice Exercise #2. • Goal is to enhance awareness & acceptance of each other’s uniqueness so that each spouse is able to make adjustments. The right attitude and proactive approach enhances understanding and forgiveness. • Purpose: Be aware of each other’s individuality or personality. • Please exercise sensitivity, empathy and respect during your sharing time with your spouse. • This exercise will be done by each couple. • Since this is a multiple choice exercise, we will digress from the 5/5 rule (5 minutes to answer/5 minutes to share). • Instead take 3 minutes to answer the questions and 7 minutes to share with your spouse. May 10, 2011, Version 2.1

5. 1. Self Discovery – Personality, Multiple Choice Exercise #2, see next page for definitions May 10, 2011, Version 2.1

6. 1. Self Discovery – Personality, Multiple Choice Exercise #2, Definitions May 10, 2011, Version 2.1

7. 1. Self Discovery – Personality, Multiple Choice Exercise #2, Additional Definitions • Introverted Characteristics (source: Personality Pathways) • Think/reflect first, then Act • Regularly require an amount of "private time" to recharge batteries • Motivated internally, mind is sometimes so active it is "closed" to outside world • Prefer one-to-one communication and relationships Extraverted Characteristics (source: Personality Pathways) • Act first, think/reflect later • Feel deprived when cutoff from interaction with the outside world • Usually open to and motivated by outside world of people and things • Enjoy wide variety and change in people relationships • Source: Myers-Briggs • Extroverts vs. Introverts (EI):First two mutually exclusive patterns tell where you prefer to get energized. If you are stimulated by the environment, you are an Extrovert (E). This personality type likes to be more social, expressive and outward. • However, if you are stimulated by your inner imaginations, thoughts and ideas, you will be classified as an introvert (I). This psychological type prefers solitude, quietness and concentration over gatherings. • Sensing vs. Intuitive (SN): These two patterns reveal what resources you preferably utilize to process a piece of information. If you preferably rely upon your intuition, unconscious and insights, your type is intuitive (N). You are more imaginative, and looks for new possibilities, novelties and potentials. You are more practical, and analyze what is real, factual and experienced. You primarily use your five senses, you are sensing (S) type. • Thinking vs. Feeling (TF):These two patterns tell what kind of reasons you count for to make a decision. If you prefer logics, analysis, and facts, you are a thinking (T) type. Your decisions would be more objective. • However, if you prefer emotions, instincts and motivations, you are a feeling (F) type. Your decisions would be more subjective and value-oriented. • Judging vs. Perceiving (JP): The last two patterns reveal how much organization you prefer in your life. If you prefer to be structured, organized and decisive, you are a judger (J). You would most probably love to control flow of your activities. You prefer to decide in advance what to do, what to say and where to go. • However, if you prefer to be flexible with unfolding of events, you are a perceiver (P). You would most probably be more curious, adaptable and open. You prefer to delay your decisions for the last minute crucial information. May 10, 2011, Version 2.1

8. 4: Stage Of Marriage: Romance StagePresenter Notes, Exercise #3, Group Game #1, • Goal: Enhance connection between husband and wife through a loving, fun, and enjoyable exercise. Enhance creativity for couples. • Purpose: Rekindle special and happy events with focus on romance stage before marriage and during your wedding day. • Game Format Options: • You can ask more than 2 questions per couple. • You can end the game after all volunteer couples have answered their questions & given the assessment by the moderator or continue until there’s only one winner couple. • See next page for instructions and questions. May 10, 2011, Version 2.1

9. 4: Stage Of Marriage: Romance Stage Instructions, Exercise #3, Group Game #1 • This is a group game with 3 volunteer couples. • Arrange 3 set of chairs back to back (total 6 chairs), 1 pair of back to back chairs per couple. • Each couple will be given 2 questions to answer. Both spouses are given the same set of questions. • Give couples approximately 2 minutes to answer the questions, 1 minute per question. • Moderator will request for the answers of the husband then the answers of the wife. • Moderator will go to the wife and ask the wife to guess the responses of her husband to the questions. Moderator looks at the piece of paper with answers of the husband and notify wife if right or wrong. If wife's answers are incorrect, Moderator gives her the correct (husband’s) answers. • Moderator will go to the husband and ask the husband to guess the responses of his wife to the questions. Moderator looks at the piece of paper with answers of the wife and notify husband if right or wrong. If husbands’ answers are incorrect, Moderator gives him the correct (wife’s)answers. • The couple with the most correct answers would be the winner. If more than one couple, and it’s a tie, then you can go through more question/answer exercise until there’s only one winner couple. Couple 1 Question: When was the first time you noticed that your spouse had liking for you prior to marriage? Couple 1 Question: Name one of the songs sang at your church ceremony that you that you think your spouse liked the most. Couple 2 Question: Name the bridal song or music that was played at your wedding reception for the first bride/groom dance. Couple 2 Question: Prior to marriage, what qualities do you think your spouse appreciated in you? Couple 3 Question: What was the dish that your spouse ordered during your first date at a restaurant prior to your marriage? Couple 3 Question: What was the wedding color motif? May 10, 2011, Version 2.1

10. 4: Stage Of Marriage: Romance Stage Before Marriage & Wedding DayPresenter Notes, Exercise #4, Group Sharing • Now we have a group sharing question. • The question is: Name and describe one unforgettable moment that you remember during your wedding day. It can be a special moment or it can also be a humorous moment. • Goal: Create a more loving & harmonious relationship and enhance connection between husband and wife by rekindling on special and happy events during the romance stage. • Purpose: Focus on happy and pleasant memories rather than bring back past hurts. May 10, 2011, Version 2.1

11. 7. Building Blocks - Likes/Dislikes/InterestsPresenter Notes, Exercise #5, Group Game #2 • Goal: Enhance connection between husband and wife through a loving, fun, and enjoyable exercise. Enhance creativity for couples. • Purpose: Giving descriptions rather than giving the actual answer provides an extensive idea of spouses likes/dislikes/interest. This helps when doing something special for your spouse (i.e. gift choice, vacation idea, restaurant choice, doing something special for your spouse, etc.) • See next page for instructions and questions. May 10, 2011, Version 2.1

12. 7. Building Blocks - Likes/Dislikes/Interests Instructions, Exercise #5, Group Game #2, (see next page for questions) This group game is similar to Exercise 3, Group Game #1. This time instead of giving the actual answer, you will be asked to describe. • With this exercise, we will have you describe some of your spouses likes/dislikes/interests. • Describing rather than giving the actual answer provides a general idea of spouses likes/dislikes/interest. This helps when doing something special for your spouse (i.e. gift idea, vacation idea, restaurant choice, etc.) • Arrange 3 sets of chairs back to back, total of 6 chairs. Request for 3 couple volunteers. • Each couple are given one question to answer. Husband and wife will answer the same question. • Give couples approximately 1 minute to answer the question given to them. • Moderator will collect answer of first couple. • Moderator will go to the wife and ask the wife to guess the response of her husband to the question. Moderator looks at the piece of paper with answer of the husband and notify wife if right or wrong. If wife's answer is incorrect, Moderator gives her the correct (husband’s) answer. • Moderator will go to the husband and ask the husband to guess the response of his wife to the questions. Moderator looks at the piece of paper with answers of the wife and notify husband if right or wrong. If husbands’ answer is incorrect, Moderator gives him the correct (wife’s)answer. • Moderator repeats Steps 6 thru 8 for the remaining couples. • Moderator will remind that the intent of describing rather than giving the actual answer gives each spouse a general idea of each other’s likes/dislikes/interests. • See next page for the Sample Questions and Exercise Questions. • Be creative. Have fun. Create exercises which can be played with a group of friends or with your family. May 10, 2011, Version 2.1

13. 7. Building Blocks - Likes/Dislikes/InterestsExamples & Questions, Exercise #5, Group Game #2, (see previous page for instructions) Questions for Couples: Couple 1: Describe your spouse’s favorite place that he/she frequently goes to? Couple 2: Describe your spouse’s favorite pair of shoes? Couple 3: Describe your spouse’s favorite dish? Example 1: Question: Describe a favorite place that you frequently go to? Response: I like hiking. I follow easy & popular trails, 2 to 5 miles max, serene, wooded and safe. I also enjoy reading my book in front of the ocean or watching the sunset at the end of a radiant day. Assessment: Your spouse enjoys being surrounded by nature either the ocean or a wooded area. Your spouse appreciates the quiet and serenity that nature has to offer. Your spouse may prefer outdoor activities. Perhaps when spending time with your spouse, consider the outdoors (ocean or woods). Example 2: Question: Describe your favorite pair of shoes? Response: My favorite shoes are black, soft leather, no heels, plain design, traditional and very comfortable Assessment: Your spouse may prefer comfort and practicality over something trendy and stylish. Traditional style may mean that your spouse is conservative. Perhaps, this may help when finding a present or outfits for your spouse. Example 3: Question: Describe your favorite dish: Response: My favorite dish has pasta, shrimp, scallops, with Alfredo sauce. Assessment: Yourspouse likes Italian food. Perhaps this may help when preparing dishes for your spouse or selecting a restaurant for a date with your spouse. May 10, 2011, Version 2.1